B Movie Buffet

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 16th April 2013.

Every so often I feel compelled to visit my local non-specific video store and take advantage of a special offer in order to bring you my B Movie Buffet. The popcorn is ready and the sneeze guard has been removed. Let me watch the dross so that you don’t have to.

First up in this cavalcade of clunkers is Silent Hill: Revelation 3D, a sequel to the 2006 original which was based on the Konami video game. Starring unknown Australian actress Adelaide Clemens, the film also features appearances from returning stars of the original, Sean Bean, Radha Mitchell and Deborah Kara Unger. Ah, the power of contractual obligation. The movie impressively adopts the nightmarish imagery of its source material. Abandoned hospitals, bizarre creatures, faceless scalpel wielding nurses…they’re all here. Just like the video game, the film also has no discernible plot whatsoever. The filmmakers really need to look up the meaning of “revelation” in the dictionary.

WWE Superstar Mike “The Miz” Mizanin stars as the third incarnation of the titular character in The Marine: Homefront, a direct-to-DVD entry in the franchise from WWE Studios. This reasonably new production company was established to showcase the acting talents of WWE wrestlers. Insert laughter here. In the prologue, the film explains that US marines are trained to deal with any situation. After watching this unintentionally hilarious film, this obviously includes saving your sister from terrorists embarking on the dumbest scheme ever with flaws and assumptions big enough to drive a tank through.

Next up on the conveyer belt of cheese is Red Dawn. A remake of the 1984 original which starred the late Patrick Swayze, this teen action flick was actually made in 2009 but delayed due to MGM’s financial problems. Prior to the film’s release last year, the remake’s villains were changed from a Chinese invading force to North Korean. There’s a lot of money to be made at the box office in China compared to North Korea, you see. Aussies Chris Hemsworth and Isabel Lucas lead up the Wolverines, a rebel fighting force formed by some good looking teens who manage to escape the initial invasion. In a ridiculous training montage, Hemsworth transforms the rag tag group into a tight military unit in a single day. Plot holes abound. How do the North Korean soldiers parachute into Spokane and then suddenly have tanks and jeeps? How do the Wolverines infiltrate the city to carry out their missions when everyone else appears to be locked down? Why do I care? My verdict: Tomorrow When the Bore Began.

Last up is the pick of the litter, although that’s not saying much. Here Comes the Boom stars Kevin James of The King of Queens fame. He plays a biology teacher who becomes an MMA fighter in order to raise funds to save his school’s music program, run by The Fonz. There are a few laughs to be had, and I must admit to rather enjoy seeing James, an incredibly annoying comic, get punched and kicked in the head. A predictable ending leaves a saccharine taste in the mouth, and it’s no surprise that this lightweight sports comedy comes from Happy Madison Productions, Adam Sandler’s production company.

Published in: on April 17, 2013 at 19:16  Leave a Comment  
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Concert Review: Paul Simon Live – 2 April 2013 Sydney Entertainment Centre

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 9th April 2013.

Many, many moons ago, for my twelfth birthday party, I compiled a wish list of cassettes that I wanted to receive from my family and schoolmates. For the uninitiated, cassettes were the precursor to compact discs and had a tendency to melt in the car on hot days in summer. They were also much harder to use as drink coasters.

My list was varied and contained just as many albums that would be considered classics as embarrassments. For every Crowded House debut album, there was a Rick Astley disaster. For every Kick by INXS, there was a Tiffany album. As always, I will deny owning these terrible albums if asked (I’m still talking to you, Doug, the newspaper guy).

One cassette I loved from the moment I pressed play was Graceland by Paul Simon. My gateway track was the hit single You Can Call Me Al, which featured a music video starring Chevy Chase, back when he was funny (he later became funny again in the hit comedy series Community but sadly left the show last year, which for fans like me wasn’t funny).

Graceland was the amalgam of Simon’s pop and folk roots and his discovery of South African music. Every track is a gem and the album, which celebrated its 25th anniversary last year, is still on regular rotation in my home and car (on CD even).

