A good cause but I Haiti the song

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 23rd February 2010.

The recent earthquake disaster in Haiti has prompted the stars of popular music to come together in both the UK and the US to record fundraising singles. Stateside, original USA for Africa producers Lionel Ritchie and Quincy Jones have teamed up with Haitian born musician Wyclef Jean to record We Are the World 25: For Haiti, whilst Simon Cowell, at the behest of British PM Gordon Brown, spearheaded the UK response, a cover of REM’s Everybody Hurts under the Helping Haiti banner.

A reworking of 1985’s We Are the World, over seventy of America’s most talented performers and Miley Cyrus contributed to Artists for Haiti. Renown vocalists such as Barbra Steisand, Celine Dion and Tony Bennett appear alongside rappers including Snoop Dogg, LL Cool J and Will.i.am. Michael Jackson’s vocals from the original recording also feature. Criticised for its use of Auto-Tune to augment Lil Wayne’s lines, much like the weird pitch change effect in Cher’s hit single Believe, We Are the World 25: For Haiti is a mess. Stylistically, the mix of classic vocal delivery and rapping clashes badly, and Jamie Foxx’s impersonation of Ray Charles to sing the late soul legend’s lines from the original is in dubious taste.

Helping Haiti consists of over twenty talented stars and Miley Cyrus (again). Mainly UK based singers with a sprinkling of international artists such as Jon Bon Jovi and Michael Bublé, this supergroup is much more pop based than its US cousin, featuring members of Take That and Westlife alongside Robbie Williams, Kylie Minogue, Mika and Susan Boyle. A traditional take on the original, Everybody Hurts is a more successful recording as it relies on the strength of the songwriting of REM’s 1993 hit. REM also graciously waived all royalties for this single. Let’s just now hope that no-one finds any flute riffs from “Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree” in it.

The ultimate novelty song, the charity single became popular following the release of Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas in 1984. Organised by the Boomtown Rat’s Bob Geldof and featuring an amazing array of stars such as Bono, Phil Collins, George Michael, Sting and Boy George, Do They Know It’s Christmas sold 3.5 million copies in the UK alone and was the highest selling UK single ever until Elton John’s Candle in the Wind 1997, also a charity single. Band Aid II and Band Aid 20 followed in 1989 and 2004 respectively, with new versions of the same song.

Other notable, and less serious, charity singles include Living Doll by Cliff Richard and the Young Ones, That’s What Friends Are For by Dionne Warwick, Stevie Wonder, Gladys Knight and Elton John, and Absolutely Fabulous by the Pet Shop Boys, Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French.

From a music buyer’s perspective, the problem with charity records is that they have little longevity. They are so entrenched in a particular time, place or issue that they are unlikely to be on anyone’s turntable, CD player or iPod beyond their initial release. On a positive note, they are a great snapshot of who was popular at that particular time. For every Bono on 1984’s Do They Know It’s Christmas, there is a Marilyn (a long forgotten one hit wonder Boy George clone).

Both of the singles benefitting Haiti are performing well on the charts, although it is yet to be seen if they match the sales of their 80’s predecessors. I’ve purchased and downloaded both to contribute to the cause, but have little interest in listening to either more than once.

Published in: on March 3, 2010 at 06:29  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , ,

Sweeping Ice in Parkas: The Winter Olympics

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 16th February 2010.

The Winter Olympics are upon us again and this year, I was determined to get into it, despite the fact that I have little knowledge or appreciation of the sports involved. Having grown up in Australia, the concept of hurling yourself down a snow covered hill with little or no means of braking seems a little alien. The tight jumpsuits, weird scoring systems and curling as a sport in general just don’t click with me. However, I was going to give it my best shot so I started with something I could relate to…the opening ceremony.

Due to the time differences between Australia and Canada, most Olympic events will occur in the very early hours of our mornings, but as the Opening Ceremony is an evening event, it aired live at the respectable time of 12:30pm on Saturday with a replay later that night.  Having attended the final dress rehearsal for the Sydney Olympics and watched many other summer opening ceremonies, I was prepared for a long but rewarding three hours plus of sickly sweet “world in harmony” goodness.

Although not quite surpassing the grandeur of the Beijing Games, the Canadians put on an amazing show. The use of high resolution projections onto the floor of the stadium provided a stunning backdrop for the performers. In particular, the projection of whales swimming across the stadium complete with physical jets of water was breathtaking.

