Halloween Film Franchises

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 30th October 2012.

As All Hallows’ Eve approaches, it’s time to don your spookiest costume, carve a pumpkin and visit strangers’ houses demanding food, because I’m about to perform a scary autopsy on Halloween film franchises.

Last week I reviewed the original Halloween film series which introduced serial slasher and horror film icon Michael Myers to the world. Beginning with the original John Carpenter classic in 1978 and concluding with a whimper in 2002, a total of eight films were unleashed upon cinema audiences at around the same time of the year, Halloween.

Several years later, the torch was passed to a ventriloquist’s dummy named Billy with a penchant for riding tricycles. In 2003, Australian filmmakers James Wan and Leigh Wannell managed to convince American backers to fund a low budget horror film to be shot in just 18 days. On October 29 the following year, the movie grossed over $100 million at the box office from a budget of $1 million. Welcome to the Saw franchise.

The Saw films centre around John Cramer, a genius engineer who is dying from cancer. After an attempt at suicide fails, he reassesses his existence and finds a new purpose, testing others to value their own lives with deadly physical challenges. Cramer then takes on a new moniker, Jigsaw.

Just like the Halloween series, the original film is the best, with a killer (pun intended) twist at the end. The subsequent six sequels, including a final instalment in 3D and all released on the Friday before Halloween, vary in quality. What remains consistent throughout the series is the cleverness of the deadly challenges placed on unsuspecting (and not so innocent) victims which usually result in painful and bloody deaths. Most of the challenges involve lethal mechanical devices which are a testament to Jigsaw’s maniacal but brilliant mind. They also suggest he had a lot of time on his hands.

Also impressive is the layering of the storylines. With Jigsaw killed off in Saw III, the filmmakers had to come up with a smart way to keep his legacy alive. There are various apprentices, as well as a brilliant conceit which sees two of the sequels taking place simultaneously. This is not revealed until the end of Saw IV (oops, spoiler alert).

By the time Saw 3D was released in 2010, audience enthusiasm for the franchise had waned and producers announced that there would be no further entries (for now). Of course that paved the way for a new Halloween film franchise. Enter Paranormal Activity.

If you’ve ever harboured an ambition to be a security guard in a big building, then this is the series for you. Mostly consisting of security camera footage, the movies focus on the premise that setting up cameras when you suspect your house is inhabited by demons is a good idea, not getting the hell out.

Paranormal Activity 4 is currently in cinemas now, with a fifth instalment due next Halloween. I’m not a huge fan. I like my horror franchises to have an element of logic. I can accept Michael Myers surviving every attempt to send him back to Hell, and a genius Jigsaw who had the foresight to plan and build extra deadly challenges just in case he was killed, but investigating a haunting in your own house by installing video cameras and then editing the footage into a movie after you have been slain by your homely demon? Don’t be ridiculous.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 09:04  Leave a Comment  
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Famous Movie Horses: Melbourne Cup Day 2012

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 6th November 2012.

Another year, another Melbourne Cup Day… How times flies. I swear that it was only twelve months ago since the last one. For a solitary day each year, the nation suddenly believes that it knows something about horse racing and then proceeds to lose its pocket money, or more. In just 3200 metres, one horse will triumph and by mid-afternoon will be heralded by an entire country. The next day, its name will be a fairly tricky trivia question.

In honour of Melbourne Cup Day and the fact that this will be my last column, here are my three most memorable movie horses. Oh, you didn’t know? I’m apparently going to win Oz Lotto tonight. When I bought my ticket, the newsagent assured me that it was the winning one. I don’t see any reason why he would lie to me. If by some mistake, I do not win the jackpot, I guess I’ll see you here next week.

3. OK, this one is a bit of cheat. It’s a tie between two horses in the same movie, Mel Brooks’ comedy classic, Blazing Saddles. The first is the unfortunate nag knocked out cold by a single punch from the dim witted Mongo, played by Alex Karras. It was only on Karras’ death this year that I discovered that he also played the dad in the eighties TV sitcom Webster. The second is the horse in the hilarious hanging scene. A criminal is at the gallows, astride his steed, waiting to be hanged. Both have nooses around their necks.