So it was with great excitement that I witnessed a 70 year old Paul Simon in concert at the soon-to-be-demolished Sydney Entertainment Centre last Tuesday night. I missed his support act, Rufus Wainwright, but heard some audience members giving him scathing reviews in the foyer, so I may have dodged a bullet there.

Opening with the Graceland classic, Gumboots, it was clear that the capacity crowd were in for a musical treat. Simon’s eight piece multi-instrumentalist backing band was absolutely remarkable and recreated the sound of the Graceland tracks, in particular, flawlessly.

In his awkward introductory speech, Simon announced that he wanted to play an upbeat set, which was fine by me as I had just driven for three and a half hours from work and had the same journey ahead of me immediately after the concert. Hit after hit followed in rapid succession: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard, The Obvious Child. Unfortunately, the overzealous security folk kept those wanting to dance in their assigned places, however, with a largely baby boomer audience, arthritis may have also been responsible for everyone else staying comfortably seated.

Simon performed six Graceland tracks during the show, including You Can Call Me Al, as well as songs from his earlier solo work right up to his new album, 2011’s So Beautiful or So What. He also performed some covers including a beautiful version of George Harrison’s Here Comes the Sun.

Returning for his third encore, Simon announced that he felt like playing some Simon and Garfunkel tracks and sent us all home after two hours of pure musical bliss with joyful renditions of America, Homeward Bound and The Boxer. I might have shed a tear or two during the final track. I said “might have”, Doug.

Published in: on April 9, 2013 at 18:42  Leave a Comment  
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Film Review – The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 19th March 2013.

I’ve always been a little dubious when it comes to movie titles that consist of a character’s name. For every Erin Brockovich there’s a Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. For every Michael Clayton, there’s a Mr Deeds.

Blame Adam Sandler. He certainly cornered the market on this, starting with Billy Madison, his finest comedic turn in my opinion, and then Happy Madison. It’s all downhill from there but that’s another column.

And so it was with a little trepidation that I experienced The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. Steve Carell stars as the titular Las Vegas magician whose act has became stale. A split with his long time stage partner, Anton Marvelton (Steve Buscemi) and the growing popularity of newcomer street magician Steve Gray (Jim Carrey) forces Wonderstone out of his luxurious casino apartment and onto the streets. With the help of veteran magician Rance Halloway (Alan Arkin), the man who inspired him to become an illusionist, Wonderstone must rediscover his roots to win back his place onstage at Ballys.

Carell is a gifted comedic actor but I’ve never been convinced that he can carry a film on his own. Smartly, he surrounds himself with a fantastic supporting cast. Most recently seen in the brilliant HBO series Boardwalk Empire as Enoch “Nucky” Thompson, Steve Buscemi reminds us that he can do comedy too with a scene stealing turn as Wonderstone’s naive offsider. Alan Arkin is one of the best character actors working today and shines as a disgruntled retired magician. And Jim Carrey is all abs and tattoos as the sinewy unhinged Steve Gray, a thinly veiled clone of street magician Criss Angel.

But the true stars of this movie are the crazy wigs. Carell, Carey and Buscemi are regularly upstaged by their Copperfield-tastic rugs.

Screenwriters Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley also penned Horrible Bosses, a comedy with a nasty streak that starred Jason Bateman and Kevin Spacey. This time, they hold back on the black humour in favour of sight gags and slapstick.

Director Don Scardino is a veteran TV comedy director best known for his work on 30 Rock, and handles proceedings with a solid but unremarkable style.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone has enough gags to keep you tittering throughout its 100 minute running time. Unfortunately, most of them are featured in the trailer. The best laugh of the film comes right at the end of the film. I won’t spoil it except to say that it is worth the wait.

You could do worse than this flick for your hard earned movie dollars. I just don’t think we’ll be talking about it in a few years. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone is a solid but unremarkable comedy. Only time will tell if it will be remembered as a successful movie named after its lead character.

Published in: on March 19, 2013 at 06:45  Leave a Comment  
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Film Review: Oz the Great and Powerful

This review was originally published on The Orange Post on Sunday 17th March 2013.

What happens when you take a well known filmmaker with a distinct visual style and a back catalogue of cult and popular hits, and run them through the Disney corporate movie machine? There are two answers to this question: Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland and now Sam Raimi’s Oz the Great and Powerful.