The fact that the name of our country starts with an “A” certainly makes the lengthy entry of the athletes less painful. Once our athletes had been introduced, there was plenty of time to make a cup of tea, go to the toilet and knit a small jumper before the entertainment started. I really felt sorry for the poor ushers who lined the path for the athletes who had to dance “enthusiastically” for the whole entry and introduction process.

The fourth leg of the cauldron not rising out of the stadium floor was not the only clanger of the night. During the athlete tribute song, poor old Bryan Adams forgot to start lip synching at the right time and missed most of a solo line for a song that he composed himself. Perhaps he was distracted by the sight of a rather awkward looking duet partner Nelly Furtado, who was wearing a rather form fitting blue number and ten inch high heels that didn’t allow her to move around the stage well. Both seemed out of place surrounded by hundreds of representatives of Canada’s indigenous groups all dressed in their “traditional” UV costumes.

With Australian David Atkins (the man behind the musical Hot Shoe Shuffle and the 80’s scratch lottery commercials) producing the ceremony, some of the items seemed a little reminiscent of the Sydney Olympics opening. A young man flew around the stadium a la Nikki Webster. I’ll be looking forward to his debut single Strawberry Kisses coming out soon. A dance number complete with tap dancing punk violinists was memorable but also similar to the Tap Dogs inspired industrial dance from 2000.

k.d. lang closed the entertainment part of the ceremony with a hauntingly beautiful version of Leonard Cohan’s Hallelujah. This song is fast becoming one of the most covered and overexposed songs in history, although this version seemed to suit the occasion well, even though I have no idea what the song is actually about…something to do with Shrek I think.

With the opening ceremony done and dusted, I continued my mission to appreciate the Winter Olympics the next day by watching a whole afternoon of events. Unfortunately, I’m afraid to report that a DVD was on by dinner time. Sorry Canada, maybe in another four years?

Published in: on February 18, 2010 at 08:22  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , ,

Review: Spring Awakening

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 9th February 2010.

Spring Awakening is the latest Broadway musical to make its way to our shores. With its Australian premiere this week, this new production has controversial origins which stretch way back to the 1890’s. I was lucky enough to catch a preview performance this past weekend.

Spring Awakening was German Frank Wedekind’s first ever play. Its storyline focuses on German teenagers in the late 19th century exploring their newfound sexuality and adolescence. Completed in 1891but not performed until 1906 in Berlin, his production attracted much criticism and was eventually banned from performance and publication for about 21 years due to its portrayal of abortion, suicide, sex and masturbation.

In 2001, the play was adapted into a musical by wordsmith Steven Sater and 90’s popster Duncan Sheik. Following numerous rewrites and workshops, the show finally premiered in 2006 on Broadway. Starring Glee actress Lea Michele, who originated the lead female role of Wendla from the very first workshops at the age of 14, the musical went on to run for 888 performances and won 8 Tony awards including best musical, book, director and score.

Sydney Theatre Company’s production is the first English language version to not be a replica of the original. Featuring a cast of 15 young performers aged between 17 and 24, all attended open auditions and beat out 1200 other hopefuls for their roles. The experience of the young cast ranges from seasoned actors to those still in training (two of the cast have been temporarily released from their studies at The Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts) to those making their stage debuts (one performer auditioned in her school uniform).

Very much an ensemble piece, Spring Awakening’s Australian cast are all exceptionally strong singers and actors individually, but as a collective they bring a youthful energy and zest to the stage that sweeps all of the audience along in its wake. In particular, the show’s finale, The Song of Purple Summer, raises the hairs on the back of your neck with the whole cast in powerful vocal form.

The set is quite remarkable. A simple two story wooden structure is the centrepiece of the stage. Pivoting from mid-stage, the versatile bridge-like set is swept around by the cast to represent everything from a wharf to a cemetery. Ladders allow the cast to move around the set. The stage is walled in with black material, with doorways in the side and back walls as entrances. The front third of the stage is at a steep incline meaning that the cast are often dancing precariously at an angle which looks like it may send them into the audience at any time.

The lighting effects are almost deserving of a starring credit of their own. Hundreds of incandescent light globes hang individually from the roof, giving the show at times an otherworldly nocturnal atmosphere. The cast often utilise handheld spotlights to illuminate their faces during some of the more dramatic moments.