2. I’m not a huge fan of movies that set out to tug the heartstrings. You know, films that should be issued with a box of tissues, such as Beaches, Ghost, The Notebook and Porky’s. Steven Spielberg is a master of this sort of cinematic emotional manipulation, which is why I went to the movies to see War Horse with some trepidation. There’s nothing I hate more than a dusty cinema. I’m pleased to announce that I survived the experience (just) and that Joey the horse easily outacted the two legged thespians. Joey was actually portrayed by fourteen different animal performers because it’s a well known fact that horses have difficulty remembering their lines.

1. Here’s a trivia question for you. Which year did Khartoum win the Melbourne Cup? The answer is that he didn’t, mainly because he is fictional and secondly, it is rather hard to race without a head. That’s right, Khartoum in the champion racehorse decapitated and placed in movie producer, Jack Woltz’s bed to convince him to cast Johnny Fontane in a lead role. This and even more mob shenanigans take place in the film classic The Godfather, directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Apparently the horse’s head was real and acquired for the shoot from a pet food company.

Also-rans in this race include Maximus from Tangled, Daredevil from Sleepy Hollow and Farfelkugel from Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Best of luck to everyone for the “race that stops a nation” and the “lottery that reaches amazing jackpots because it is near impossible to win”.

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 08:59  Leave a Comment  
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The Empire Strikes Back: Disney Purchases Star Wars

Disney Star Wars 2

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 13th November 2012.

On October 30, the Walt Disney Company announced that they would be acquiring Lucasfilm, home of the Star Wars franchise. George Lucas, creator of beloved characters such as Yoda, Darth Vader, C3PO and R2D2, as well as Jar Jar Binks, was apparently contemplating retirement and had four billion reasons to sell his company. The first reason was a dollar. The second reason was a dollar. And so on.

Come to think of it, when you want to retire in the Star Wars universe, don’t you just disappear into thin air like Yoda and Obi Wan? I guess it’s a bit hard to spend your retirement nest egg when you’re a smiling glowing ghost.

Almost immediately after the announcement, the internet went into hyperdrive with opinions, jokes and amusing pictures from fans worldwide. As I didn’t have the photoshop skills to add Mickey Mouse ears to a picture of Darth Vader (plus half of the planet had already done it) here’s my hilarious contribution to the twitterverse:

Peter Young @chipsareready

What would Disney possibly want with the Star Wars franchise? They already have the successful Black Hole property… #DisneyStarWars

For those of you who don’t speak Geek, I’m referring to Disney’s woeful 1979 Star Wars ripoff, The Black Hole, starring Anthony Perkins (Psycho) and Ernest Borgnine (McHale’s Navy), and featuring the rather craptastic robot duo of V.I.N.C.E.N.T. and Old B.O.B., as well as the Vader-ish Maximilian.

In my head, Disney and Star Wars have been closely linked for years. Way back in the early 90’s, I lined up for hours to ride the Star Tours attraction at Disneyland. One of the first motion simulator rides, Star Tours offered space tourists a trip to the forest moon of Endor which inevitably goes awry when Imperial Star Destroyers attack. The ride has since been closed and replaced last year with a new attraction, Star Tours: The Adventures Continue, which incorporates high definition 3D graphics. Like all great intergalactic adventures, both the original and new Star Tours attractions end in the gift shop.

I don’t think Star Wars devotees have anything to worry about from the takeover by the (Disney) Empire. The Muppets have enjoyed a cinematic revival that satisfied long time fans under the House of Mouse. You also may have seen a small, low budget superhero flick called The Avengers earlier this year. And the name of the production company was…Marvel Studios, a subsidiary of the Walt Disney Company.

A new Star Wars movie, Episode VII, will be released in 2015. Screenwriter Michael Arndt (Little Miss Sunshine, Toy Story 3) has been attached to the project with the director yet to be named. The rumour mill suggests that the storyline may involve characters from the original trilogy.

