Junior Masterchef: kids in the kitchen

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 14th September.

Sunday night saw the debut of Junior Masterchef, a retread of the successful Masterchef format, but this time with kids. I must admit to becoming addicted to the original series. Whilst I have never really enjoyed cooking programs, there was something special about the show that really hooked me in.

I guess we all have to eat, so watching delicious and beautifully presented food being prepared and served is something we can all appreciate. However, I think it was the human drama that really attracted me. Witnessing regular folk undertake and (mostly) overcome challenges had real appeal. And the art of cooking is something that we all can improve on in some way, so it is something that is easy to relate to, unlike shows such as Survivor which sees the contestants face ridiculous tasks and challenges.

I must admit though, I avoided the second season of Masterchef. I just wasn’t prepared to commit to six nights a week of viewing for months on end. That was going to require far more dedication than I was prepared to give (again). Of course, that would be a different story if we were talking about whacky Japanese game shows or wrestling.

The first episode of Junior Masterchef saw a bunch of kids cook up an array of totally amazing dishes. The quality of the cooking was surprising but what totally shocked me was how confident and ambitious these young people were. I am sure that kids weren’t like this when I was growing up.

Back in the eighties, when I was the same age as the Masterchef kids, I certainly didn’t have any plans to open up my own restaurant as soon as I turned eighteen. In fact, I had no idea what I wanted to be when I got older. Actually, I did, I wanted to be Batman.

There’s also no way that I would’ve been able to sit in front of a camera and speak as eloquently about food as the aspiring kiddie cooks did.  I’m almost certain that if placed in a similar situation, my twelve year old self would’ve scratched himself and mumbled something about liking Space Food Sticks.

I’m also sure kids weren’t as self-assured back then. In fact, the only super confident kids I knew were the school bully and the Young Talent Team (and they were robots).

At the age of twelve, my cooking abilities extended to grilling fish fingers and heating up frozen pizzas in the oven. I barely knew how to make two minute noodles in four minutes. And let’s not mention the time I put the frozen pizza, complete with plastic tray, in the oven for twenty minutes.

The Junior Masterchef kitchen was set in the same warehouse-like concrete and steel cavern as previous series. The main difference was that the cooking stations were tiny, as if the kitchen renovations were done by Fisher Price. The kids were also given red plastic knives instead of metal ones.  Whilst it was probably a wise idea to give the kids safe sharps, did they forget about the hot ovens, frying oil and boiling water?

Junior Masterchef airs once a week so will be ideal for those of us that think a little cravat goes a long way. Hearing the words “caramelise” and “reduction” each week will give me a sense of comfort, even if I have no idea what they mean. The kids will probably become less cute and more annoying over the season, but I guess there will be lots of gorgeous food to ogle.

Although you probably shouldn’t be allowed to make a crockenbush unless you can spell it and be taller than one, I’m sure plenty of us will get hooked by Junior Masterchef.

Published in: on September 14, 2010 at 09:17  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Television’s Guilty Pleasures

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 17th August 2010.