Director Geordie Brookman has crafted a standout piece of musical theatre. Eliciting powerful performances from actors just starting out in their careers, I felt privileged to witness the stars of tomorrow in such a grounded but vibrant new production. My only gripe is the choice to use Australian accents. Amongst German names and a decidedly European atmosphere, the twang of the performer’s accents grated with me.

The thematic focus of Spring Awakening means that the swearing and brief nudity may turn off some. It is certainly not for pre-teens, or those who like their musicals to be all singing and dancing colour explosions.

As the hit musical Rent became the voice of youth in the 90’s extolling the virtues of living your life in the present, I predict Spring Awakening will also resonate with young audiences. However, unlike Rent, which has aged somewhat as attitudes towards AIDS change, the turmoil of adolescent sexuality is a universal and eternal theme which has ensured that Spring Awakening has remained relevant since 1891.

Spring Awakening opens tonight at the Sydney Theatre, runs until 7th March and is highly recommended.

www.springawakeningaustralia.com.au

Published in: on February 9, 2010 at 06:57  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , ,

A column by Alan Smithee

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 2nd February 2010.

Have you ever been unhappy with something you’ve been responsible to make, create or do? Was that assignment not up to your usual standards? Was that cake you baked not quite right? Why not follow Hollywood’s example and blame someone else, namely Alan Smithee.

Since 1968, Alan Smithee has been the pseudonym used by Hollywood directors who wish to disown a project. Of course, it is not as simple as divorcing yourself from a half-baked film (Year One or The Ugly Truth anyone?). The director must prove to the Directors Guild of America (DGA) that he or she had diminished creative control, and once granted the Alan Smithee credit by the Guild Panel, must not acknowledge their participation in the project or talk about their experiences

Alan Smithee debuted as a director in 1969 with Death of a Gunfighter. The film’s star, Richard Widmark, had artistic differences with original director, television journeyman Robert Totten. Veteran director Don Siegel was brought in to finish the project but when it came to its release, he declined to take credit, saying Totten had completed more than half the movie. Academy Award winner Widmark refused to allow the man he fired to be credited and thus Alan Smithee began his career.

The Internet Movie Database (IMDb) credits Alan Smithee as the director of over 70 productions, including many episodes of television shows. The majority of his motion picture credits are for little seen movies which may have had a direct to video or DVD release but have now been forgotten or lost forever in bargain bin heaven.

Amongst the usual suspects are a few Smithee films worth mentioning. 1994’s The Birds II: Lands End stars Tippi Hedren reprising her role from the original Hitchcock classic. Bound by an awful storyline (the birds attack again, wow), this was really directed by Rick Rosenthal who went on to helm horror disappointment Halloween: Resurrection in 2002. 

The Shrimp on the Barbie was an Australian production from 1990. Starring Cheech Marin of Cheech & Chong fame, this is a fish out of water “comedy” about a jobless Mexican-American waiter who decides to seek employment in Australia. The real culprit behind this disaster was Michael Gottlieb, who had previously directed the 1987 classic Mannequin, and went on to be responsible for Mr Nanny, which starred wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan and was nominated for zero Academy Awards.

You’ll be surprised to learn that Alan Smithee has also directed several episodes of McGyver, The Cosby Show and The Twilight Zone. He also directed Whitney Houston’s music video for I Will Always Love You. He may have also sung it.

In 2000, the pseudonym was officially retired by the DGA after a movie entitled An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn was released.  Written by Joe Eszterhas of Showgirls infamy (there is a whole new column there), the film is about a director who loses control of his action flick to Hollywood producers but cruelly cannot use a pseudonym because his actual name is Alan Smithee. In an ironic twist, the real movie’s director, Arthur Hiller, ended up disowning the film and thus the production truly became an Alan Smithee film.

Following this debacle and the media attention drawn to it, Alan Smithee’s career as a director was brought to an end.

So if you’ve lost “creative control” of a project, let Alan Smithee take the fall. If you didn’t enjoy this column, Alan Smithee penned it. Alan also parked my car badly this morning. I’m also pretty sure that Alan Smithee will be cooking dinner tonight.

Published in: on February 3, 2010 at 06:39  Comments (1)  
Tags: , , , , ,

iColumn 2.0 – 2009: The Year In Review

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 24th November 2009.