As a big Star Wars fan, I have no concerns with Disney producing further Star Wars instalments. It’s not as if Lucas was particularly successful with his woeful prequel trilogy. It would be hard for Disney to do any worse. As the Star Wars franchise passes from the control of one Empire to another, rest assured that one universal constant will remain. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together… It’s the pursuit of profit.

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 08:54  Leave a Comment  
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Never Tear Us Apart: An obituary to INXS

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 20th November 2012.

Aussie music fans were not at all stunned last week with the not particularly shocking announcement that INXS were calling it quits after 35 years as a touring act. On the final night of a tour supporting Matchbox Twenty in Perth, drummer Jon Farriss informed the Perth crowd that they were witnessing the last live performance of the band that at one time were Australia’s biggest musical exports.

My earliest memory of INXS involves dancing along to Original Sin during a sleepover at a mate’s house. The year was 1984. The album was Throbbin ’84 (on cassette). At the time, neither of us even knew how to pronounce INXS. As far as we were concerned they were “ink-sus” (rhyming with sphinxes).

A few years later, MTV arrived on our shores, though not as we know it today. Pay TV was still a few years away. MTV first aired in Australia as a three hour late Friday and Saturday night music show on the Nine Network, hosted by Richard Wilkins, complete with mullet. Each year, as a special, the MTV Music Awards was also broadcast. I still have the 1986 awards on videocassette somewhere which features an in form INXS performing What You Need.

In 1987, INXS released Kick and the rest is history. Selling over ten million copies worldwide, Kick is a perfect forty minutes of pop. Featuring the singles Need You Tonight, Devil Inside and Never Tear Us Apart, the album launched the band into the stratosphere and for a few short years INXS was arguably the biggest band in the world. I really must put the special edition Kick 25 reissue on my Christmas wish list. I love that album.

Flashforward to the mid-nineties and INXS had begun to lose their shine. Creatively the band had not been able to match Kick and sales had slumped. It was during preparations for their “comeback” tour in 1997 that Michael Hutchence committed suicide in a Sydney hotel room. I had front row centre tickets for the first of these comeback gigs at the State Theatre. What a bummer.

Rather than retire the INXS name, the remaining members continued to tour with a succession of singers, making them one of those rare creatures in the music industry: a band that transformed into their own cover act.

I finally caught INXS (with ex-Noiseworks singer Jon Stevens) live in Cardiff on a double bill with Blondie. It simply wasn’t the same. Michael Hutchence had a unique stage presence and charisma that was irreplaceable.

A little later, a new singer, Canadian J.D. Fortune was promoted to vocal duties via a TV talent search. Although his Michael Hutchence impersonation wasn’t bad, J.D. only lasted one album before being dropped for Irishman Ciaran Gribbin.

As far as I’m concerned, INXS ceased to exist in 1997 with the death of Hutchence. It has taken 15 years for the other band members to understand this but I think deep down most fans would agree with me. Just like The Doors without Jim Morrison or Queen without Freddie Mercury, INXS were simply not the same without their charismatic frontman.

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 08:50  Leave a Comment  
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Crazy Americans – A review of the A&E Channel Australia

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 27th November 2012.

A new channel recently popped up on my pay TV. Called A&E Australia, it appears to run nothing but weird American reality programs aimed at men, starring weird Americans. I did a little research and apparently this is a spinoff from America’s A&E Channel, which began in the eighties as the Arts and Entertainment Network. I find this interesting because there is certainly nothing airing at the moment which would fall under the category of the arts, and the entertainment jury is still out.

To be fair, I made a point of sampling A&E and it was strangely hypnotic. The programming is incredibly consistent. The protagonists of every show are male. The women that appear in said shows are generally portrayed as nags. Every commercial break is initiated by an overdramatic cliffhanger that is usually revealed as a complete non-event after the ads. However, one show seamlessly blends into another and before you know it, a two hour reviewing session leads to a week on the sofa.

Here are my recommendations for a great brain-free evening in front of the A&E Channel (being awake is optional).