Burton’s 2010 blockbuster was a bland CGI heavy 3D mess that dispensed with character in favour of spectacle. Unfortunately, Oz suffers the same fate. Responsible for three of my favourite films of all time, the Evil Dead trilogy, Raimi’s trademark fast paced style and wry humour is crushed by the Disney steamroller leaving behind a pretty screensaver and little else.

With the rights to The Wizard of Oz, including all of the elements introduced in the 1939 MGM film which did not originate in L. Frank Baum’s book, held by Warner Bros., art director Robert Stromberg was forced to redesign the Land of Oz for this unofficial prequel. Thus, there are no ruby slippers, the yellow brick road in Munchkinland has a different swirl and even the Wicked Witch’s green skin tone is slightly (but legally) different.

These limitations, coupled with a reliance on CGI, results in landscapes which appear to have been lifted straight from last year’s Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, another ho-hum green screen adventure.

As the titular Oz, James Franco is out of his depth. Smiling is not the same as emoting and I wonder what the earlier casting choices of Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Jnr. would have brought to the film. Oz is a complex character who treats people badly at the beginning of the film, but then begins to see the value of friendship and love. Unfortunately, all of this character development is undermined by the audience’s knowledge that he will bugger off in the balloon at the first opportunity in the next film.

Rachel Weisz and Mila Kunis are serviceable as witchy sisters Evanora and Theodora. Michelle Williams fares better as Glinda, a role that requires her to do little else but look pretty and speak in a breathy style. Zach Braff appears in the beginning as Oz’s offsider Frank and then voices the CGI monkey bellhop Finley. A little Zach Braff goes a long way so don’t be surprised if you feel like reaching out and trying to strangle the 3D monkey by the end of the film.

The theme of duality which worked well in the MGM original makes little to no sense in this prequel. Beginning in black and white and a 4:3 aspect ratio, Raimi’s film then transitions to colour, 2:35:1 widescreen and stereo sound upon arrival in Oz. Several actors make cameos in the black and white segment, and then reappear as different characters in Oz. There seems to be no explanation for this. No-one is clicking their heels and going back to Kansas at the end of the film.

Remarkably, Raimi cannibalises from his own work, with a graveyard sequence and mechanical line of soldiers distracting the enemy ripped directly from Army of Darkness.

In 2009’s Drag Me to Hell, Raimi showed he was capable of finding his mojo again after a creative disappointment with Spider-Man 3. Let’s just hope he does something truly great and powerful after the disappointment that is Oz the Great and Powerful.

Published in: on March 18, 2013 at 17:51  Leave a Comment  
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Film Review: Searching for Sugarman

This review was originally published on The Orange Post on 3rd March 2013.

This year’s Oscars came and went with few surprises. Sure, Christoph Waltz beat out everybody’s favourite curmudgeon Tommy Lee Jones in the Best Supporting Actor category. And solid thriller Argo took out the Best Picture gong, over my pick, the brilliant Zero Dark Thirty. All of the other major categories fell as predicted to deserving winners in an awards ceremony that is rapidly losing relevance.

As always, picking up an Oscar directs millions of extra eyeballs towards a film. Argo, a movie that pretty much everyone except me had seen before the ceremony, will benefit with a boost in retail sales and rentals. Hell, even my mother was raving about Argo in January. I’ve since caught up, but for my money, the film that deserves its dues post-Oscars is the winner of the Best Documentary category, the amazing Searching for Sugarman.

Directed by Swede Malik Bendjelloul, the film focuses on Sixto Rodriguez, an American folk musician who recorded two little heard albums in the early seventies, Cold Fact and Coming from Reality, and then disappeared without a trace. In a bizarre twist of fate, a copy of Cold Fact made its way to South Africa, where Rodriguez’s anti-authoritarian lyrics found an audience in a country at war with itself over apartheid.

Half a million copies of Rodriguez albums were sold in South Africa, however, due to its political isolation for much of the seventies and eighties, little else was known about the singer. All they had was his likeness which adorned his record covers. Rumours circulated about his suicide which eventually became accepted fact.

