Concert Review: Paul Simon Live – 2 April 2013 Sydney Entertainment Centre

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 9th April 2013.

Many, many moons ago, for my twelfth birthday party, I compiled a wish list of cassettes that I wanted to receive from my family and schoolmates. For the uninitiated, cassettes were the precursor to compact discs and had a tendency to melt in the car on hot days in summer. They were also much harder to use as drink coasters.

My list was varied and contained just as many albums that would be considered classics as embarrassments. For every Crowded House debut album, there was a Rick Astley disaster. For every Kick by INXS, there was a Tiffany album. As always, I will deny owning these terrible albums if asked (I’m still talking to you, Doug, the newspaper guy).

One cassette I loved from the moment I pressed play was Graceland by Paul Simon. My gateway track was the hit single You Can Call Me Al, which featured a music video starring Chevy Chase, back when he was funny (he later became funny again in the hit comedy series Community but sadly left the show last year, which for fans like me wasn’t funny).

Graceland was the amalgam of Simon’s pop and folk roots and his discovery of South African music. Every track is a gem and the album, which celebrated its 25th anniversary last year, is still on regular rotation in my home and car (on CD even).

So it was with great excitement that I witnessed a 70 year old Paul Simon in concert at the soon-to-be-demolished Sydney Entertainment Centre last Tuesday night. I missed his support act, Rufus Wainwright, but heard some audience members giving him scathing reviews in the foyer, so I may have dodged a bullet there.

Opening with the Graceland classic, Gumboots, it was clear that the capacity crowd were in for a musical treat. Simon’s eight piece multi-instrumentalist backing band was absolutely remarkable and recreated the sound of the Graceland tracks, in particular, flawlessly.

In his awkward introductory speech, Simon announced that he wanted to play an upbeat set, which was fine by me as I had just driven for three and a half hours from work and had the same journey ahead of me immediately after the concert. Hit after hit followed in rapid succession: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard, The Obvious Child. Unfortunately, the overzealous security folk kept those wanting to dance in their assigned places, however, with a largely baby boomer audience, arthritis may have also been responsible for everyone else staying comfortably seated.

Simon performed six Graceland tracks during the show, including You Can Call Me Al, as well as songs from his earlier solo work right up to his new album, 2011’s So Beautiful or So What. He also performed some covers including a beautiful version of George Harrison’s Here Comes the Sun.

Returning for his third encore, Simon announced that he felt like playing some Simon and Garfunkel tracks and sent us all home after two hours of pure musical bliss with joyful renditions of America, Homeward Bound and The Boxer. I might have shed a tear or two during the final track. I said “might have”, Doug.

Published in: on April 9, 2013 at 18:42  Leave a Comment  
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Walking with The Walking Dead

Walking Dead Promo

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 5th March 2013.

To celebrate the return of post-apocalyptic zombie drama The Walking Dead to Australian pay TV, series star Norman Reedus made a promotional trip in January to our shores. Besides a sold out Q & A session after a screening in Sydney as part of the ever popular Popcorn Taxi events (which I couldn’t attend), he also shot a live action promo for FX, the home of The Walking Dead.

To help populate the commercial, FX took to social media inviting fans to volunteer as extras by sending in a headshot. My dashing good looks must have served me well (or perhaps my resemblance to a rotting zombie), because I received an invitation to the shoot which took place in a studio in Alexandria on the Australia Day public holiday.

To be transformed into a zombie is every fanboy’s dream, however, it seemed that my wish wouldn’t be coming true this time around. Firstly, I was well aware that the actors portraying the reanimated dead for the actual show attend zombie school. Secondly, we were asked to bring along travelling clothes and a suitcase for the shoot which was to take place in an “airport” setting.

Upon arrival on set, my predictions were confirmed. The studio was set up as an arrivals terminal, complete with metal detectors and baggage scanners. There was little activity in the makeup room. Alas, this promo for The Walking Dead would be minus any walking dead.

I had done a little extra work when I was a teen. The novelty of being on a film set wore off pretty quickly and there was a lot of waiting around. I can report that not much has changed in the twenty years or more since I roamed the halls of Summer Bay High. It was, however, pretty fun to chat to other The Walking Dead fans and eat as much junk food as possible from the craft services table.

Pretty soon I was put to work walking through the airport set, wheelie bag dragging behind me, until they called for a cut. We’d then wander back to our “first positions” and do it all again. And again. And again.

Things became more interesting with the arrival of our guest star. Reedus plays fan favourite character Daryl Dixon, a Southern redneck with a penchant for killing zombies with his signature crossbow. Reedus is also known for co-starring in The Boondock Saints, a cult action flick infamous for its troubled production under first time director Troy Duffy.

The good news is that Reedus was a gentleman. Softly spoken, he was keen to interact with the fans between takes, joking (I hope) that he had very little idea about the storyline of the commercial. Although we weren’t allowed individual photos with him, we all had a group shot with the guest star and on my way out after the recording concluded he shook my hand at the door. I also took home a signed poster and a pretty awesome zombie t-shirt for my troubles.

I did get into a little trouble for posting a sneaky photo of Reedus on twitter during the shoot. I thought that was somewhat ironic considering that FX acquired their extras for free via social media. I took down my post and reposted it after I received my goodie bag. Heh heh.

The promo premiered in February and I am proud to say that you can see me (well, at least three quarters of my face) about 18 seconds into the commercial. Apply for my autograph care of the Central Western Daily.

Published in: on March 5, 2013 at 19:09  Leave a Comment  
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Never Tear Us Apart: An obituary to INXS

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 20th November 2012.

Aussie music fans were not at all stunned last week with the not particularly shocking announcement that INXS were calling it quits after 35 years as a touring act. On the final night of a tour supporting Matchbox Twenty in Perth, drummer Jon Farriss informed the Perth crowd that they were witnessing the last live performance of the band that at one time were Australia’s biggest musical exports.

My earliest memory of INXS involves dancing along to Original Sin during a sleepover at a mate’s house. The year was 1984. The album was Throbbin ’84 (on cassette). At the time, neither of us even knew how to pronounce INXS. As far as we were concerned they were “ink-sus” (rhyming with sphinxes).

A few years later, MTV arrived on our shores, though not as we know it today. Pay TV was still a few years away. MTV first aired in Australia as a three hour late Friday and Saturday night music show on the Nine Network, hosted by Richard Wilkins, complete with mullet. Each year, as a special, the MTV Music Awards was also broadcast. I still have the 1986 awards on videocassette somewhere which features an in form INXS performing What You Need.

In 1987, INXS released Kick and the rest is history. Selling over ten million copies worldwide, Kick is a perfect forty minutes of pop. Featuring the singles Need You Tonight, Devil Inside and Never Tear Us Apart, the album launched the band into the stratosphere and for a few short years INXS was arguably the biggest band in the world. I really must put the special edition Kick 25 reissue on my Christmas wish list. I love that album.

Flashforward to the mid-nineties and INXS had begun to lose their shine. Creatively the band had not been able to match Kick and sales had slumped. It was during preparations for their “comeback” tour in 1997 that Michael Hutchence committed suicide in a Sydney hotel room. I had front row centre tickets for the first of these comeback gigs at the State Theatre. What a bummer.

Rather than retire the INXS name, the remaining members continued to tour with a succession of singers, making them one of those rare creatures in the music industry: a band that transformed into their own cover act.

I finally caught INXS (with ex-Noiseworks singer Jon Stevens) live in Cardiff on a double bill with Blondie. It simply wasn’t the same. Michael Hutchence had a unique stage presence and charisma that was irreplaceable.

A little later, a new singer, Canadian J.D. Fortune was promoted to vocal duties via a TV talent search. Although his Michael Hutchence impersonation wasn’t bad, J.D. only lasted one album before being dropped for Irishman Ciaran Gribbin.

As far as I’m concerned, INXS ceased to exist in 1997 with the death of Hutchence. It has taken 15 years for the other band members to understand this but I think deep down most fans would agree with me. Just like The Doors without Jim Morrison or Queen without Freddie Mercury, INXS were simply not the same without their charismatic frontman.

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 08:50  Leave a Comment  
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Crazy Americans – A review of the A&E Channel Australia

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 27th November 2012.

A new channel recently popped up on my pay TV. Called A&E Australia, it appears to run nothing but weird American reality programs aimed at men, starring weird Americans. I did a little research and apparently this is a spinoff from America’s A&E Channel, which began in the eighties as the Arts and Entertainment Network. I find this interesting because there is certainly nothing airing at the moment which would fall under the category of the arts, and the entertainment jury is still out.

To be fair, I made a point of sampling A&E and it was strangely hypnotic. The programming is incredibly consistent. The protagonists of every show are male. The women that appear in said shows are generally portrayed as nags. Every commercial break is initiated by an overdramatic cliffhanger that is usually revealed as a complete non-event after the ads. However, one show seamlessly blends into another and before you know it, a two hour reviewing session leads to a week on the sofa.

Here are my recommendations for a great brain-free evening in front of the A&E Channel (being awake is optional).

My pick of the bunch needs to be Ghost Adventures, which bizarrely aired previously on W, a now defunct channel aimed at women. Three idiots travel around the world with the sole purpose of being locked overnight in some of the most haunted locations. Once inside, they turn off the lights and proceed to investigate using an array of the most unscientific “scientific” equipment ever.

I have no idea why they insist on turning the lights off wherever they go. None of the eyewitnesses report the ghostly happenings occurring in pitch black. And if ghosts indeed exist, do you think they would care if the lights are off? I suppose it just makes for better television to see the investigators fumble around in the dark. Each episode uncovers spooky dismembered voices making contact with non-specific messages such as, “Help me” and “Pass the peanut butter”.

Ice Road Truckers follows the trials and tribulations of the crazy drivers who deliver supplies to remote parts of Alaska or Hoth or somewhere icy by taking their loads across frozen lakes. Just as every movie featuring a frozen lake requires someone to fall through the ice, the truckers regularly find themselves in trouble when and where the ice gets a little thin. Alone in the snowy wilderness with half a truck under the ice? What should you do? Maybe ask for help from the twenty man television crew following you around.

Mountain Men focuses on men who choose to live in isolation out in the backwoods in Alaska or Hoth or somewhere. Perhaps if they ordered less stuff from ebay they wouldn’t put the Ice Road Truckers’ lives at risk to deliver it to them. Anyway, the men live off the land by eating squirrels and pinecones. Living so far away from the modern world brings a unique series of obstacles and challenges: bears, wolves, wampas and twenty man television crews following you around.

My final recommendation comes in the form of Barter Kings.  In this gem, two entrepreneurs trade objects for a living. With no cash changing hands, they usually start with a small object such as a TV and trade their way up to a much more valuable item. Supposedly these guys are professional cashless traders, which begs the questions, exactly how do they get their groceries, and how is it possible that they appear to be so filthy rich? Surely you can’t trade your way to a mansion for your wife and three kids complete with speedboat and pool without spending a cent? I’ve done my research and it is possible. He used to have four kids.

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 08:45  Leave a Comment  
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Box Set Bonanza 2012

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 2nd October 2012.

Every October, dark forces return to unleash unspeakable horrors upon our supermarket and department store shelves. No, I’m not talking about Halloween. I mean the Christmas merchandise that’s already started to appear in our stores. So if it’s good enough for a multinational corporation, it’s good enough for me. In preparation for the silly season, here are my picks for the best box sets to buy for your favourite movie fanatic (or Tuesday columnist).

If too much Bond is never enough, grab Bond 50 – The James Bond Collection which celebrates half a century of Bond adventures with 22 films on 22 discs. If you buy the blu-ray set, there’s also an extra disc full of exclusive new content. Unfortunately, the non-canon Never Say Never Again from 1983 is not included, which is a shame because I’d gladly exchange it for the invisible car and wooden Madonna performance from Die Another Day. With the latest Band mission, Skyfall, hitting cinemas in November, a space has been generously left in the box for you to complete your collection next year. You can then rest easy knowing you own every single minute of Bond goodness, until the next movie is announced and you’ll have to buy a new box set. Start saving your money, Penny.

Speaking of great franchises, Indiana Jones has finally taken the leap to high definition. Indiana Jones – The Complete Adventures features all three original films on beautiful blu-ray, plus an extra disc chock full of bonus stuff. The films have been remastered under the supervision of Steven Spielberg, with Raiders of the Lost Ark receiving a complete restoration from the original print and sound mix. The set also includes a special Indiana Jones coaster. You can protect your tabletops knowing that The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has finally found a useful purpose.

The Universal Monsters Collection on blu-ray celebrates the 100th anniversary of Universal Studios by unleashing some of its iconic creature features in high definition. Featuring a 48 page book and 8 discs, I can’t wait to get my hands on this one and experience horror classics Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Invisible Man, Bride of Frankenstein, The Wolf Man and Phantom of the Opera for the first time. Best of all, The Creature from the Black Lagoon will make his (or is it her, or its) debut in blu-ray 3D.

Finally, the master of suspense has been given a high definition makeover to bring you Alfred Hitchcock – The Masterpiece Collection. The box set features 14 Hitchcock  classics including Rear Window, Frenzy, Psycho and Vertigo, plus every ornithophobe’s favourite, The Birds.  There is also 15 hours of bonus content for your enjoyment. Strangely, my favourite Hitchcock flick, North by Northwest, is not featured. Neither is Gus Van Sant’s disastrous 1998 shot for shot remake of Psycho, which is good thing.

One last thing, all of these box sets are labelled as limited editions. This is a rather meaningless marketing term nowadays so don’t rush out and buy them all just in case. With all of the above around or above the $100 mark, the limiting factor may well be your wallet.

Published in: on October 9, 2012 at 00:52  Leave a Comment  
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Olympic Thoughts: Stephanie Rice, Status Quo, Coles and McDonalds Glasses

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 31st July 2012.

According to the latest Olympic themed ad from a well known burger chain, their promotional glasses come alive at night and practice pole jumping. That might explain why my collection of glasses from the 2008 Beijing games have all accidentally met their maker on my kitchen floor in the past few months.

Writing of the Olympics, I was enjoying the live television coverage when I was confronted by a commercial informing me that Coles was the official supermarket for the Australian Team. Ah, exactly when during their time in London would the Aussie athletes be shopping at a Coles supermarket? Of course, they’d be buying their bread and permeate free milk at the same imaginary one in the UK that Dawn French and English rockers Status Quo buy their Vegemite and Tim Tams. Sorry, my mistake.

 

Earlier this month, Coles became the first supermarket chain to release their own music video. That’s right, Status Quo have recorded a 3 minute promotional video for their reworked (and reworded) 1975 hit Down Down. Complete with big red foam hands, the tongue in cheek (I hope) video is available to view on YouTube. Expect to see it on Rage sometime soon.

Whilst I would never deny anyone the opportunity to make a buck, it seems a shame that Coles hasn’t enlisted the help of a washed up Aussie band to promote their stores. I’m sure the world’s greatest INXS tribute band, known as INXS, would happily adapt their hits. Get out your big red hands folks and sing along with Need Milk Tonight and What You Need (is Cheap Bread).

It shouldn’t be too hard to find an Aussie band whose best days are behind them. Just follow the signs to A Day on the Green. Come to think of it, I’ll take Status Quo anytime rather than hear another second of Normie Rowe’s awful Coles TV commercial. It’s hard to put your fingers in your ears with big red foam hands.

 

I really felt sorry for Stephanie Rice after her disappointing performance in the 400m individual medley. The expectations of a nation must be a pretty heavy burden, especially when you’re a returning triple gold medallist. So much can happen in a space of four years.

The state of the art LCD TV I bought especially to watch the 2008 Beijing games has already been replaced by a bigger and better state of the art LCD TV. I rented a unit in 2008. Now I have a house and mortgage. Four years ago, it wasn’t possible to photograph yourself in a bikini and tweet it to the world, along with some inappropriate gaffes.

Seriously though, the idea that you can continue to maintain the fitness, discipline and training to be the best in the world again, despite becoming four years older, is ridiculous. This simple fact makes the achievements of dual gold medallists even more miraculous and amazing, and everyone else, well, human. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

 

Four years ago, I had to pay an extra $50 for the Olympic channels on pay TV. This time around, I just had to add the Sports Package for $18 which gets me 8 channels in HD. Thanks Foxtel. Now I can feel less guilty when I lose interest in the Olympics after a couple of days and go back to watching cartoons.

Published in: on August 10, 2012 at 08:18  Leave a Comment  
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Being John Malkovich 2: Being Lara Bingle

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 10th July 2012.

I’ve been eagerly awaiting the sequel to the Spike Jonze comedy Being John Malkovich. It finally premiered on TV a few weeks ago but so far I’m not impressed. Being Lara Bingle has none of the indie charm of the original and I’m still waiting for Josh, Sharon or Hermonie to find the portal that leads literally into Lara’s head. I guess when that happens we’ll finally find out if one can breathe in a vacuum.

Published in: on July 19, 2012 at 10:41  Leave a Comment  
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Blu-ray Combo Packs: would you like fries with that?

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 10th July 2012.

There’s a trend now to release films in combo packs. That’s a blu-ray disc, DVD and digital copy of the same movie in the same package. Why would I want three copies of a film in three different formats? If I own a blu-ray player and have the capability to enjoy a film at home in glorious high definition, why would I want to watch it on my phone or in inferior DVD?

Blu-ray owners seem to be the hardest hit by these packages, which are more expensive than a standard edition. It is worse for 3D blu-ray owners who have to pay even more for a four disc combo. I understand that this may be appropriate for kiddie films so you can have a copy for the kids or the car but the majority of these combos are for adult oriented flicks. My suggestion to thrifty blu-ray owners is to find a friend who owns a DVD player only and someone who likes to watch movies on their iPad and split the cost of the combo three ways.

Published in: on July 19, 2012 at 10:35  Leave a Comment  
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Salt and Pepper Squid: the new staple

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 10th July 2012.

Look at the menu of any contemporary cafe or restaurant nowadays and you are likely to find salt and pepper squid. Five years ago this dish didn’t exist, and now it is everywhere. In the seventies, the prawn cocktail was the standard Australian starter and unfortunately for our cephalopod friends, they too have become a favourite on our tables.

In a way, the existence of the same entree at every dining establishment makes it easy to determine the quality of your restaurant. Simply order the salt and pepper squid. If the dish is good, then there’s a good chance you’ll have a great meal. If the squid gets your thumbs down, make up some story about the babysitter getting sick and get out of there. Pay for your entree, of course.

Published in: on July 19, 2012 at 10:33  Leave a Comment  
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Masterchef…insert fireball here

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 17th July 2012.

I’ve really been enjoying this current season of Masterchef. Based on the latest ratings, it looks like people are finally starting to tune in during these final weeks of the competition. I was addicted to the first season and I think that this year has been just as fun. The contestants are likeable (I’ve learnt what happens to disillusioned physiotherapists) and the format is familiar and comfortable.

I’m so used to the Masterchef format that I’ve become immune to their cliffhanger commercial breaks. No longer do I get frustrated when an important announcement is interrupted by a fireball explosion.

In fact, Masterchef has started to creep into my real life. This morning, when I got to the front of the queue at the coffee cart at work I simply made a fireball whooshing sound and then came back three minutes later to tell them what I wanted.

The show has also been useful for expanding my culinary vocabulary. I now know that caramelisation means to burn something, a roulade is a sausage made with clingwrap, a klosh is the sound it makes when you drop it and a deconstructed dish is what happens if it gives you food poisoning.

Published in: on July 19, 2012 at 10:28  Leave a Comment  
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