My pick of the bunch needs to be Ghost Adventures, which bizarrely aired previously on W, a now defunct channel aimed at women. Three idiots travel around the world with the sole purpose of being locked overnight in some of the most haunted locations. Once inside, they turn off the lights and proceed to investigate using an array of the most unscientific “scientific” equipment ever.

I have no idea why they insist on turning the lights off wherever they go. None of the eyewitnesses report the ghostly happenings occurring in pitch black. And if ghosts indeed exist, do you think they would care if the lights are off? I suppose it just makes for better television to see the investigators fumble around in the dark. Each episode uncovers spooky dismembered voices making contact with non-specific messages such as, “Help me” and “Pass the peanut butter”.

Ice Road Truckers follows the trials and tribulations of the crazy drivers who deliver supplies to remote parts of Alaska or Hoth or somewhere icy by taking their loads across frozen lakes. Just as every movie featuring a frozen lake requires someone to fall through the ice, the truckers regularly find themselves in trouble when and where the ice gets a little thin. Alone in the snowy wilderness with half a truck under the ice? What should you do? Maybe ask for help from the twenty man television crew following you around.

Mountain Men focuses on men who choose to live in isolation out in the backwoods in Alaska or Hoth or somewhere. Perhaps if they ordered less stuff from ebay they wouldn’t put the Ice Road Truckers’ lives at risk to deliver it to them. Anyway, the men live off the land by eating squirrels and pinecones. Living so far away from the modern world brings a unique series of obstacles and challenges: bears, wolves, wampas and twenty man television crews following you around.

My final recommendation comes in the form of Barter Kings.  In this gem, two entrepreneurs trade objects for a living. With no cash changing hands, they usually start with a small object such as a TV and trade their way up to a much more valuable item. Supposedly these guys are professional cashless traders, which begs the questions, exactly how do they get their groceries, and how is it possible that they appear to be so filthy rich? Surely you can’t trade your way to a mansion for your wife and three kids complete with speedboat and pool without spending a cent? I’ve done my research and it is possible. He used to have four kids.

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 08:45  Leave a Comment  
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Review: Audible.com

The-Good-The-Bad-and-The-Multiplex-by-Mark-Kermode APTOPIX Germany Book Fair bossypants

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 4th December 2012.

I love books. I really enjoy being told a story, true life or otherwise, over an extended period of time. And that’s my problem. I’m usually so busy that it takes me months to finish a book, if at all. My bookcase is littered with dozens of hardbacks and paperbacks with the telltale bookmark indicating that I made it partway before losing interest, being distracted or starting a new one.

I have great memories from my backpacking era where I would demolish a novel in a day whilst driving across Africa or the Middle East in the back of a truck. Those times are over for now.

Rather than continue this trend which would inevitably result in the transformation of my house into Gould’s Book Arcade, I have recently experimented with audio books and the results so far have been very satisfying.

Previously, audio books were the domain of those with poor eyesight, and they were so expensive that the library was the only place to access them. They are still reasonably pricey but I’ve discovered that a subscription with audible.com can make audio books affordable.

Audible.com is an offshoot of amazon.com and just like its mother ship store has over one hundred thousand titles on offer. From classics to the latest releases, it’s not difficult to find something that will float your boat. You’ll find many titles are read by well known actors, with plenty read by the author especially in the autobiography section.

The subscription fee is around $15 a month and for that you get one credit which equals one book download. Without a subscription, books vary in price from $5 to $40. There are also regular sales which allow you to buy discounted extra credits.

Downloading a book is easy via the iPhone app (android also available) or the website to your PC and soon you’ll be enjoying a book in no time. Speaking of time, that’s exactly what I have relished with audiobooks. I don’t have to be holding a book in my hands to enjoy a good tale. I just press play and listen in as I do my housework, get ready for work or drive. I’m actually finishing books.

I’m currently two thirds through the 24 hour long unabridged version of Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story by Arnold Schwarzenegger, read by Terra Nova actor Stephen Lang with the odd chapter garbled by the author himself. Arnold has certainly lived an extraordinary life so far. From his manufacture in the Cyberdyne Systems robot factory in 1947 to becoming the 38th Governor of California, the Austrian Oak is one driven individual. Whether it is finance, body building or attempting to act, nothing will stop the Governator. Mind you, like all autobiographies, everything is viewed through rose coloured glasses. For instance, Arnold fails to mention that Danny DeVito is his twin brother.

I’m proud to say that two virtual books sit on my virtual bookshelf without a virtual bookmark.

The creator, writer and star of comedy classic 30 Rock, Tina Fey, narrates her own life story, Bossypants, which I completed in a very manageable 5 hours. She is quite possibly the funniest women on the planet right now so I do not recommend listening to this book with headphones on public transport.

My favourite movie critic Mark Kermode narrates his 8 hour examination of what is wrong with modern cinema in The Good, The Bad and The Multiplex. He has very similar sensibilities to me so this book comes highly recommended for cinephiles that hate 3D, detest trapped seating and love The Exorcist.

If you love books but have no time to read, then audible.com is a great way to enjoy the latest and greatest from the literary world. Actually, if you have no time to read, you are unlikely to be reading this column.

Do me a favour. If you know someone who loves books but has no time to read but might love audio books, narrate this column to them. Thanks.

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 08:32  Leave a Comment  
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Christmas Entertainer Humiliation: A Confession

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 11th December 2012.

Many moons ago, I played drums and sang with a moderately unsuccessful rock band. We were big in Japan. Well, I wasn’t, but the guitarist Scott was quite tall and well above the average height for Japanese men. One Christmas, the bass player Craig and I were hired to play a corporate Christmas party for a non-specific engineering company.

The theme for the party was medieval times and we were to be jesters. I instantly had a bad feeling about this, Han Solo style, when I was asked if either of us played the lute or pan flute. “Err, no,” I replied. “But Craig can play the guitar and I will sing.” At the time, we were both poor university students, and despite our reservations about the gig we were both skint and desperately needed the $300 appearance fee.

Besides, we only needed to dress up in tights and entertain the guests as they arrived at the function marquee set up in Parramatta Park. What was the worst that could happen? Well, the answer to that question is that the organiser could forget to mention that we also had to lead the party in a 20 minute Christmas carol sing-a-long.

I don’t know if you’ve ever attended a boozy corporate function, but trust me, the last thing you would ever want to do is sing carols. I take that back, the last thing you would ever want to do is sing carols with me. Even worse still, the function manager had requested that we also perform a version of John Williamson’s little known ditty, No-one Loves Brisbane like Jesus, replacing Brisbane with the name of the engineering company’s manager. This was going to be a massacre.

The pre-event entertaining went well. Craig and I sang some covers from our usual band set. I carried around a kiddie size guitar that I pretended to strum. No-one seemed to notice that we weren’t playing lutes or pan flutes. The tights were pretty comfortable.

At show time, we were led to the stage like lambs to the slaughter… lambs with little jester hats on their heads. By this time, the crowd was mid-dinner and well hydrated.  We introduced ourselves, invited the audience to sing along and launched into our first carol.

To be fair, they respected us enough as performers to not boo through the first minute. They were probably too shocked by the talent black hole on stage to make a noise. We must’ve looked hungry too because they started to throw bread rolls at us soon after. You can imagine the reception to our “special” comedy song about the company manager.

We somehow managed to get through the set and left the stage with our dignity intact. Actually, we left the stage with a half dozen dinner rolls each and no dignity.

In my short career as a jester, musician and corporate entertainer, that Christmas gig was the worst ever. I’ll never forget the jeers and humiliation. To this day, I have never hired an engineer from that firm. I’ve never needed the services of one either, but that’s not the point.

So this Christmas, spare a thought for mediocre performers everywhere. Wait until the end of the carol before jeering and always butter the bread rolls before throwing them.

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 08:28  Leave a Comment  
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Film Review: Wreck-It Ralph

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 18th December 2012.