As this year draws to a close, a quick look at the events of the past 11 months suggests that 2009 will go down in the history books as an eventful one. The Black Saturday bushfires, Michael Jackson’s death, swine flu, Britney’s mime act, the rise of Masterchef , Guy Sabastian releasing the most irritating song ever and the crowning of the new Australian Idol (I’ve already forgotten his name) will all become a part of our collective memories and culture. 2009 has also seen several cases of fraudulent marketing where unscrupulous hucksters have done almost anything to get publicity, even if they don’t necessarily have a product or anything at all to market. Let’s relive some of these moments together and then perhaps banish them to the Recycling Bins of our minds. Only last week, two men who pretend to have fights in their underwear for a living, held a press conference where they proceeded to, wait for it, pretend to have a fight, and managed to get themselves covered by the mainstream Australian media. 80’s wrestling legend Hulk Hogan and 16 time World Heavyweight Champion Ric Flair staged a bloody tussle to promote their upcoming pro-wrestling tour. Pictures and footage of a bleeding Hulkster were featured on the home pages of several major news websites and also made local television news. The story was then picked up internationally, however, the main focus of these stories was the Aussie media reporting on the fight as legitimate. The publicity stunt worked and initial poor sales for the Hulkamania Tour’s first show in Melbourne soared following the press coverage. At least they had a product to promote, unlike my next subject, Falcon Heene, better known as the Balloon Boy. In October, Falcon’s parents, who allegedly met at acting school, reported that he had accidentally floated away in a homemade helium balloon shaped as a flying saucer, resulting in approximately US$2 million being spent on rescue services. The balloon eventually landed without an occupant, sparking fears Falcon had fallen to his death. Of course, the whole time, Balloon Boy was hiding at home the whole time. Falcon’s parents have since confessed to the hoax, admitting it was a publicity stunt. It has yet to be determined what exactly the Balloon Boy incident was meant to be promoting. There was no product to sell, with the exception of a crazy family, but we’ve all got one of those. Hmm, seeking publicity for the sake of publicity… That reminds me of our final attention seeker, a home grown bogan better known as the “Chk Chk Boom Girl”. Clare Werberloff gained worldwide internet and media stardom for a few days when she gave an interview for a Nine Network film crew in Kings Cross. Giving completely false descriptions of a “fat wog” shooting a “skinny wog”, Werberloff had to get herself a publicist to deal with the international and local media requests for interviews. She later admitted that it was all in fun and would be a good story for the grandkids. I can just picture it. “When I was your age I made up a slightly racist story for the television and I was famous on Facebook for 5 minutes. Why don’t you kids play hide and seek in the attic while I launch my giant helium balloon?”

Published in: on January 28, 2010 at 13:53  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , ,

Proud Aussies or Racists?

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 26th February 2010.

Since the shameful Cronulla Riots of December 2005, one of Australia’s most significant icons appears to be in danger of being hijacked as a symbol for White Australia amongst extremist groups. The Southern Cross seems to be more popular than ever. Bumper stickers, car window decals, tattoos… Is this simply an expression of patriotism and “Aussie Pride” or overt racism?

In our night sky, the Southern Cross, also known as Crux, is one of the most recognisable constellations, even though it is one of the smallest and simplest. It is an important symbol in many cultures of the Southern Hemisphere and features prominently on the flags of many countries, including New Zealand, Brazil, Papua New Guinea, Samoa and of course, Australia.

The Southern Cross has an important place in Aboriginal astronomy, also known as starlore. It represents the talon of a giant eagle to the Aranda people of Central Australia. To others, it is a stingray, with the nearby pointer stars representing two sharks pursuing.

The Eureka Stockade of 1854 saw the Southern Cross emerge as an important symbol in modern Australian history. One of Australian history’s few armed rebellions, miners clashed with Colonial forces over the brutal administration of the Victorian Goldfields. The insurgents were led by Peter Lalor, an Irish immigrant, who proclaimed in his famous Eureka Oath, “We swear by the Southern Cross to stand truly by each other and fight to defend our rights and liberties.” The Eureka flag, flown by the rebels, is commonly thought to display a stylised depiction of the Southern Cross, although there is now some argument that it actually represents an Irish Cross.

The Southern Cross also features within the lyrics of our national anthem, albeit the rarely sung second verse, which was made official in 1984. It is also mentioned in the Brazilian national anthem which was penned in 1909.

Orange born Banjo Patterson also mentions the Southern Cross is his poem, A Flag for Australia. He wrote, “…the flag the Australian dies to save, is the flag of the Southern Cross.”