The documentary follows two Cape Town fans, Stephen ‘Sugar’ Segerman and Craig Bartholomew Strydom, as they set out in the late nineties to find out what really happened to Rodriguez.

It would be a crime for me to say anything else about what happens next. What’s important is that you do not read anything else about this film (besides this review) before you see it.

The soundtrack, which consists of original Rodriguez tunes, is magnificent and I’m sure, like me, you’ll be adding a copy Cold Fact to your shopping list before the credits end.

Searching for Sugarman is a fascinating tale about a musician who unknowingly became an icon. His story and the search to find him are unbelievable, if not for the fact that it is a true tale. The film is a near perfect example of storytelling at its finest, and will stay with you long after its 86 minute running time.

Published in: on March 3, 2013 at 18:58  Leave a Comment  
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Film Review: Django Unchained

This review was originally published on The Orange Post on Thursday 31st January 2013.

There are very few filmmakers on my must-see list. Regardless of the stars or story, I will be first in line to see anything from Christopher Nolan, Sam Raimi and Steven Spielberg. The other director on my list is one Quentin Tarantino and so it was with high expectations that I wandered into my local megaplex to experience Django Unchained.

Slavery seems to be the theme du jour in Hollywood. In a few weeks we’ll have Daniel Day Lewis impersonating a statue in Spielberg’s Lincoln but first up is QT’s exploration of revenge set four years before the Civil War.

Jamie Foxx plays the titular character, freed from slavery by bounty hunter and former dentist Dr King Shultz (Christoph Waltz). Initially a commercial arrangement in order to track down a trio of criminals, their relationship grows and soon they are working together to locate Django’s lost wife, Broomhilda, now a slave for Leonardo DiCaprio’s nefarious cotton plantation owner, Calvin Candie.

What follows is a highly enjoyable romp that, similar to QT’s previous film Inglourious Basterds, suffers from an identity crisis. The film opens with a vintage Columbia Film logo, which echoes Tarantino’s previous fixation on blaxploitation cinema. After all, Django’s surname is “Von Shaft”. Following that comes the modern Weinstein Company logo, immediately jarring you back to present day.

The film itself carries on with this thematic mishmash, with no element sitting comfortably with the other. There’s broad comedy, followed by explicit gun violence. We have historically accurate depictions of slavery and punishment alongside fictional mandingo fighting. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be a little bit uncomfortable, possibly all at the same time.

Broadly speaking, Django Unchained is a southern (not a western) and will sit alongside Inglourious Basterds in the Historical Fantasy shelf when it finally hits your local video store.

Much has been made in the media about the recurrent use of the n word but in the context of the film, it’s appropriate. Spike Lee has publically denounced the film for overusing the offensive word, and has refused to see it. I was much more offended by the gratuitous cameo at the end of the movie which almost sinks the whole affair.

The performances from the three leads are solid, although Waltz seems to be treading water with yet another eloquent and intelligent European character. Samuel L. Jackson provides plenty of menace as Stephen, the loyal house slave at Candieland Ranch. However, Kerry Washington as Broomhilda has little else to do but stand around.

Like all Tarantino ventures, the soundtrack is superb and has already become a staple in my music collection. Don’t play it in the car with the kids though.

As with other recent blockbusters such as The Hobbit, Zero Dark Thirty and Les Miserables, Django Unchained is a little too long and needed about half an hour cut from its 165 minute running time. Several opportunities to wrap the storyline up are missed to the film’s overall detriment.

Having typed all of that, I still had a good time with the movie. Don’t be influenced by the trailer. Everything that is depicted in it takes place within the first 20 minutes of the film. If your Tarantino scale has Jackie Brown at the top and Death Proof at the bottom, Django Unchained should easily rank in the top half.

Published in: on February 18, 2013 at 11:01  Leave a Comment  
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Film Review: The Last Stand

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 12th February 2013.

In July 1994, Arnold Schwarzenegger had his hand and shoeprints immortalised in concrete outside the iconic Mann’s Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard. Below his name is scrawled the Austrian Oak’s most famous catchphrase, “I’ll be back.” Following a disappointing “final” performance as Prince Hapi in the rather terrible Around the World in 80 Days, it was unclear if Schwarzenegger would return to the silver screen following his eight year service as Governor of California, which concluded in 2011. I’m pleased to say that Arnie has lived up to his word and will indeed be gracing our multiplexes with five new films over the next two years starting with The Last Stand.

Warming up with two cameos in the either-love-them-or-hate-them The Expendables series (for the record, I love them), Schwarzenegger is the marquee attraction once again under the direction of Korean Jee-woon Kim (responsible for the haunting I Saw the Devil). Arnie plays Sheriff Ray Owens, an ex-LAPD narcotics officer, who has retreated to the sleepy town of Sommerton Junction, Arizona for the quiet life. As you do. How many Austrian ex-LAPD narcotics officer sheriffs do you know?

When Mexican drug lord Gabriel Cortez, played by Eduardo Noriega (The Devil’s Backbone), escapes from FBI custody, only the Governator and a bunch of local characters stand between Cortez and the Mexican border, as the fugitive races towards them in a modified Chevrolet Corvette under pursuit from Forest Whitaker’s bumbling Agent John Bannister. Chaos ensues. And it’s good chaos.

The Last Stand has been rated MA 15+ in Australia and I’m not surprised. Despite a silly storyline and the presence of plenty of humour, the gun violence is bloody and explicit. Heads explode. Many blood squibs were sacrificed during the making of the film. It’s a good thing that Arnie has publically stated that he doesn’t believe that there is a parallel between film and real gun violence because if there was ever a convincing argument that the stockpiling of weapons in case of emergency is a good idea, The Last Stand is it.

Clearly Schwarzenegger has chosen to ease himself back into acting by taking on an undemanding role, a past-his-prime lawman. Many of the jokes revolve around Arnie being worn out and old. Surrounding himself with solid character actors also helps to overcome any acting rust (or is it sawdust?). Luis Guzmán and Johnny Knoxville are fun as the comic foils. Knoxville seems to be forging himself a career playing “simple” characters. Between his Jackass films and his acting credits, I’m not convinced he actually is acting. Whitaker is collecting a paycheck but brings a gravitas to his FBI agent who is always a step behind the drug lord’s henchmen, lead by the menacing Peter Stormare, of Prison Break fame.

The Last Stand is not ground breaking but will satisfy action fans who yearn for a return to the hard hitting action flicks of the eighties. The titular last stand is completely bonkers and well worth the wait.

Arnie is back. Relax, de-engage brain, hear the lamentation of the women and enjoy.

The Last Stand opens on February 21.

Published in: on February 18, 2013 at 10:56  Leave a Comment  
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FIlm Review: Zero Dark Thirty

This review was originally published on The Orange Post on Sunday 17th February 2013.

Kathryn Bigelow’s follow up to her Oscar winning The Hurt Locker begins with a black screen accompanied by recordings of real phone calls made by doomed workers trapped in the World Trade Centre in 2001. This disturbing moment sets the agenda for Zero Dark Thirty and for the next 150 minutes, the film, just like its protagonist, CIA analyst Maya, never loses sight of its target.

 Zero Dark Thirty is an almost perfect example of the procedural format of storytelling. Used widely in television in popular programs such as CSI, NCIS and Bones, as well as recent Oscar contender Lincoln, the procedural chronologically follows an event, usually a crime, through to its conclusion. In the case of Zero Dark Thirty, the original script was set to depict the unsuccessful decade-long efforts to hunt down Osama bin Laden. His actual capture and death in 2011 prompted Bigelow to change her film, ultimately into a much satisfying experience as far as I am concerned. Despite knowing what happens at the end, I was on the edge of my seat during the final sequences of the film.

Jessica Chastain, Oscar nominated for her performance here, plays Maya, a green CIA agent, fresh out of high school, whose sole mission over her brief career is to find “UBL”. Despite changing US Presidents, Governments and CIA bosses, each with different priorities and approaches to world politics, Maya clings to her scraps of evidence and information. Chastain appears in almost every scene in the film and delivers a powerful, magnetic performance that will win her the Best Actress Oscar.

