Movie Review: Tucker & Dale vs Evil

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 18th October 2011.

Think about the storyline for your average horror film. Does this sound familiar? A group of nubile college students heads out to the woods for a camping trip. On the way they insult two hillbillies, who then proceed to extract revenge by killing off the promiscuous teens one by one. Yep, it’s pretty much the framework for a whole raft of slasher movies.

What if you reversed the concept, following the film from the hillbillies’ perspective? Except this time, the yokels are simple but friendly folk, and the teenagers are familiar with the rules of horror movies. Every good natured move the hillbillies make is interpreted by the teenagers as an attempt on their lives, and one by one they meet their demise through a series of hilarious mishaps.

Sounds like the perfect horror comedy. And it possibly is. The film’s title is Tucker & Dale vs Evil and it has just hit Australian DVD and blu-ray shelves after a difficult birth that saw it come extremely close to a theatrical release and possibly become a major hit.

Alan Tudyk, one of my favourite actors, stars as Tucker. You might remember Tudyk as the popular character Wash from the short lived Joss Whedon sci-fi western series, Firefly, and the subsequent big screen film, Serenity.  As Dale, you have rising actor Tyler Labine, who was most recently seen as chimp handler Robert Franklin in this year’s surprise hit, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Also starring as college student and love interest Allison is Katrina Bowden, best known as the cute but dim Cerie in TV sitcom 30 Rock. A solid cast for sure.

The director is Eli Craig, making his feature film debut. His short film, The Tao of Pong, is available on YouTube and is great fun.

Filmed in 2009 in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, the completed film premiered at the 2010 Sundance Film Festival to cheering audiences. A subsequent screening at the prestigious South by Southwest in Austin, Texas also received a rapturous response.

A mainstream distributor became interested in the project and put the film through a test screening which resulted in overwhelmingly positive figures. Thinking that it was all a mistake, the distributor held a second screening which came back with similar results.

The final obstacle in the US film release process is the booking of movies by the cinema chain owners. Unfortunately, based on one screening, a major chain didn’t think it had potential and turned it down. And with that, Tucker & Dale vs Evil missed out on a major US cinema release. It premiered in Australia last week as a direct-to-DVD title.

I have a tendency to support the underdog, and after reading about the film’s history, I immediately rushed out to buy a copy. And I have to say that it doesn’t disappoint. Deliciously gory and hilarious at the same time, the film is a refreshing take on a worn genre.

Tucker & Dale vs Evil deserves mainstream attention. It is an absolute shame that the latest The Not-So-Final Final Destination chapter is taking up cinema screens when a much smarter and deserving film is relegated to the small screen. I guess it happens all the time.

So gather a bunch of friends, find the biggest TV that you can, buy (and don’t download) Tucker & Dale vs Evil and have yourself a great night in.

Published in: on October 18, 2011 at 22:10  Leave a Comment  
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Bargain Bin Blu-Ray Reviews

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 11th October 2011.

With the price of blu-ray discs coming down, there are now some great deals which bring the price of high definition discs in line with their standard definition DVD counterparts. One particular local non-specific music and movies store even has a special of 3 blu-rays for $40. This proved rather hard for me to resist so today I took the opportunity to purchase some movies which were not particularly well reviewed but I had some interest in, as well as an old favourite that I couldn’t wait to see in high def. So without any further ado, here are the reviews of my 3 for $40 marathon.

The Exorcist is regarded as the scariest movie of all time, and I must say that pea soup vomit in high definition does not disappoint. I never got the chance to see it during its original theatrical run, being minus two years old at the time, but it still packs a mighty punch. Even if you have no particular religious beliefs regarding demonic possession or exorcism, it is practically impossible to not get sucked into the spooky tale of young Regan McNeil and the events which transpire when her body becomes the temporary home for the evil spirit Pazuzu, as often happens.

This blu-ray edition features the 2000 released, “Version You’ve Never Seen”, which includes the infamous originally deleted but now restored spider walk sequence, where twelve year old Regan, played convincingly by Linda Blair, walks down the stairs on her hands and feet, backwards and upside down. I caught this version on the big screen at the time and believe me, it will send shivers down your spine.

The bonus features include some very interesting documentaries on the making of the film, plus an informative commentary from the director, William Friedkin. Unfortunately, the 2008 BBC documentary, The Fear of God: The Making of “The Exorcist” is nowhere to be found. A must-see for any fan of classic cinema, don’t watch it alone, or without extra underwear on hand.