Aficionados of old school video games have plenty of reasons to hit the cinema this holiday season. Disney’s latest animated feature Wreck-It Ralph takes place inside a traditional video game arcade. Borrowing from the Toy Story trilogy, the film sees the characters of said games come to life when the arcade closes. Linked together by an intricate public transport system (the power supply), the characters interact and mingle inside a central station (a power board).

Ralph is the villain of the video game Fix-It Felix Jnr, a thinly-veiled Donkey Kong clone. Outside business hours, Ralph attends a support group for video game bad guys. Unable to accept his fate, Ralph wants to be become a hero and sets off to make his dreams come true; however, his actions soon threaten the very existence of the video games and their inhabitants.

During the support group scenes, gamers will geek out to cameos from many beloved video game franchise antagonists including Clyde the ghost from Pac-Man, Doctor Robotnik from Sonic the Hedgehog, Kano from Mortal Kombat, Zangief from Street Fighter and Bowser from Super Mario Bros.

From the opening image of the Disney logo rendered in 8 bit, veteran animation director Rich Moore (The Simpsons, Futurama) keeps the in-jokes coming for anyone old enough to remember when arcade games cost 20c, as well as ensuring there is an abundance of slapstick humour for the kiddies.

Like almost every animated feature nowadays, the voice talent for Wreck-It Ralph features several big name actors from the realms of television and film. John C. Reilly lends his dulcet tones (and likeness) to the titular character alongside comedian Sarah Silverman as the precocious kart driver Vanellope, 30 Rock’s Jack McBrayer as Ralph’s nemesis (and Mario clone) Felix and Glee’s Jane Lynch as a battle hardened Halo-ish soldier. Reilly and Silverman are perfectly cast, however, McBrayer and Lynch oddly channel their TV alter egos Kenneth Parcell and Sue Sylvester, respectively. I would have preferred that they try something different.

The visuals are spot-on. The game play of several iconic video games is lovingly recreated when we see them from a player’s perspective, and are beautifully rendered into detailed 3D environments when we enter the “real world” inside the games. The 3D (apparently compulsory for every animated feature nowadays) is fine but certainly not vital to your enjoyment of the film.

Don’t be late for your screening. Wreck-It Ralph is accompanied by Paperman, an excellent romantic animated short in black and white.

Wreck-It Ralph is great fun and easily my favourite animated feature of the year. I have a feeling that it may underperform at the box office this holiday season as it faces stiff competition from hobbits and warbling revolutionaries. Take a child and you’ll both love it for different reasons. Highly recommended.

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 08:25  Leave a Comment  
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Taken for a ride – Review: Taken 2

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 16th October 2012.

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”

With this ominous speech in 2008’s Taken, actor Liam Neeson completely altered his Hollywood persona from a serious dramatic actor to a bona fide action star. A surprise package, Taken was an unexpected hit at the box office. As retired CIA agent Bryan Mills, Neeson has only four days to track down his daughter, Kim, after she is kidnapped by Albanian human traffickers in Paris.

Using guns, knives, fists, torture and electricity, Neeson destroys 35 bad guys during the course of the movie. Taken is a bloody, violent affair which doesn’t attempt to hide the outcomes of combat, and I really enjoyed it.

Of course, a hit movie pretty much guarantees a sequel, and in the immortal words of Bruce Willis’ John McClane  in Die Hard 2, “How can the same s**t happen to the same guys twice?” Well, Willis is now onto his fifth Die Hard film and last week, Neeson returned to the silver screen as Bryan Mills in Taken 2.

Unfortunately, if like me you prefer your brawn to come with brains, you’ll be disappointed with Taken 2 as it’s possibly one of the most stupid films of the year. This time, Neeson takes his ex-wife and daughter (Famke Janssen and Maggie Grace, reprising their roles from the original) to Istanbul where they are targeted by the revenge seeking relatives of the deceased Albanians from the first film, led by Rade Serbedzija (best known for playing Dmitri Gredenko in season 6 of 24 and numerous other eastern European baddies).

Vengeful relatives travelling to improbable locations in a movie sequel? That would be the plot of the craptastic Jaws: The Revenge (1987) stolen wholesale. In fact, I think I’d rather watch Michael Caine make a shark explode by hitting it with a boat than watch Taken 2 again.

As an insult to intelligent Albanian human traffickers everywhere, the film also utilises the ridiculous plot conceit from the original camp Batman TV series. With known lethal weapon Neeson captured and tied up with his ex-wife in a basement, the villains reveal their plans, set up a death trap for the pair and happily leave them to escape.

Rubbing salt into our wounds, to broaden the potential audience, the violence has been toned down to an M rating, alienating the action movies fans who championed the original in the first place.

Neeson turned 60 this year, which surely makes him eligible for membership in The Expendables. Despite this, Taken 3 seems inevitable. In the meantime, go and see Looper instead, or better still, rewatch the original.

Published in: on October 23, 2012 at 11:14  Leave a Comment  
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Halloween Movie Franchises: John Carpenter’s Halloween

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 23rd October 2012.

On October 25 1978, a low budget slasher film made its debut in US cinemas. John Carpenter’s Halloween was produced for a paltry sum of US$325,000 and eventually grossed $55 million at the box office worldwide. Introducing masked serial killer Michael Myers to popular culture, no babysitter was safe in this classic horror flick.

Halloween starred a young Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode, Michael’s sister and the object of his (murderous) intentions. On the killer’s trail was Donald Pleasance as psychiatrist Dr Sam Loomis. Complete with a spooky piano melody, composed by Carpenter himself, the movie is genuinely creepy and still provides “watch through your fingers” scares decades later.

The original Halloween spun off seven sequels, and was rebooted in 2007 by musician turned film director Rob Zombie, which in turn spawned a sequel. To date, the franchise has generated over $366 million worldwide. Not bad for a series of films featuring a lead character wearing a Captain Kirk rubber mask sprayed with white spray paint.

Each entry of the Halloween story was released on or around, not surprisingly, Halloween, thus beginning not one, but two traditions: scary movie franchises released at Halloween; and scary movie franchises released at Halloween with diminishing returns.

Three years after the original, Michael Myers returned in Halloween II. Picking up immediately after the events of the first film, Myers survived six bullets from Dr Loomis’ gun to continue stalking Laurie.  The following October, Halloween III: Season of the Witch was unleashed on unsuspecting fans. Intended to shift the franchise into an anthology of unrelated horror films, the film features a plot to kill thousands of children at Halloween with deadly latex skeleton, witch and jack-o’-lantern masks. How are the masks deadly? They have evil powers because they are each embedded with a tiny chip of Stonehenge. Insert your own sound of crickets chirping here.

Unsurprisingly, Myers was resurrected in 1988 for Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. Unfortunately, this and the next two sequels all hail from the late eighties, a period that was not kind to horror franchises. With box office returns shrinking, desperate film companies churned out substandard, low budget Freddy, Jason, Jaws, Chucky and Halloween flicks.

In 1998 the series peaked again as Jamie Lee Curtis returned for Halloween H2O: 20 Years Later. With an original star onboard, the film picks up the Laurie Strode storyline again, finding her hiding from her now infamous brother at a posh private school. Of course, Myers tracks her down and mayhem ensues, but at least the storyline had some weight due to Curtis’ presence, unlike the cast of unknown victims from the previous sequels.

Four years later, the original Halloween canon concluded with a disappointing whimper, as Myers returns to his childhood home to find it the subject of a Big Brother-like television show. After so many brushes with death, serial killer Michael Myers is finally sent to hell by the incredibly terrible acting of rapper turned “actor” Busta Rhymes.

I’m not a big fan of the Rob Zombie reboot so I won’t discuss it here. I have no interest in back story or motivation when it comes to my movie killers. Call me old fashioned.

For a real Halloween treat this, er, Halloween, grab a copy of the original, er, Halloween on blu-ray and relive the mother of all slasher films in high definition. Next week, I’ll discuss more recent movie franchises to also capitalise on Halloween releases. Boo!

Published in: on October 23, 2012 at 11:11  Leave a Comment  
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