Nowadays, the Southern Cross is a popular business name. In the Yellow Pages, there are 1023 entries across Australia for businesses with said name. It can be found on the labels of a major brand of soft drink. It is also featured in the logo for Scouts Australia.

Born and bred in Australia, I have always held the Southern Cross in high esteem. It represents the country I am proud to call home. Growing up in Australia has fortified my strong beliefs in democracy, freedom and peace. We are, however, certainly not a country without problems. Immigration and the environment are only just a few of the challenges that we face now and in the future.

I’m not at all suggesting that everyone sporting a Southern Cross car sticker or tatt is racist. Far from it. In fact, if every one of those symbols represents a sense of “belonging” to a smart, accepting and worldly community which welcomes the best aspects of other cultures and races, then I’m all for it.

The Southern Cross belongs to all Australians, no matter where they were born. From those with first fleet ancestors to newcomers to our shores, we all have immigrant roots of some kind. This Australia Day, let’s celebrate our country and not allow one of our national symbols be misrepresented.

Published in: on January 27, 2010 at 11:10  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , ,

And the winner is…Lindsay Lohan

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 19th January 2010.

In the world of cinema, the beginning of the year also marks the start of the awards season. By the time you read this, the Golden Globes, presented by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA), will have been announced. Hosted this year by British funnyman Ricky Gervais, the Globes are widely considered a strong indicator for the results of the Oscars, which will follow on the 7th of March.

What most movie fans don’t realise is that the HFPA is a particularly small organisation, comprising of approximately 95 members. Journalists from publications outside of the USA who cover the motion picture industry are eligible to join, however, generally only one new member a year is admitted, as a strange rule allows any existing member the right to veto the application of a potential new member.

The Oscars, presented by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS), represent a body of over 6000 members. Membership is by invitation only, with eligibility earned via a nomination in the Oscars or submission by an existing member. All AMPAS members have made a significant contribution to the filmmaking industry and are largely from the USA but can be from anywhere in the world. This year’s Oscars ceremony, the 82nd, will be co-hosted by Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. They replace Hugh Jackman, who received generally poor reviews for his camp song and dance man act.

Whilst the average movie fan has little opportunity to influence the major film awards, there is one ceremony in Hollywood that is open to voters throughout the world. The Razzies, held at the Barnsdall Gallery Theatre in Hollywood on the night before the Oscars, recognise the worst in filmmaking each year.

The Razzies and the Golden Raspberry Foundation were established by US copyrighter and publicist, John Wilson, in 1981. The first ever Golden Raspberry awards were held in Wilson’s living room alcove with 36 people voting the Village People disaster Can’t Stop The Music the worst picture of the year. The event was picked up by the press and the Razzies soon grew to become the major annual alternative awards ceremony.

In 2005, Halle Berry famously appeared in person to accept her worst actress award for Catwoman. Holding her 2001 Oscar for best actress in Monster’s Ball in one hand and her Razzie in the other, Berry proved herself a good sport with a hilarious self-deprecating speech that mimicked her emotion laden Oscars acceptance a few years earlier. A box office and critical bomb, Catwoman would also go on to win worst picture, worst screenplay and worst director.

The Golden Raspberry Award itself, costs US$4.79 each to make, and consists of a golf ball sized raspberry atop a Super 8 film reel, spray painted gold.

Last year’s Razzies were dominated by Eddie Murphy and Lindsay Lohan. The latter’s dual performance in I Know Who Killed Me won worst actress and worst screen couple, with the film also winning worst director, worst screenplay, worst remake or rip-off and worst film. Eddie Murphy’s multiple roles in Norbit earned him worst actor, worst supporting actor and worst supporting actress.

Submissions for the official Razzie nomination ballot in all categories are due very soon, with the finalists to be announced on the 1st of February. Membership is open to all, costs US$25 and is available on the Razzies website.

As a member of the Golden Raspberry Foundation, my nominations are already in and I predict that the 2009 (dis)honours are likely to be bestowed upon Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

Published in: on January 20, 2010 at 13:03  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , ,

The Difficult Second Album

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 12th January 2010.

There’s a saying in the music industry that you have your whole life to write your debut album, and about 6 months to write your second. This explains the phenomenon known as the difficult second album. Many artists have gone supernova with their debut offering, selling millions of units, only to have their next album land in the bargain bin within months of release. Let’s get the scalpel out and perform autopsies on some not-so-hot sophomoric records.