So what’s your favourite television guilty pleasure? Something probably from the seventies or eighties that you’ve bought on DVD but have to hide at the back of your shelf for fear of friends finding it. Someone must be buying those Baywatch boxed sets, especially season three which sees the introduction of renown Shakespearian actress Pamela Anderson as pneumatic lifeguard C.J. Parker. How the Baywatch team saved anyone from drowning is beyond me, considering that every time they ran across the beach, it happened in slow motion. Perhaps the name Gordon Shumway floats your boat? A wise-cracking alien from the planet Melmac, ALF starred in his own sitcom from 1986 to 1990 and for a short time, was so popular on Aussie television that he was regularly beating Sunday night juggernaut 60 Minutes in the ratings. Seasons one and two of ALF have recently been released on DVD. My rather embarrassing guilty pleasure features a completely bizarre concept. Take the classic American sitcom family and teleport them into an all singing, all dancing variety show and you have the notorious Brady Bunch Variety Hour. The original Brady series aired on US network CBS and closed up shop in 1974 due to falling ratings, however, with syndication, the show became even more popular. It is claimed that since 1975, an episode of The Brady Bunch has aired somewhere in the world every single day. At the time of its demise, the Brady cast were not aware of their status as American cultural icons and were keen to escape their Brady alter egos. In 1976, producers Sid and Marty Krofft of H.R. Pufnstuf and Banana Splits fame managed to coax the entire Brady cast, with the exception of Eve Plumb (Jan), to US network ABC for a one-off hour long special, The Brady Bunch Variety Hour. Out of the returning Brady kids, only Barry Williams (Greg) and Maureen McCormick (Marcia) considered themselves capable singers and dancers. Florence Henderson, who portrayed wholesome matriarch Carol Brady, was a veteran of musical theatre. Strangely enough, the most enthusiastic of the Brady cast was Robert Reed (Mike), who hated his on-screen goody two shoes persona but was intrigued by the prospect of showing off his (limited) singing and dancing abilities. Jan Brady was recast in the guise of talented country singer Geri Reischl. So as the theme tune goes, here’s the story. The Brady family gets the opportunity to star in their own variety show. Leaving behind Mike’s architectural job and the original house, the Brady’s move to Los Angeles with housekeeper Alice in tow. Their neighbour, camp comedian Rip Taylor, also participates in the hi-jinks. Makes perfect sense, yes? No seventies show is complete without a kitsch set and the Variety Hour was no exception. Imagine a psychedelic glittered set, with its centrepiece, a swimming pool. The Krofftettes, a troupe of synchronised swimmers and dancers, featured heavily in the show, splashing around to the Brady clan badly singing and dancing to disco versions of such gems as Yankee Doodle Dandy, Al Jolson’s Toot Toot Tootsie and most bizarrely, Paul McCartney’s Live and Let Die. The Brady Bunch Variety Hour staggered on for a total of nine episodes, featuring guest stars such as Donnie and Marie, Tina Turner, Vincent Price and Lee Majors. American magazine, TV Guide, recently pronounced the Variety Hour as the fourth worst television show of all time. Only two episodes of this cult classic have been released in the US on DVD. In fact, Aussie pay TV channel, TV1, was integral to the rediscovering of this long forgotten series, re-airing it in the late nineties for the first time since its original broadcast. Highlights of the series can be found on YouTube and are well worth a laugh. The Brady Bunch Variety Hour is my favourite television guilty pleasure because it represents a (perhaps imaginary) time of innocence, where sequined jumpsuits were perfectly acceptable for women (and men) and the lack of singing and dancing skills was no obstacle to shaking your groove thing around the swimming pool on the sparkly set of your family’s very own musical variety show. Any time the Bunch is on my TV, all is right in the world.

Published in: on August 17, 2010 at 11:35  Comments (2)  
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

TV: sometimes a decent ending is Lost

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 15th June 2010.

The long awaited finale to Lost has finally aired. After six brain busting seasons, dedicated Lost fans were decidedly mixed on the ending, which apparently closed many storylines, but not all. I say apparently, because I must admit that I have never seen a single second of Lost. Not because I don’t think I would enjoy it. I’m actually looking forward to starting on season one, episode one real soon. I’ve been avoiding Lost in fear that it would be axed without an ending.

As a fan of serialised television drama in general, there is nothing more gut wrenching than seeing your favourite characters disappear without a trace. After hours and hours of adventures, quests and trials and tribulations, the least a long running TV show owes its audience is a decent farewell.

The recent announcement of Flashforward and Heroes meeting their maker means that I can save myself the time and effort required to keep up with their convoluted mythology. With so many unresolved storylines, I can walk away from the mysterious blue hand markers and superpowered comic book characters knowing that I don’t have to care anymore that saving the cheerleader might also save the world.

Even more painful is when a series is cancelled on a cliff hanger. My Name is Earl concluded after four seasons with the words “To Be Continued” on the screen. Ouch!

Of course, great shows that only survived one season before getting the chop can still be enjoyed and mourned at the same time. Knowing that you only have fourteen or so episodes to spend with memorable characters can be a bittersweet experience but at least you haven’t outlaid hours of staring at the idiot box. The excellent but short-lived Joss Whedon show Firefly and Judd Apatow’s Freaks and Geeks are well worth your time and do not end with cliff hangers.

A well written finale can be sad but truly satisfying. After eleven seasons and running longer than the actual Korean war, M*A*S*H bowed out with the superb two and a half hour Goodbye, Farewell and Amen. From its premiere in 1983 until it was surpassed by the 2010 Super Bowl, it was the most watched television broadcast in US history.

Star Trek: The Next Generation concluded with the well written All Good Things. Bringing back Q, the complicated villain from the very first episode, Captain Picard and crew came full circle in a series that actually may have surpassed the Shat-tastic original.

Seinfeld did something similar, except they brought back practically every memorable character from its nine season run. The final lines of the show are actually from the very first conversation of episode one. In nine years, nobody developed or learned anything. Perfect.

There have also been several clangers, which only served to kick sand in the face of their loyal fan bases.  Millennium, created by The X-Files’ Chris Carter, was axed in 1999, a year short of its namesake upon which its apocalyptic mythology was building towards. Can’t think of an ending? Just have the main character drive off into the distance in a yellow pickup truck. Thanks a lot Mr Carter!

Also frustrating was Quantum Leap’s finale. After 96 episodes of Dr Samuel Beckett leaping through time and rewriting history’s wrongs, fans hoped that “his final leap would be the leap home” as the opening narration of every episode reminded us. Of course, the final episode concluded with the words “Dr Sam Beckett never returned home”. Um, can I get those 96 hours back please?

Despite the volatility of the television marketplace, where ratings mean everything, I think all fans deserve the chance to say bon voyage or “till we meet again on DVD” to their favourite shows. Now if only I could find out how Doug Mulray’s Naughtiest Home Videos ended?

Published in: on June 14, 2010 at 20:59  Comments (1)  
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Funeral Insurance in Hi-Death

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 20th April 2010.

If you’ve been watching the idiot box lately, you may have noticed an increase in the frequency of a particular advertising campaign which is of the upmost importance to everyone.  And no, I’m not writing about those annoying funeral insurance commercials. Oh dear, I feel a rant coming on…

I really can’t understand why that old couple in the ad are so super duper happy to have their funeral insurance. Personally, I think I’m much better off using that $2.50 a week to buy something that makes me happy, such as an ice cream, satisfied in the knowledge that someone else is going to have to pay for my funeral. And if I wanted to pre-pay for my burial or cremation, I’d save up the money, put it aside in a high interest account and keep the change, rather than pay the funeral insurance company for the rest of my life. I don’t care if I have to watch ShamWow infomercials for eternity, just stop trying to sell me funeral insurance!

Ah, that’s better…

What I am actually referring to is the regular reminders to start preparing for digital television. According to the Australian Government Digital TV website, Orange will have its analogue television signal switched off sometime between January and June 2012. Although there is still plenty of time to take action, there is an increasing array of extra channels with new programming that makes the decision (and financial outlay) to upgrade a little less painful. The ability to watch free to air channels in high definition is also attractive.

For most, the easiest but most expensive way to upgrade is to simply purchase a new TV. Whether it’s plasma, LCD or LED, all new televisions are capable of receiving the digital signal, in either standard or high definition.  If you have an older television that works perfectly well, the addition of a set top box will also allow you to receive the digital signal. This is probably the most environmentally friendly choice too.

Despite having a nicely elevated mountain to broadcast from, Orange in particular seems to have patchy digital signal coverage. Even within the CBD, many digital TV viewers are having problems getting satisfactory reception. If this is a problem for your home, I would suggest that you investigate an external aerial upgrade with a signal amplifier. The general rule is that if your analogue reception is poor, your digital reception will be substandard too.

Older style outside aerials may not be capable of receiving the new frequency band that digital broadcasting occupies. In the case of digital signals, the bigger the aerial is not necessarily the better. Although there is not a specific digital aerial, the latest models are much smaller than what you would see on the majority of homes in Orange. And one last piece of advice, don’t bother buying rabbit ear style inside aerials. For digital TV, you are wasting your time and money with them.

Digital television will soon be your only choice when it comes to free to air broadcasting. An ever expanding array of new channels is finally allowing the ABC, SBS and commercial networks to compete with pay TV. Unfortunately, having to endure the tortuous Zumba and funeral insurance abominations will be no less painful in digital high definition.

Published in: on April 20, 2010 at 13:51  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

R.I.P. Jack Bauer

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 30th March 2010.