Supporting her onscreen is an impressive quartet of US based Aussie actors. Callan Mulvey and brothers Joel and Nash Edgerton play three of the efficient Seal Team Six, who carry out the final mission in Pakistan. Jason Clarke (Lawless) is impressive as Dan, a CIA agent who will do anything to extract information from his captives.

Between Zero Dark Thirty and Lincoln, it seems that every respected US male actor had a gig last year. Mark Strong (Tinker Sailor Soldier Spy) and Kyle Chandler (Super 8) head up the mega male heavy cast. Only Torchwood’s John Barrowman puzzled in a cameo that probably would only be noticed by Doctor Who fans.

Much ado has been made in the media of the portrayal of torture in the film. I must profess to being slightly naive in regards to this prior to my Zero Dark Thirty experience, having no idea what waterboarding meant. All I can say that it’s uncomfortable to watch but depicted onscreen with no political agenda whatsoever.

Zero Dark Thirty is a tense, cold film that will grip you right to the very end. With many scenes taking place at night, it begs to be experienced at the cinema. See it now. It is the finest film of the year so far.

Published in: on February 18, 2013 at 10:51  Leave a Comment  
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Razzies Form Guide 2013

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 19th February 2013.

It’s the movie awards season again and my favourite ceremony will take place in Hollywood on February 23. Celebrating the worst in film, the Golden Raspberry Foundation (of which I am proud member and voter) will award the Razzies, gold spray painted plastic trophies worth $7.50 each, to cinematic clunkers and wooden performances that have horrified audiences over the past year. I’ve just submitted my voting form so here are my choices from the cream of the rancid crop.

My Worst Picture: Battleship I would only play a board game if there was nothing else to do. And that includes sleeping, pushing hot needles into my eyeballs and watching that Gangnam Style music video again. I feel very much the same way about movies that are based on video games and feature robots onscreen. By this I mean Brooklyn Decker and Taylor Kitsch attempting to “act” and Liam Neeson in permanent grizzled mode, not the Transformers-style robot baddies.

My Worst Actress: Kristen Stewart Ah, the many facial expressions of K Stew. There’s bored. And, well, that’s it. The fact that she was outacted by a bizarre CGI head stuck on a baby in the last instalment of the Twiglet saga and made Chris Hemsworth’s attempt at a Scottish accent seem competent in Snore White and the Huntsman, means that the gong should go to this dynamic, versatile actress.

My Worst Actor: Eddie Murphy Why does Eddie keep going back to the turgid family friendly well? Two words: contractual obligation. His latest disaster A Thousand Words mercifully bypassed Australian cinemas but can be found in a bargain bin near you. Murphy plays a slimy literary agent whose interactions with a spiritual guru result in the appearance of a magical tree. For each word he speaks, one leaf falls off the tree. When the final leaf falls, who cares? Cherish your family blah blah blah.

My Worst Supporting Actress: Brooklyn Decker   Former model Ms Decker followed up her nomination in the Worst Screen Couple category (alongside Adam Sandler) at last year’s Razzies for Just Go with It, with a dual nomination for her wooden efforts in Battleship and pregnancy comedy What to Expect When You’re Expecting. I couldn’t bring myself to see the latter movie. I suppose I knew what to expect: dross. I do, however, like What to Expect When You’re Expecting for its assistance with my word count.

My Worst Supporting Actor: Liam Neeson How do you follow up the laughable but action packed The Grey and the action packed but laughable Taken 2? Why not reprise your role as Zeus in the beardtastic Wrath of the Titans and play the humourless Admiral Shane in Battleship? I guess we all have to eat. Shakespearean actors Vanilla Ice and David Hasselhoff are also nominated in this category but nothing compares to a great thespian knowingly slumming it in terrible films.

And the rest…

My Worst Screen Couple: Robert Patterson and Kristen Stewart (Twiglet)

My Worst Director: Peter Berg (Battleship)

My Worst Screen Ensemble: The Entire Cast of Battleship

My Worst Screenplay: Battleship

There goes my sponsorship from Hasbro. The winning losers will be announced on Oscars eve.

Published in: on February 18, 2013 at 10:48  Leave a Comment  
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