Machete spun from a spoof trailer added to the 2007 Grindhouse double feature from directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. Unfortunately, Australian distributors did not think that audiences would sit though two horror / exploitation flicks in a row, complete with fake coming soon trailers, and the films were released separately, bombing badly at the box office.

Starring ex-con turned actor Danny Trejo in his first leading role, Machete also boasts an all-star lineup of top shelf Hollywood actors such as Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez, as well as has-been acts including Don Johnson, Steven Seagal and Lindsay Lohan.

A violent, bloody celebration of B-grade seventies drive-in fare, the film is great fun, especially if you enjoy the work of director Rodriguez, who co-directs with Ethan Maniquis. If you’ve ever wanted to see Bob De Niro hamming it up alongside renowned thespian Seagal, then Machete should be on your bargain bin list. Don’t expect much from the extra features. There are a few deleted scenes and a pointless audience reaction sound track.

Faster stars Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Driver. Yep, no name, just Driver. To up the acting quotient, Billy Bob Thornton also stars as Cop. Hmm, perhaps they should have renamed the film, Movie.

The problem with Faster is that they’ve taken Johnson, one of the most charismatic Hollywood stars to emerge in recent years, and removed any sense of humour or fun from the film. An action packed revenge thriller, it takes itself way too seriously and made me want the film to end…faster.

For a few dollars more than the price of one new blu-ray release, I got one classic, one rewatchable spoof and one humourless dud, which translates into two keepers and one pretty coaster. Not bad for forty bucks, really.

Published in: on October 17, 2011 at 05:22  Leave a Comment  
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Cut from the Final Cut

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 13th September 2011.

Imagine being a struggling actor and after years of unsuccessful auditions, you finally get your big break. You rehearse your lines, shoot your scenes and then gather all your friends and family together to watch your work on the big or small screen. Imagine your horror when you find that your scenes have been reduced to a few seconds of screen time or even worse, cut completely from the final project.

Star Wars debuts on high definition blu-ray tomorrow. For Episode IV: A New Hope, English actor Garrick Hagon was cast in the role of Biggs Darklighter, Luke Skywalker’s long time friend. He shot several scenes including one on Tatooine where he confides to Luke that he wishes to abandon the Imperial Academy to join the Rebel Alliance, as well as a reunion at the Yavin 4 hanger prior to the Death Star battle. Both of these ended up on the editing room floor, with only a minor appearance, and subsequent death by explosion thanks to Darth Vader, making it into the original 1977 cut.

I suppose he can’t complain. Hagon does appear in one of the most popular motion pictures ever, and was even immortalised as an action figure. And that is much more than my next subject can say.

The Big Chill was a hit film released in 1983. It was directed by Lawrence Kasdan and starred Glenn Close, Jeff Goldblum, William Hurt and Kevin Kline. Its storyline follows a group of college friends who come back together as thirtysomethings after the suicide of one their mates.

The original script called for flashbacks of the dead friend’s life that were to be interspersed throughout the film. These scenes were shot using an unknown actor at the time named Kevin Costner.

In the final cut, all that remains of Costner’s work are a few shots of his wrists and hair as the corpse is being prepared for the funeral. After sitting through Costner’s self-indulgent disaster, The Postman, I think The Big Chill may be his best work. The deleted scenes have never been released.

Speaking of which, The Big Chill soundtrack is rather excellent. Costner isn’t on that either.

Being cut from a film is not just a phenomenon for unknown actors. Famed film director Terrance Malick finally returned to the big screen with 1998’s The Thin Red Line after an absence of twenty years. This World War 2 drama features seemingly every big name male actor of the time, including Sean Penn, Nick Nolte and George Clooney.

Malick’s first cut ran for a bum-numbing five hours. By the time it hit cinemas, The Thin Red Line was down to 170 minutes. Unfortunately, to achieve this feat, all of the scenes featuring Gary Oldman, Billy Bob Thornton, Viggo Mortensen, Jason Patric, Mickey Rourke, Bill Pullman and Martin Sheen were left on the cutting room floor. I hope they all got paid anyway.

The deadly final cut has even happened to me, although in my case I barely made it in front of the camera.

In my years as a child actor, I was cast in the ABC miniseries Children of the Dragon, starring Gary Sweet. I played a hotel bellhop and had two scenes opposite English actor, Bob Peck.