This weekend has seen the announcements that two very popular television shows will meet their demise in 2010. Both 24 and The Bill will cease production after long and successful runs. Featuring very different styles of crime fighting, these shows will be missed by Australian audiences. The Bill is somewhat of an institution in the UK, having been in production for an amazing 27 years. It has also been a high rating staple of ABC TV programming. Set in the fictional Sun Hill police station, located somewhere in East London, this procedural drama focuses on the lives of one shift of police officers. Over 2300 episodes, almost no subject has been left untouched by The Bill. From corrupt politicians to gay officers, from violent crime to the mandatory police station fire, the Canley Borough Operational Command Unit is certainly an eventful place to work, although the chances of a police officer making it to retirement alive is rather slim, with many characters biting the dust over the show’s 26 seasons. Once commanding UK audiences of 7 million viewers in 2002, ratings have now slumped to half those numbers in recent years. This has prompted broadcaster ITV to put The Bill out to pasture. Iconic hero Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) burst onto our screens in 2001. 24 was revolutionary in its real time approach to television storytelling. Told in 24 episodes of 44 minutes each (the fight against terrorism still needs commercials), each season followed the events of a single day as the US came under attack from terrorists. A product of 9/11, Jack and the Counter Terrorist Unit controversially used torture and endorsed sacrificing lives for the greater good of the American people. Over 8 eventful days (or seasons), Jack has fought off Middle Eastern terrorists, Mexican drug cartels and American conspirators to prevent nuclear bombs, deadly virus attacks and Presidential assassinations, respectively. Don’t forget that he also overcame heroin addiction in season two. The real time storytelling style of 24 worked well in a weekly episodic format. Watching several episodes together however, often revealed huge plot holes and lapses in logic. No-one seemed to eat, drink or go to the toilet during the 24 hour period either. Maybe they did this in the commercial breaks, just like the audience. Similarly to The Bill, which English actors saw as a rite of passage due to its high turnover of performers, 24 has also provided employment for almost every ethnic looking actor in Hollywood. The only catch, you almost certainly needed to play a terrorist. I’m sure that despite any reservations from actors regarding ethnic stereotyping, the need to eat and pay rent won out each time. So the fictional towns of Sun Hill and Los Angeles will soon be without their crime fighters and law enforcement agencies. Loyal fans and viewers at least can take some solace in the fact that the cancellation announcement has occurred early enough for the producers of The Bill and 24 to give their shows a proper send-off. There is nothing worse than a final episode that ends in a cliffhanger.

Published in: on April 5, 2010 at 10:49  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , ,

My column has jumped the shark

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 9th March 2010.

Have you ever been watching your favourite television show and thought that it didn’t seem to be as good as usual? There’s a good chance that it has jumped the shark.

“Jumping the shark” is a popular term used to describe a TV series that has peaked and has begun to decline. This is often when the creative forces behind a show have run out of ideas and are starting to use desperate measures to regain their once loyal viewers.

The phrase refers to an episode from the fifth season of Happy Days which was filmed in 1977. In this episode, to prove his manhood, Fonzi (Henry Winkler) jumps over a deadly man-eating shark, complete with stock footage, on water-skis. Looking ridiculous in his budgie smugglers and trademark leather jacket, Fonzi’s stunt is widely regarded as a sure sign that the popular TV show was beginning to decline creatively. Of course, Happy Days continued for many years following that infamous episode but it never quite had the same magic.

There are several indicators that a show has jumped the shark. Here are a few.

One of the lead actors departing from a series is a significant clue. Actress Valerie Harper left her eponymous 80’s sitcom in a dispute with the producers, who promptly renamed it “Valerie’s Family”. After threats of litigation from Harper, it was then re-renamed “The Hogan Family”. By this time, the audience had lost interest and the show was cancelled soon after. John Ritter’s tragic premature death in 2003 also brought an early end to his sitcom 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter. It stumbled on for another 2 years as “8 Simple Rules” and his character was deemed to have died also from a heart attack between seasons.

Shows built around the sexual tension between characters also tend to lose their appeal and audiences once the writers make the mistake of having those characters marry or sleep together. This is another sign that a shark has been jumped. A great example of this is Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, which was axed soon after its lead characters were married. Other examples include Moonlighting, Who’s The Boss? and The Nanny.

Bringing in a cute child character is another red flag that a shark is circling. Remember the little fat kid from Hey Dad? Annoying Arthur MacArthur, played by Sorbent ad child actor Matthew Krok, was added to the cast to ensure that the cute factor remained as Mr Kelly’s youngest daughter Jenny grew up. By the time the show ended a few years later, only Betty the Receptionist (Julie McGregor) remained as an original cast member. In fact, even the dad in Hey Dad abandoned the show before its eventual demise.

Complicated storylines which confuse viewers also tend to result in a drop in ratings, particularly when it becomes clear that a resolution may not be on the cards immediately. Whilst there may not be an actual jump the shark moment, TV shows with convoluted plots which move at a snail’s pace such as Flashforward, Heroes, The X-Files and Lost were certainly shining up their skis pretty early on for the majority of viewers.

Keep an eye out for these signs and you’ll be sure to know that your favourite show has jumped the shark and it’s time to change the channel.

Published in: on March 9, 2010 at 20:15  Comments (4)  
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Newer Entries »