After appearing as a child actor on Canadian TV’s You Can’t Do That On Television, Alanis Morissette released two pop albums in her home country to little fanfare. However, in 1995, a now adult Alanis unleashed her new hard edged rock sound in the form of Jagged Little Pill and the rest is history. Co-written with Grammy Award winning songwriter Glen Ballard (he co-wrote Michael Jackson’s Man In The Mirror), Morisette’s international debut sold 30 million copies worldwide. Featuring such hits as You Outta Know, Head Over Feet, You Learn and Ironic (correct title: Coincidence), this album of angry female independence is now considered a 90’s classic.

Her follow-up, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, was released in 1998 to critical acclaim but sales were disappointing with sales stalling at 3 million copies. Of course, that’s 3 million more records than I have sold, but in the music business, that’s a sure sign that your audience has started to lose interest. I would suggest that the blending of Alanis’ interest in Indian spiritualism into the lyrical content, along with a wordy and weird album title, confused all but her die-hard fans.

Alanis has continued to release albums to ever declining sales and in 2005, attempted to recreate the magic (and sales) of Jagged Little Pill by recording an acoustic version of, you guessed it, Jagged Little Pill.

Terrence Trent D’Arby hit the charts in 1987 with his debut album Introducing The Hardline According To. Born in New York, D’Arby enlisted in the US Army and was posted to Frankfurt, Germany before being discharged 1983 for going AWOL. His soulful voice and good looks helped his first album sell over 12 million copies on the back of hit singles such as Sign Your Name, Wishing Well and Dance Little Sister.

In 1989, D’Arby’s second album, Neither Fish Nor Flesh: A Soundtrack of Love, Faith, Hope & Destruction was met with scathing reviews and struggled to sell 3 million copies worldwide. A pretentious album, with an even more pretentious title (is there a pattern here?), this is a very difficult listen. The indulgence permeates every oddly named song. TTD was last seen on our shores in 1999 at the opening of the Sydney Olympic Stadium as guest replacement for Michael Hutchence in INXS. Coincidentally, this was the beginning of INXS sadly becoming their own tribute band, but that’s for another column.

Hootie & the Blowfish released their debut offering, Cracked Rear View, in 1994. A year later, it was 1995’s biggest selling album, shifting 16 million copies. Featuring adult orientated FM friendly singles such as Only Wanna Be With You and Let Her Cry, this is another classic 90’s album with strong, emotive lyrics and catchy melodies that insist that you sing along.

Unfortunately, Fairweather Johnson, their 1996 follow-up, is pretty much the same album, showing little development in this promising rock outfit. Lacking a hit single or two with an irresistible melodic hook, it sold a disappointing 3 million copies worldwide. For the record, confusingly, none of the band members were named Hootie.

Whilst my debut album is unlikely to ever be released, let alone recorded, if it ever eventuates I plan to avoid the difficult second album syndrome by naming it “Greatest Hits”.

Published in: on January 17, 2010 at 12:43  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , ,

Getting lost the high-tech way

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 15th September 2009.

I’ve always prided myself on having a reasonable sense of direction, and combined with an ability to read a map (thanks to my Scouting years), I had not been able to justify the purchase of a GPS navigator…until recently.

Initially very expensive and occasionally inaccurate, navigators are now becoming much more affordable, and the loan of one to guide my way from Orange to Canberra airport and back finally convinced me to bite the bullet and buy the Tom Tom Go730.

Tom Tom NV are a Dutch company who specialise in car navigation systems. With headquarters in Amsterdam, they are the leading maker of navigation systems in Europe, and are a popular brand here in Australia.

The Go730 features a large 4.3 inch touchscreen. The menu and control system is very easy to use. My only gripe is that it is takes quite a few presses to get to the route cancel control, so that the navigator pinpoints your location on the map but does not try to direct you anywhere. This is handy when you are driving short distances and don’t require direction.

Adding a destination is simply a matter of typing in a postcode, town, or specific address. The Go730 also features a speech recognition facility which allows you to speak the address. So far, it has not had any problems with my Australian accent.

 IQ Routes is a feature that allows the Go730 to give you an estimate on the travelling time to your destination. Based on information collected by Tom Tom devices around Australia and automatically uploaded whenever they are connected to a PC with web access, this is a handy feature for those times when someone wants to know how long you’ll be before you get there.