Peck had starred in the sci-fi flick Slipstream opposite Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill, so I was pretty excited. He later went on to star in Jurassic Park as doomed game warden Robert Muldoon.

My first scene was shot in the morning. All I had to do was grab Bob’s suitcase from a limo and lead him up some stairs. My other scene had dialogue so a few days later I dutifully practiced my lines and waited in the dressing room for my call to work with Mr Peck. Eight hours later, an assistant knocks on the door and informs me that they are running late and my scene had been cut.

What a bummer. Oh well, if it was good enough for Robin Hood, The Wrestler and that guy from Star Wars, it’s good enough for me too.

Published in: on October 17, 2011 at 05:12  Leave a Comment  
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Bored of Board Game Movies

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 16th August 2011.

As Hollywood continues to cannibalise itself with remake after remake, it has turned to other areas of popular culture in the hope of finding inspiration and more importantly, a profitable franchise.

We’ve had a glut of comic book films lately. Marvel has churned out the rather enjoyable Thor and Captain America flicks this year, both chapters of a storyline leading up to the highly anticipated Avengers movie to be released next year. DC unleashed the rather ho-hum Green Lantern on cinemas this week, and they’ll soon be serving up the final film in Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy plus another reboot of the Superman franchise.

Video games have been the basis of many terrible and a few decent movies of late. From the absolute low point of Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead to the fun Resident Evil series, these films always fail to deliver an experience that comes close to playing the game but that doesn’t seem to stop Hollywood from trying. There is talk that video game classic Space Invaders has been licensed for a cinematic revision. In this particular case, I would be happy if they don’t try to capture the gaming experience. I’m pretty sure that a Space Invaders film has already been made. It was called Independence Day.

And then there were the toy films. The Transformers franchise has certainly been the high point in terms of box office clout. Unfortunately, the power of Grayskull couldn’t save Masters of the Universe from being unwatchable, and G.I. Joe was a great film to ignore when you’re reading a book. This year, Hugh Jackman will star with boxing robots in Real Steel, based on the Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots toy line.

Just when you thought that there were no other aspects of pop culture to rape and pillage for a quick movie buck, the trailer for Battleship was released recently. That’s right, a movie based on the Milton Bradley board game.

Starring Liam Neeson and R & B superstar Rihanna, the plot focuses on an international naval fleet preparing for training exercises when they come into contact with an alien force. The trailer features a scene revealing that the aliens have knocked out the battleships’ radar, thus forcing them to fire blindly at the enemy (of course).

I’m absolutely positive that this terrible idea for a movie will feature a captain standing on a naval vessel bridge watching the skirmish unfold on a screen and then shouting out, “You’ve sunk my battleship!”

There’s also talk of Bladerunner director Ridley Scott developing a film based on the Monopoly board game. This sounds like a contender for Worst Film of the Decade not starring Katherine Heigl™.  OK, it may make a decent theme for a scratchie or McDonalds promotion but it sounds like the death of narrative cinema to me. In the same way that I have never ever finished a game of Monopoly (has anyone?)  I doubt I will make it through this clunker if it ever gets made.

In Hollywood, it seems as though there is nothing new under the sun. To me, board games represent family holidays where we’ve been stuck in the caravan on a wet day. Unless it’s Hungry, Hungry Hippos in 3D, I have no interest in movies based on board games. Do not collect $200 and do not pass go.

Published in: on August 16, 2011 at 07:29  Leave a Comment  
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Transformers 3: less than meets the eye

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 5th July 2011.

Like many movie goers this weekend, I took in a screening of the much anticipated Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Directed with the subtlety of a sledgehammer by Michael Bay (Bad Boys, Pearl Harbor, Armageddon), this 157 minute toy commercial was shot in 3D with the assistance of little known director, James Cameron. Mercifully, my session was in 2D. Whilst I was initially excited by the prospect of 3D cinema, I’m now over it completely. The glasses are uncomfortable and make me look like Buddy Holly pre-crash, plus I find the picture a little too dark and cannot follow the action.

The crazy thing about the Transformers sequels is that they are so unnecessarily complicated. I could not tell you what the storyline of the latest film is about. There’s plenty of running, explosions and shooting.  And not much of the movie takes place on the moon.

As a card carrying member of Generation X, I grew up playing with Transformers toys (I even had the opposition toy range, Machine Men or GoBots) and watching the cartoons. My dream Transformers movie would be the realisation of the battles that took place in my head and on the living room floor when I was a kid.

How about this for the perfect Transformers movie? Optimus Prime and the Autobots explore my mum’s kitchen in search of the Whisk of Power. The evil Megatron teams up with Skeletor and E.T. to locate the Egg Beater of Destiny in the second drawer down and the final battle takes place under the living room table. Chaos ensues until bedtime.

Seriously though, I’m struggling to recall anything that took place in Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Nothing has stuck. The trailer certainly made a greater impression. How sad.

And what’s with the title? Did Pink Floyd deny Paramount and Hasbro the rights to their famous album name? If that’s the case, why go with the nonsensical “Dark of the Moon” then? I guess it doesn’t matter. Considering the film is a mess, they probably should have gone with Transformers: A Momentary Lapse of Reason instead.

My recommendation is that you by-pass this holiday’s crop of mediocrity. Jim Carrey’s Mr Popper’s Penguins looks pretty dire. By all reports The Green Lantern is terrible. Harry Potter and the Cauldron of Penguins Part Seven may be the only hope for filmgoers.

If you have pay TV, stay at home and enjoy some of the landmark shows about to kick off. Boardwalk Empire, a 12 part series set in Prohibition era Atlantic City, has just concluded and was absolutely amazing. Executive produced by Martin Scorsese and starring Steve Buscemi, this gripping series was television storytelling at its best.

The next instalment in the Dr Who spinoff, Torchwood, will debut next Saturday. Entitled Torchwood: Miracle Day, John Barrowman returns as Captain Jack Harkness in this ten part season which will explore what happens when the population of Earth stop dying.

Finally, the much anticipated Game of Thrones, another big budget series and starring Sean Bean, will debut on July 17. Based on the popular books by George R. R. Martin, the show follows “kings and queens, knights and renegades, liars and noblemen as they vie for power.” I can’t wait.

Some of the best storytelling is taking place on your idiot box. With toy companies now in the filmmaking business, why not stay home and have a big night in?

Published in: on July 5, 2011 at 08:45  Leave a Comment  
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Classic Films in High Def

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 28th June 2011.

The future of home entertainment is looking blu. With the steady uptake of HD screens, blu-ray is fast becoming the new standard. And just as DVDs took a few years to become popular way back in the late nineties, blu-ray disc sales have now reached a point where prices have started to come down. Titles that were initially priced at $35 – $50 a year or two ago are now on sale at the $15 mark. That’s great value for those wanting to replace their DVD collection, but not so good for early adopters.

Of course, just because a film is available in high definition does not mean that it is any good. Those extra pixels will not make Lindsay Lohan’s “acting” in I Know Who Killed Me any more convincing. And from a technical perspective, not all films will receive the same quality of remastering for a high definition release. With smaller distributors also starting to release budget titles in blu-ray, you probably get what you pay for.

Keeping in mind that this week’s latest release at full price will be in next month’s bargain bin, I suggest that your hard earned dollars go towards some of the landmark blu-ray box sets that are on the horizon. With hours of extras, nice packaging and, obviously, a classic film or seven remastered in beautiful high definition, they represent good value and will be a welcome addition to any discerning film buff’s collection.

Tomorrow will see the release of The Lord of the Rings extended edition box set. Featuring 6 blu-ray discs and 9 DVDs, you get the extended versions of all three films plus a whopping 26 hours of extras. Although it could be argued that you’d probably be able to walk to Mount Doom and back yourself in the 683 minute running time of the extended trilogy, this may well be the most comprehensive box set ever released. In fact, if a short hike to the Cracks of Doom floats your boat, the box set even comes complete with a replica ring. Priced at around $120 (that’s $8 a disc), this is great value and I recommend that you get your hairy feet down to the shops this week and buy yourself this “precious” box set.

All geeks should have September 14 marked in their smart phone calendars. This is the day where we all get to reach into our pockets and buy Star Wars for the umpteenth time. That’s right, George Lucas has finally relented to fan requests and made Episodes I – VI available on blu-ray for the first time. I’m sure it won’t do his bank balance any harm either. For about $140, you’ll get all six films and over 30 hours of documentaries and extras on 9 discs. If, like me, you’re Jar Jar intolerant and prefer to pretend the prequel trilogy doesn’t exist, both trilogies will be available separately too.

For the more astute film buff, I’d certainly recommend the Stanley Kubrick: Visionary Filmmaker Collection which features seven iconic films plus extensive documentaries over 8 discs. This set, currently discounted to around $70 at one of the larger DVD retailers, includes Lolita and Barry Lyndon for the first time ever in high definition. Worth the price of the set alone is the bonus feature length documentary, Stanley Kubrick: A Life in Pictures.

The Al Pacino classic Scarface will also get a high definition makeover in September. For around $60, you’ll get a Tony Montana signature money clip, a dollar bill featuring Tony’s face, a replica of his green card and three art cards, all housed in a wooden cigar box. Did I mention you also get the movie on blu-ray? A modern classic, I’ll be saying hello to my new little friend in September.

Lastly, if you love the small of napalm in the morning, you’ll also love the new remastered triple disc Apocalypse Now box set. Complete with transfers supervised by Francis Ford Coppola himself, this new edition will be laden with extras including the brilliant documentary about the making of this classic, Hearts of Darkness, also in high definition for the first time.

So why waste your money on Yogi Bear and The Last Airbender on blu-ray when you can sink your teeth into some classics finally available in high definition? And although I’d always argue that content is more important than packaging, the fancy boxes and goodies inside are pretty cool too.

Published in: on July 5, 2011 at 08:41  Comments (1)  
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Film Review: Super 8

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 14th June 2011.

This year’s crop of summer blockbusters features a dearth of truly original material. We have sequels a go-go with Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, The Hangover Part II, Kung Fu Panda 2, Cars 2, Transformers: Dark of the Moon and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II. There are prequels in X-Men: First Class as well as remakes such as Conan the Barbarian. From the pages of comic books will come Green Lantern and Captain America: The First Avenger.

Arguably the only original tent pole movie release of the season, the much anticipated Super 8 hit screens worldwide last week. Written and directed by J.J. Abrams, who had major success with TV series Lost and Alias, before moving to the big screen with Star Trek (2009) and Mission Impossible 3 (2006), the movie follows the adventures of a group of kids in small town seventies America as they attempt to shoot a home grown zombie film amidst the arrival of a strange creature, and the military, via a devastating train crash.

The film is openly a homage to the work of Steven Spielberg, who came on board as producer for Super 8, with inspiration drawn from E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982), Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) and The Goonies (1985).

Most remarkable about this film, which I’m glad is not available in 3D, are the performances from the young actors. As the lead character Joe Lamb, struggling with the death of his mother and his emerging hormones, fifteen year old Joel Courtney is marvellous with a sincere, everyman performance that is not surprisingly reminiscent of Henry Thomas as Elliott in E.T.

The real discovery of the film is Elle Fanning, younger sister of Dakota, as Alice, Joe’s love interest. An early scene where her character demonstrates a natural ability to act in the shooting of the movie within the movie is a revelation. This is a career to watch.

The creature itself is deliberately hidden throughout the early stages of the film. The breathtaking train crash which frees “Cooper”, as he was named by the director during the making of the picture, is breathtaking. It may be an annoyance initially to some as the monster is obviously seen by characters but obscured to the audience but the suspense worked for me. I don’t think I’m spoiling anything by saying that once Cooper is revealed, the stakes drop a little, quite similarly to another creature feature, the J.J. Abrams produced Cloverfield (2008).

In particular, Generation X’ers will feel a strong sense of nostalgia for eighties cinema, where kids on the big screen went on adventures uninhibited by mobile phone, computers and parents. A sense of wonder about the world, combined with a couple of scary bits, will make you want to go straight home after the credits and relive some similar gems such as Gremlins (1984) and Stand By Me (1986).

Venturing into slightly saccharine territory at the end, the heart of Super 8 is the relationships between the kids. The performances of the young cast are worth the price of admission alone. Make sure you stay during the credits for the full zombie mini-movie.

Although not a perfect film, Super 8 comes highly recommended and is my favourite film of the year so far.

Published in: on June 14, 2011 at 09:55  Leave a Comment  
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Movie Stingers and Credit Cookies

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 24th May 2011.

Projectionists must hate me. I’m the sucker that stays in the cinema until the very end of the credits. I know they want to get in there and clean up but watching every name involved in making the film is my way of saying thank you. I also like to check out which countries and locations were used as shooting locations. And I feel so much better knowing that no animals were harmed in the making of the picture.

I’m kidding. I’m actually on the lookout for what is known as a movie stinger, tag, credit cookie or movie coda. That is, an extra little scene at the end of the credits.

Current superhero movie factory, Marvel Studios, has been adding a stinger to its recent crop of pictures, each one slowly building towards The Avengers movie which will unite Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America and Thor. At the end of Iron Man (2008), Tony Stark, played by Robert Downey Jr., meets S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Nick Fury, portrayed by Samuel L. Jackson. Tony Stark then makes a cameo at the end of The Incredible Hulk (2008), although this is just before the credits. The credits of Iron Man 2 (2010) conclude with Agent Coulson of S.H.I.E.L.D. discovering Thor’s hammer in the desert. I won’t spoil the tag at the end of Thor but it is certainly worth waiting for.

Each entry in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise also features a stinger. The original, released in 2003, ends with Jack the Monkey stealing an Aztec medallion and becoming a cursed undead primate. Dead Man’s Chest (2006) concludes with the island dog being worshipped by the natives as a god. At World’s End (2007) features a stinger which shows Will being united with Elizabeth and his son, ten years into the future. The latest, On Stranger Tides (2011), also has a tag, but after a whopping 141 minutes of Piratey goodness or tosh (depending on your taste) you’ll need to sit out a bum numbing 8 minutes of credits to get to the good stuff.

The recent A-Team movie (2010) hilariously brings together the new Face and Murdock (Bradley Cooper and Sharlto Copley) with their original TV series counterparts, Dirk Benedict and Dwight Schultz in a post-credit stinger. I had to leave the cinema in a hurry for that one to return the large frozen coke I borrowed but I did catch the tag on blu-ray.

This year’s Fast and Furious 5, or Fast 5, also features a post-credit sequence which hints that there will another sequel. I don’t need a stinger to tell me that. $23 million at the Australian box office is a pretty good indication that another instalment is in the works. As a kid, I loved the Famous 5. I don’t remember them having cars though…

Stingers are by no means a new thing. My favourite stingers are from eighties flops. The Super Mario Bros. disaster from 1993 features two Japanese businessmen discussing a video game starring Mario’s enemies, Iggy and Spike. OK, so that’s not very funny but it’s Flying High compared to the rest of the film. The Masters of the Universe (1987) feature film stars renown Shakespearean actor Dolph Lundgren as He-Man. Post-credits, a defeated Skeletor (Frank Langella) pops out of the waters surrounding Castle Numbskull to declare, “I’ll be back.” I’m still waiting.

So stick around after the credits have rolled. You never know what extra morsel the filmmakers may have left for you.

 

 

 


The Sixth Sense (1999) features a creepy repeat of the spooky voice on tape saying, “I don’t wanna die” right at the end of the credits to scare anyone left in the cinema.

Published in: on May 30, 2011 at 08:05  Comments (1)  
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The Expendables 2: my handpicked cast

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 17th May 2011.

Action flick The Expendables (2010) was a major hit, grossing US$266 million from an US$80 million budget. Under the direction of Sylvester Stallone, the film brought together a dream team of eighties and nineties action stars, many of whom had never appeared on screen together before, such as Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rouke, Dolph Lungren and Arnold Schwartzenegger. With little plot but many explosions, the film itself was a bit of a letdown for action movie fans but the box office dollars have ensured that a sequel is in the works and set for release in 2012.

With the majority of the original cast returning for more mayhem, there is speculation about who else might be joining the lineup. Here are my suggestions for The Expendables 2.

Sammo Hung has enjoyed a lengthy career in Asia, starring, directing, producing and fight choreographing many films throughout the seventies until now. His biggest successes have been kung fu action comedies that have capitalized on his rather portly frame, such as Enter the Fat Dragon (1979) and Skinny Tiger, Fatty Dragon (1990). In Australia, he is best known for his TV series Martial Law, which ran for 2 seasons between 1998 and 2000. Reportedly, Hung had very poor English at the time and was taught his lines phonetically. In other scenes, he said nothing at all. With a similar command of the English language as Sylvester Stallone, Hung would be perfect for The Expendables.

Cynthia Rothrock burst onto the B grade action flick scene in the eighties and has appeared in over thirty films including No Retreat, No Surrender (1986) and China O’Brien (1988). A five time World Karate Champion, Rothrock was a rarity in that as a Caucasian actress (and I use that term loosely) she became a star in Asia well before gaining any fame Stateside. Rothrock would add some much needed butt kicking estrogen to a mega macho cast.

Apparently Chuck Norris’ computer doesn’t have a “Ctrl” key because he is always in total control. Norris began his career opposite Bruce Lee in Way of the Dragon (1972) and went on to star in many brain numbing but fun eighties action films such as Lone Wolf McQuade (1983), Missing in Action (1984) and The Delta Force (1986). His TV series Walker, Texas Ranger ran from 1993 to 2001. As Cordell Walker, Norris played a half white, half Native American Ranger who delivers justice with his unique blend of the old west and eastern martial arts. As you do. Norris could easily portray the facial hair specialist in The Expendables.

If you are after an aftershave that will bring out the washed up eighties action star in you, why not consider Steven Seagal’s Scent of Action? For the energy drink fans there is also Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt. Did I mention that he also has a range of homeopathic oils? Seagal is currently a Reserve Deputy Chief of the Sheriff’s Officer in Louisiana. Hopefully he will track down and arrest some criminals, namely those responsible for his recent slew of terrible direct to DVD movies. Seagal could also provide the soundtrack to The Expendables 2, having two albums to his name, one of which featured a duet with Stevie Wonder. Obviously Wonder agreed to work with him because he’s never seen one of his movies (boom boom).

The Expendables 2 is sure to be a major hit. And with Sylvester Stallone confirming that he won’t be directing, it is also sure to be watchable too. With a bevy of faded, bloated aging action heroes likely to be pulled out of mothballs for each subsequent sequel, perhaps this testosterone laden series should be renamed The Expandables.

Published in: on May 22, 2011 at 10:32  Leave a Comment  
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Superhero going stale? Reboot!

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 10th May 2011.

Next year will see the cinematic release of The Dark Knight Rises, the third film in Christopher Nolan’s Batman Trilogy. With stars Christian Bale and Gary Oldman returning, along with new cast members Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, Tom Harding as Bane and Joseph Gordon-Levy as an unnamed character, the film is sure to be a major box office hit for Warner Bros and DC Entertainment. However, with Nolan and Bale confirming that they will not be back for a fourth film in the franchise, rumours are rife that Batman will be rebooted with a new director and star.

In cinema, a reboot is where all previous continuity in a series is discarded and begins anew. In the Caped Crusader’s case, Tim Burton’s original series, which began in 1989 with the box office smash starring Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson, had petered out to a kiddie friendly mess by 1997 with Batman and Robin, directed by Joel Schumacher (The Lost Boys), when the big red reboot button was thankfully pressed.

Batman isn’t the only comic superhero to undergo a reboot. The Man of Steel has been revised once, and is soon to be revamped again. Following four films starring Christopher Reeve, each one sillier than the next, reaching rock bottom with the anti-nuclear rubbish that was Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, X-Men director Bryan Singer was given the reins to reboot the franchise. Starring Brandon Routh and Kevin Spacey, Superman Returns essentially eliminates the original third and fourth films and picks up from where the second film ended.

Superman Returns, which was shot in Sydney, was not the mega success anticipated by Warner Bros, and now the rebooted Superman: The Man of Steel, which will premiere in 2012 and star Henry Cavill in the blue tights, will begin production soon.

Marvel comic characters are also not immune to a reboot or four. Mr Fantastic, the Invisible Woman, the Human Torch and The Thing make up the Fantastic Four, who were successfully translated into cinematic gold in two films produced between 2005 and 2007.  Starring Jessica Alba and Julian McMahon, both movies were profitable for Fox. A much more superficial take on the superhero genre compared to Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise, the Fantastic Four are due to be rebooted soon.

Sam Raimi’s very successful Spiderman trilogy has made a fortune for Sony Pictures. Following the critically panned Spiderman 3, which starred Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst, Sony has announced a reboot, The Amazing Spider-man, to be directed by Marc Webb (no pun intended) and starring Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker and Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy.

The dilemma with reboots is where to take a renewed franchise. After the serious Gothic style of Michael Keaton’s Batman to the silliness of Val Kilmer’s Caped Crusader to the craptacular Bat-nipples on George Clooney’s Bat-suit to the super dramatic gravelly tones of Christian Bale, where to next for the Dark Knight? You can’t really go any darker than Health Ledger as the Joker and you can’t get any campier than Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze (unless Adam West is looking for work). The choice in my opinion is simple, a musical spectacular on ice in 3D. Holy reboot Batman!

Published in: on May 10, 2011 at 08:07  Leave a Comment  
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