Tom Tom also allows Australian users to make corrections to maps which are then shared via regular updates from the official Tom Tom website or automatically when you place the device on the handy USB recharging dock.

The Go730 has a built-in FM transmitter that allows the spoken directions to be played via the car radio. It will also play mp3 music or audio files and the smallish 600MB internal memory can be expanded with the insertion of a 2GB SD card.

One of my pet hates is missing mobile phone calls whilst I am driving. The Go730 also doubles as a handfree unit to allow you to legally take those important calls on the road. It will also display your text messages and you can reply to them via the touchsceen, although I cannot imagine it being very safe to do so when driving.

My favourite feature of the Go730 is the numerous voices available to download via the Tom Tom website. Fancy having your directions read by Burt Reynolds, John Cleese, Mr T, Dennis Hopper or Kim Cattrall? These voices are all available to purchase. Many others accents, dialects and non-celebrity are available to download for free. Currently, Homer Simpson voices my navigator. A source of great amusement currently, this may become irritating on a lengthy trip.

A recent study has shown that navigation devices can distract a driver and reduce the quality of their driving, however, they are still much safer than a lost motorist. As street directory sales slump and GPS devices become much more commonplace, a personal navigator is an ideal way to avoid that horrible feeling of being lost.

Published in: on January 9, 2010 at 23:33  Leave a Comment  
Tags:

The future is now

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 5th January 2010.

The future has always fascinated cinema audiences. From the humble beginnings of the motion picture, fantastic depictions of life in the future have captivated moviegoers. Early sci-fi classics such as Le Voyage Dans La Lune (Voyage to the Moon) from 1902 and Metropolis from 1927 predicted, with a reasonable degree of accuracy, space travel, robots and skyscrapers.

Of course, the medium of film has been around long enough that many “future” movies are actually set in what is now our past. Let’s run through some films where the future is yesterday.

My first candidate is a bit of a cheat but the film, Nineteen Eighty-Four, which was also made in 1984, was based on George Orwell’s 1949 novel. The book’s bleak depiction of a totalitarian society controlled by Big Brother hasn’t come to pass but some would argue that the development of technologies such as closed circuit television have increased the ability of governments to monitor their people. I don’t mean to sound like a conspiracy theorist but I’ve seen it on TV’s 24 so it must be true.

John Carpenter’s Escape From New York (1981) was set in 1998 and depicts New York City as a maximum security prison. Anyone who has visited the USA lately will note that it is actually harder to get into the country than leave, but for those who don’t like theatre, hot pretzels or Seinfeld, I suppose it can be considered a lockup.

1973’s Battle for the Planet of the Apes is set in 2001. This was the fifth and final of the sensational apes series and starred Roddy McDowell once again in a rubbery mask. I’m pretty sure that we haven’t yet been conquered by hairy creatures unless you count Movember.

Death Race 2000 is a Roger Corman cult classic from 1975. Starring Sylvester Stallone, it features a future where the American national pastime is watching the deadly Transcontinental Road Race. Criticised by critics for its gratuitous nudity and violence, the film accurately predicted the popularity of Wipeout and Japanese game shows.

The original X-men film from 2000 is actually set in this current year. Professor Charles Xavier leads his band of heroic mutants against Magneto’s evil crew in this Hollywood blockbuster. A quick look in the papers proves that mutants live amongst us today: Kevin Rudd with his inexplicable, unwavering popularity; Jennifer Hawkins with her freakish ability to convince people to buy Myer shares; and Britney with her special power to make sound without moving her lips.

2001: A Space Odyssey from 1968 was released simultaneously as a film directed by Stanley Kubrick and a novel by Arthur C. Clarke. Accurately depicting spacecraft moving through space silently, the movie also correctly predicted voice-print identification, flat screen monitors, chess playing computers and airline on-board entertainment units. Aspects of the film that did not eventuate by 2001 (or today) include suspended animation, space hotels, moon bases and artificial intelligence of computers, although I’m pretty sure HAL lives on in my troublesome iPhone. A similar vision of the “future” also appears in the 1984 sequel, 2010.

The film industry has been pretty hit or miss with its depiction of the future. However, some years to keep in mind, just in case they get it right, are 2012 (the tectonic plates will shift and life as we know it will end, unless you’re John Cusack) and 2015 (as depicted in Back To The Future II, we’ll all have flying cars and hover boards).

Published in: on January 5, 2010 at 12:32  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »