Paranormal Profits

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 13th April 2010.

The most profitable motion picture ever recently hit retail shelves on DVD and blu-ray. And no, I’m not writing about Avatar. Paranormal Activity, a supernatural thriller made for a paltry US$15 000, has taken more than $100 million at the US box office.

Written and directed by Oren Peli, the film was shot over a week at the director’s own home. Similar to the Blair Witch Project, which also features on the most profitable movie list, the premise of the feature is the discovery of home videos belonging to a young couple investigating strange happenings inside their apartment.

Katie and Micah (these are actually the actors’ real names too) set up a video camera in their bedroom to capture the supernatural activity that occurs while they are sleeping. As things start to go bump (and worse) in the night, the movie taps into our innate fear of what may happen when we are at our most vulnerable, that is, when we’re asleep.

 Originally screened at horror film festival, Screamfest, in 2007, Paranormal Activity attracted interest from Hollywood, particularly Steven Spielberg’s Dreamworks studio. With the intention of remaking the movie with a bigger budget and big name actors, Dreamworks agreed to one last test screening at the request of the director, who believed the original was potent enough for a general release.

The test screening was initially thought to be a failure, as patrons kept leaving the theatre, however, when the producers discovered that the reason for the departures was sheer terror, a viral marketing campaign was started. Coinciding with a very limited cinema release in US university towns, a website was set up where people could demand the US domestic release of Paranormal Activity. As word spread about this frightening flick, Paramount Pictures, which owns Dreamworks, promised to release the film when a million people requested the movie via the website.

In October 2009, as demanded, Paranormal Activity hit cinemas across the US and the rest is history.

Is it as frightening as the marketing campaign would have you believe? Put simply, no. Paranormal Activity works best in a darkened cinema with the sound up loud, or at home during the night with the lights off. The scares are pretty low-tech so don’t expect the Kraken to appear in 3D. The lead actors, who were unknowns before and likely to fade into obscurity after this film, remain believable throughout the film. The repetitive nature of the storyline which continuously returns to the bedtime surveillance camera makes the 86 minute running time seem longer.

Paranormal Activity is an effective supernatural thriller that is worth your time. I definitely recommend that you rent or buy it. This is mostly because I make an appearance in the fan featurette. At 5 minutes and 10 seconds, my spooky face can be seen. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

The top 5 most profitable movies ever:

1. Paranormal Activity

2. Tarnation

3. Mad Max

4. Super Size Me

5. The Blair Witch Project

Published in: on April 20, 2010 at 13:43  Leave a Comment  
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DVD Commentaries and RiffTrax

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 6th April 2010.

If you’re a film buff like me, simply watching a movie on DVD or blu-ray is simply not enough. Straight after the final credits roll, I love to restart the film, this time with the audio commentary running. Pretty much a standard “extra feature” on the majority of non-vanilla movie releases, commentaries are usually recorded by the filmmakers and included on the disc as an alternate soundtrack, allowing the movie to be watched with the comments heard instead of the original dialogue or score.

The majority of audio commentaries are recorded by the director. Some also include other members of the crew or cast. For older movies where the filmmakers are no longer alive, film historians will sometimes record a commentary. On “special edition” discs, more than one audio commentary is often included.

Of course, just like films, audio commentaries vary in quality and entertainment value. The commentaries for The Goonies and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory are great fun as they reunite the casts for the first time in many years. Sylvester Stallone’s ultra-serious track for Rambo (2008) is hilarious as he justifies exploding heads and blood splatters in explicit detail. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) features a memorable commentary by the lead actors in character complaining how they were misrepresented by the (faux) documentary. Joel Schumacher’s commentary for Batman and Robin (1997) is an entertaining two hour apology for this awful almost-franchise-killing third sequel.

If you’ve ever watched a dodgy film that deserves smart comments and quips yelled at the screen, then RiffTrax may be for you. RiffTrax is a website that produces and sells downloadable comedy commentaries for movies. Simply download the commentary of your choice as an mp3 file and then play it over the top of the movie. Instructions for synchronising the track with the movie are included and usually just a matter of pressing play at the same time as a certain part of the opening credits.

RiffTrax is the brainchild of US comedian Michael J. Nelson, who came to fame in the TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988-99). This cult show centred on a man and his robot sidekicks who were trapped on a space station and being forced to watch old B-grade science fiction films (usually with expired copyrights). A revolutionary show at the time, the TV audience watches the cast making fun of the movie and the movie itself.

Movies with RiffTrax comedy commentaries available include recently released easy targets Twilight: New Moon and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, as well as classics such as the Star Wars Trilogy and Casablanca. The website also features downloadable short films (usually American public domain educational films from the 50’s such as Teenagers on Trial) with whacky commentaries.

If you fancy taking the mickey out of your favourite (or otherwise) film, RiffTrax also allows you to submit comedy commentaries of your own. These are hosted on the website and also available for purchase with a 50-50 split on the download fee. Although not likely an avenue for a substantial income, this may be the perfect outlet for a frustrated undiscovered comedian.

Commentary tracks can add an extra dimension to a good or not-so-good movie. Whether focusing on the filmmaking process or purely for a laugh, audio commentaries are worth a listen.

http://www.rifftrax.com

Published in: on April 11, 2010 at 10:53  Leave a Comment  
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R.I.P. Jack Bauer

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 30th March 2010.

This weekend has seen the announcements that two very popular television shows will meet their demise in 2010. Both 24 and The Bill will cease production after long and successful runs. Featuring very different styles of crime fighting, these shows will be missed by Australian audiences. The Bill is somewhat of an institution in the UK, having been in production for an amazing 27 years. It has also been a high rating staple of ABC TV programming. Set in the fictional Sun Hill police station, located somewhere in East London, this procedural drama focuses on the lives of one shift of police officers. Over 2300 episodes, almost no subject has been left untouched by The Bill. From corrupt politicians to gay officers, from violent crime to the mandatory police station fire, the Canley Borough Operational Command Unit is certainly an eventful place to work, although the chances of a police officer making it to retirement alive is rather slim, with many characters biting the dust over the show’s 26 seasons. Once commanding UK audiences of 7 million viewers in 2002, ratings have now slumped to half those numbers in recent years. This has prompted broadcaster ITV to put The Bill out to pasture. Iconic hero Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) burst onto our screens in 2001. 24 was revolutionary in its real time approach to television storytelling. Told in 24 episodes of 44 minutes each (the fight against terrorism still needs commercials), each season followed the events of a single day as the US came under attack from terrorists. A product of 9/11, Jack and the Counter Terrorist Unit controversially used torture and endorsed sacrificing lives for the greater good of the American people. Over 8 eventful days (or seasons), Jack has fought off Middle Eastern terrorists, Mexican drug cartels and American conspirators to prevent nuclear bombs, deadly virus attacks and Presidential assassinations, respectively. Don’t forget that he also overcame heroin addiction in season two. The real time storytelling style of 24 worked well in a weekly episodic format. Watching several episodes together however, often revealed huge plot holes and lapses in logic. No-one seemed to eat, drink or go to the toilet during the 24 hour period either. Maybe they did this in the commercial breaks, just like the audience. Similarly to The Bill, which English actors saw as a rite of passage due to its high turnover of performers, 24 has also provided employment for almost every ethnic looking actor in Hollywood. The only catch, you almost certainly needed to play a terrorist. I’m sure that despite any reservations from actors regarding ethnic stereotyping, the need to eat and pay rent won out each time. So the fictional towns of Sun Hill and Los Angeles will soon be without their crime fighters and law enforcement agencies. Loyal fans and viewers at least can take some solace in the fact that the cancellation announcement has occurred early enough for the producers of The Bill and 24 to give their shows a proper send-off. There is nothing worse than a final episode that ends in a cliffhanger.

Published in: on April 5, 2010 at 10:49  Leave a Comment  
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The great Avatar ripoff

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 23rd March 2010.

James Cameron’s Avatar, winner of 3 Oscars at this year’s Academy Awards and now the highest grossing feature of all time, will hit Australian retail shelves on 29th April. Unfortunately for consumers, the blu-ray and DVD editions will consist of the 2D version of the movie only with absolutely no extra features. This sort of release is known in the industry as a “vanilla” edition.

Vanilla editions are extremely common within the film industry, especially for budget releases and older features. A film distributor may not feel that they will sell enough copies to warrant the expense of sourcing or producing extra features. For films produced prior to the eighties and the invention of VHS, there may literally be no existing footage or promotional material surviving. Of course, this is not always the rule, as the recently released deluxe editions of Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz include hours of commentaries, documentaries and featurettes.

In the case of Avatar, the initial release of the film as a vanilla edition is simply a cash grab by 20th Century Fox.  With the movie having only just departed cinemas and the Oscars buzz still around, why not sell as many vanilla editions as possible to an unsuspecting public who are desperate to see the film again?

In their defence, the film company will probably argue that the general public isn’t really interested in extra features and just want the movie. However, with its ground breaking motion capture technology and virtual camera system which may (or may not) change filmmaking forever, surely one of the most interesting aspects of Avatar as a motion picture must be its production.

What Fox may not want you to know is that a reissue of Avatar in 3D in cinemas is in the works for later this year. The reissue may include extra scenes not seen in the initial release. This will be followed by a Deluxe Collector’s Edition on DVD and blu-ray in November, which will be laden with extras.

So far, there has been no mention of a 3D DVD or blu-ray release. The technology is already available for this to occur. Coraline, My Bloody Valentine, The Final Destination and Journey to the Center of the Earth all have received home 3D DVD and blu-ray releases, albeit with anaglyph (red/blue lens) technology. This style of 3D is inferior to the polarized lens system found in cinemas but is the only viable and affordable home option until 3D television hits our shores over the next few years (and it will be very expensive initially).

To be fair, Avatar is a feast for the eyes and a milestone in modern filmmaking. It represented a huge financial risk for James Cameron and 20th Century Fox, and thanks to the huge box office receipts worldwide, will be extremely profitable for all involved. However, the fact that it was incredibly expensive to make does not justify the contempt that is being shown to movie fans with its money grabbing marketing plan.

It most likely doesn’t end with Avatar either. Cinema chains across the UK were recently in dispute with Disney over its plans to decrease the timeframe between Alice in Wonderland’s cinema and DVD release from 17 to 12 weeks. Expect Alice to be on your local retailer shelves by June, hopefully in a Super Mega 3D Limited Double Disc Collector’s Edition.

Published in: on March 23, 2010 at 11:09  Leave a Comment  
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Sellaband crashes

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 16th March 2010.

Sellaband, the fan driven music website I wrote about in July last year, was declared bankrupt by a Dutch court on 22nd February. A couple of days later, a German company based in Munich bought the company and declared that they would honour all of the investments made by supporters. Launched in August 2006, Sellaband was a revolutionary concept for new musical artists. Bands and singers worldwide uploaded tracks onto the Sellaband website. Fans could listen to the songs for free and then invest in an album, usually the artist’s debut, by purchasing shares or parts at US$10 each. Once an artist had acquired enough shareholders, or “believers”, to raise US$50 000, then the finances would be released to the musicians to record, produce and market their album. In exchange for their investment, fans received a limited edition CD album of their artist. So what went wrong? Despite over forty artists reaching their goal and recording their albums, Sellaband was unable to turn a profit. Even the interest on the millions of dollars sitting in the bank on behalf of the artists who had yet to make their target was not enough to keep the company afloat. In this modern era of iTunes and mp3 files, the traditional album has become a dinosaur. Singles and standalone tracks now dominate the market, as consumers pick and choose the songs they like. Sellaband’s reliance on albums meant that artists had to produce a whole CD of quality tracks, something that even successful mainstream bands and singers often fail to achieve. Once an album was recorded, there wasn’t the opportunity for artists to release singles to promote their CD. Copies were sent out to the investors and little else happened. High quality of acts and artists was also a bugbear for Sellaband. With no-one screening the musicians, anyone could create a profile on the website and receive investments. With 3600 artists listed on the Sellaband website, there were simply too many acts for the general public to peruse and it became extremely difficult for an individual to attract enough attention and investment to reach their goal. Sellaband also encouraged acts to utilise high profile producers, which resulted in well recorded albums but also ate up most of the budget leaving little for promotion. In an attempt to address these problems, Sellaband altered their funding plan in October last year to allow complete flexibility for artists in terms of budget and goal (album, EP, single, music video, etc). They even attracted high profile rappers Public Enemy who aimed to raise US$250 000 with US$25 shares. Unfortunately, these changes were not enough to turn Sellaband fortunes around. The new owners of Sellaband are yet to announce what, if any, other changes they intend to make to the website. It is speculated that they may reduce the number of artists available for investment and steer the investing public towards the most viable and marketable acts. They have, however, released a new set of terms and conditions which doesn’t allow investors to sell their shares and cash out before an artist reaches a goal. For any music fans with an urge to invest in some of their favourite bands, I would suggest they remain cautious and not send any of their hard earned dollars to Germany until the future of Sellaband becomes clearer.

Published in: on March 17, 2010 at 08:18  Leave a Comment  
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Fan funded music: Sellaband

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 5th July 2010.

Music fans looking for an alternative to the commercial music industry are turning to the internet. Social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook have allowed new and undiscovered artists, such as one hit wonder Sandi Thom, to gain worldwide exposure. Long gone are the days of garage bands making demo CDs to hand out at gigs (it was actually demo cassettes in my rather embarrassing grunge band phase). And now a new movement known as “fan funded music” is becoming increasingly popular online.

Sellaband (www.sellaband.com) was launched in August 2006 and is based in Amsterdam. The aim of the company is to assist musicians by bringing them together with fans who are willing to pool money together to fund a recording.

Aspiring solo artists and bands register on the website and then upload their profile including info, photos and music. Punters can then browse these profiles and listen to tracks. If an artist or group takes your fancy, you can become a “believer” by purchasing a share or “part” for US$10. When an artist attracts enough paying fans to sell 5000 parts, they can then access the US$50,000 to record an album with the producers and engineers of their choice.

For each part purchased, the believer receives a limited edition copy of the CD they have helped fund. Sellaband recordings are also distributed worldwide via online retailers such as Amazon and iTunes. For a five year period following the release of the recording, any net revenues are equally shared by the artists and the believers.

So far, 21 artists have successfully reached their $50,000 goal and  released an album. Of these, two artists hail from Australia. Folk rock singer Mandyleigh Storm from Perth released “Fire and Ice” in March 2008. Brisbane rock band, Vegas Dragons, were also successful. There are another 11 artists worldwide currently recording, including Australian hard rock singer Tiffany Gow.

 A great feature of Sellaband is its flexibility. Fickle believers can move their shares around from artist to artist, and even sell back parts for a refund. It is only when an artist reaches their goal that the supporters are formally locked in.

Sellaband also allows you to communicate directly with your favourite artists. Within minutes of purchasing a part, the selected artist is usually personally thanking you for your support via email. Fans can message and chat with other believers and Sellaband musicians worldwide.

Sellaband and similar website Slicethepie (www.slicethepie.com) are a great way to discover new music from almost every style and genre. Even if you choose not to invest, it costs absolutely nothing to listen to music from all over the world.

Published in: on March 17, 2010 at 08:17  Leave a Comment  
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My column has jumped the shark

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 9th March 2010.

Have you ever been watching your favourite television show and thought that it didn’t seem to be as good as usual? There’s a good chance that it has jumped the shark.

“Jumping the shark” is a popular term used to describe a TV series that has peaked and has begun to decline. This is often when the creative forces behind a show have run out of ideas and are starting to use desperate measures to regain their once loyal viewers.

The phrase refers to an episode from the fifth season of Happy Days which was filmed in 1977. In this episode, to prove his manhood, Fonzi (Henry Winkler) jumps over a deadly man-eating shark, complete with stock footage, on water-skis. Looking ridiculous in his budgie smugglers and trademark leather jacket, Fonzi’s stunt is widely regarded as a sure sign that the popular TV show was beginning to decline creatively. Of course, Happy Days continued for many years following that infamous episode but it never quite had the same magic.

There are several indicators that a show has jumped the shark. Here are a few.

One of the lead actors departing from a series is a significant clue. Actress Valerie Harper left her eponymous 80’s sitcom in a dispute with the producers, who promptly renamed it “Valerie’s Family”. After threats of litigation from Harper, it was then re-renamed “The Hogan Family”. By this time, the audience had lost interest and the show was cancelled soon after. John Ritter’s tragic premature death in 2003 also brought an early end to his sitcom 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter. It stumbled on for another 2 years as “8 Simple Rules” and his character was deemed to have died also from a heart attack between seasons.

Shows built around the sexual tension between characters also tend to lose their appeal and audiences once the writers make the mistake of having those characters marry or sleep together. This is another sign that a shark has been jumped. A great example of this is Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, which was axed soon after its lead characters were married. Other examples include Moonlighting, Who’s The Boss? and The Nanny.

Bringing in a cute child character is another red flag that a shark is circling. Remember the little fat kid from Hey Dad? Annoying Arthur MacArthur, played by Sorbent ad child actor Matthew Krok, was added to the cast to ensure that the cute factor remained as Mr Kelly’s youngest daughter Jenny grew up. By the time the show ended a few years later, only Betty the Receptionist (Julie McGregor) remained as an original cast member. In fact, even the dad in Hey Dad abandoned the show before its eventual demise.

Complicated storylines which confuse viewers also tend to result in a drop in ratings, particularly when it becomes clear that a resolution may not be on the cards immediately. Whilst there may not be an actual jump the shark moment, TV shows with convoluted plots which move at a snail’s pace such as Flashforward, Heroes, The X-Files and Lost were certainly shining up their skis pretty early on for the majority of viewers.

Keep an eye out for these signs and you’ll be sure to know that your favourite show has jumped the shark and it’s time to change the channel.

Published in: on March 9, 2010 at 20:15  Comments (4)  
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The Oscars: Who will win and who should win?

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 2nd March 2010.

The 82nd Academy Awards will be presented in the US on Sunday 7th March, which means that all of the drama will unfold during the day on Monday 8th March Australian time. The winners of the British Academy Awards, the Screen Actors Guild Awards and the Golden Globes have already been announced and are said to predict the outcome of the Oscars. However, as last year’s Best Actor category showed, where Mickey Rourke won at the majority of award ceremonies but lost out to Sean Penn for the big one, the winners are not necessarily set in stone. Here are my tips for who will win and who should win an Oscar.

Best Lead Actor Jeff Bridges has been winning acclaim for his role of grizzled country singer “Bad” Blake in Crazy Heart. He also actually performs the songs in the film. I expect him to win this year based on his large and impressive body of work and his previous four nominations. For my money, Colin Firth should win for his portrayal of a college professor planning to suicide after the death of his lover in A Single Man.

Best Lead Actress Sandra Bullock is strangely in the lead to win best actress for The Blind Side as well as worst actress for the bomb All About Steve. As a heartstring tugging sports flick, all tickets to The Blind Side should come with a box of tissues. Bullock is probably the best thing in it, so I’d prefer the award go to Cary Mulligan for her performance as a 1960’s schoolgirl who is swept off her feet by an older man in An Education.

Best Supporting Actor Austrian actor Christolph Waltz will be unstoppable in this category. His remarkable Nazi Colonel Hans Landa in Inglorious Basterds is easily the most memorable villain of the year. Expect an acceptance speech where Waltz babbles about how Basterd’s director Quentin Tarantino changed his life.

Best Supporting Actress Comedienne and actress Mo’Nique’s frighteningly gritty performance as neglectful and violent mother Mary in Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (yes, that is actually the full title of the film) has already won several awards. She’ll accept her Oscar with an emotionally charged speech. God is sure to be thanked.

Best Animated Feature Disney’s return to hand drawn features with The Princess and the Frog, and two old school stop motion hits in Coraline and The Fantastic Mr Fox have made 2009 a very memorable year for animation. However, no other film, animated or otherwise, had the heart of Up. The first ten minutes of this Disney-Pixar classic are gut wrenchingly sad and will never leave you.

Best Director James Cameron will win for his motion capture remake of FernGully. His breakthroughs in high tech filmmaking (Terminator 2, The Abyss and Titanic) have shaped the film industry over the past twenty five years. He’ll never win a best screenplay award, but much like The Jazz Singer in 1927 which introduced sound to the cinema, Avatar will be remembered as a turning point in motion pictures. For films set on Earth, I’d love to see James Cameron’s ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow get the nod for The Hurt Locker.

Best Picture Dances with Smurfs will win, no question. This year, to improve TV ratings, the nominee list for best picture has been expanded to ten films. My picks for the silver medal would be South African sci-fi classic District 9 (love the prawns), Iraq-set military thriller The Hurt Locker and Quentin Tarantino’s rewriting of World War 2 history, Inglorious Basterds.

Published in: on March 7, 2010 at 13:06  Leave a Comment  
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A good cause but I Haiti the song

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 23rd February 2010.

The recent earthquake disaster in Haiti has prompted the stars of popular music to come together in both the UK and the US to record fundraising singles. Stateside, original USA for Africa producers Lionel Ritchie and Quincy Jones have teamed up with Haitian born musician Wyclef Jean to record We Are the World 25: For Haiti, whilst Simon Cowell, at the behest of British PM Gordon Brown, spearheaded the UK response, a cover of REM’s Everybody Hurts under the Helping Haiti banner.

A reworking of 1985’s We Are the World, over seventy of America’s most talented performers and Miley Cyrus contributed to Artists for Haiti. Renown vocalists such as Barbra Steisand, Celine Dion and Tony Bennett appear alongside rappers including Snoop Dogg, LL Cool J and Will.i.am. Michael Jackson’s vocals from the original recording also feature. Criticised for its use of Auto-Tune to augment Lil Wayne’s lines, much like the weird pitch change effect in Cher’s hit single Believe, We Are the World 25: For Haiti is a mess. Stylistically, the mix of classic vocal delivery and rapping clashes badly, and Jamie Foxx’s impersonation of Ray Charles to sing the late soul legend’s lines from the original is in dubious taste.

Helping Haiti consists of over twenty talented stars and Miley Cyrus (again). Mainly UK based singers with a sprinkling of international artists such as Jon Bon Jovi and Michael Bublé, this supergroup is much more pop based than its US cousin, featuring members of Take That and Westlife alongside Robbie Williams, Kylie Minogue, Mika and Susan Boyle. A traditional take on the original, Everybody Hurts is a more successful recording as it relies on the strength of the songwriting of REM’s 1993 hit. REM also graciously waived all royalties for this single. Let’s just now hope that no-one finds any flute riffs from “Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree” in it.

The ultimate novelty song, the charity single became popular following the release of Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas in 1984. Organised by the Boomtown Rat’s Bob Geldof and featuring an amazing array of stars such as Bono, Phil Collins, George Michael, Sting and Boy George, Do They Know It’s Christmas sold 3.5 million copies in the UK alone and was the highest selling UK single ever until Elton John’s Candle in the Wind 1997, also a charity single. Band Aid II and Band Aid 20 followed in 1989 and 2004 respectively, with new versions of the same song.

Other notable, and less serious, charity singles include Living Doll by Cliff Richard and the Young Ones, That’s What Friends Are For by Dionne Warwick, Stevie Wonder, Gladys Knight and Elton John, and Absolutely Fabulous by the Pet Shop Boys, Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French.

From a music buyer’s perspective, the problem with charity records is that they have little longevity. They are so entrenched in a particular time, place or issue that they are unlikely to be on anyone’s turntable, CD player or iPod beyond their initial release. On a positive note, they are a great snapshot of who was popular at that particular time. For every Bono on 1984’s Do They Know It’s Christmas, there is a Marilyn (a long forgotten one hit wonder Boy George clone).

Both of the singles benefitting Haiti are performing well on the charts, although it is yet to be seen if they match the sales of their 80’s predecessors. I’ve purchased and downloaded both to contribute to the cause, but have little interest in listening to either more than once.

Published in: on March 3, 2010 at 06:29  Leave a Comment  
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Sweeping Ice in Parkas: The Winter Olympics

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 16th February 2010.

The Winter Olympics are upon us again and this year, I was determined to get into it, despite the fact that I have little knowledge or appreciation of the sports involved. Having grown up in Australia, the concept of hurling yourself down a snow covered hill with little or no means of braking seems a little alien. The tight jumpsuits, weird scoring systems and curling as a sport in general just don’t click with me. However, I was going to give it my best shot so I started with something I could relate to…the opening ceremony.

Due to the time differences between Australia and Canada, most Olympic events will occur in the very early hours of our mornings, but as the Opening Ceremony is an evening event, it aired live at the respectable time of 12:30pm on Saturday with a replay later that night.  Having attended the final dress rehearsal for the Sydney Olympics and watched many other summer opening ceremonies, I was prepared for a long but rewarding three hours plus of sickly sweet “world in harmony” goodness.

Although not quite surpassing the grandeur of the Beijing Games, the Canadians put on an amazing show. The use of high resolution projections onto the floor of the stadium provided a stunning backdrop for the performers. In particular, the projection of whales swimming across the stadium complete with physical jets of water was breathtaking.

The fact that the name of our country starts with an “A” certainly makes the lengthy entry of the athletes less painful. Once our athletes had been introduced, there was plenty of time to make a cup of tea, go to the toilet and knit a small jumper before the entertainment started. I really felt sorry for the poor ushers who lined the path for the athletes who had to dance “enthusiastically” for the whole entry and introduction process.

The fourth leg of the cauldron not rising out of the stadium floor was not the only clanger of the night. During the athlete tribute song, poor old Bryan Adams forgot to start lip synching at the right time and missed most of a solo line for a song that he composed himself. Perhaps he was distracted by the sight of a rather awkward looking duet partner Nelly Furtado, who was wearing a rather form fitting blue number and ten inch high heels that didn’t allow her to move around the stage well. Both seemed out of place surrounded by hundreds of representatives of Canada’s indigenous groups all dressed in their “traditional” UV costumes.

With Australian David Atkins (the man behind the musical Hot Shoe Shuffle and the 80’s scratch lottery commercials) producing the ceremony, some of the items seemed a little reminiscent of the Sydney Olympics opening. A young man flew around the stadium a la Nikki Webster. I’ll be looking forward to his debut single Strawberry Kisses coming out soon. A dance number complete with tap dancing punk violinists was memorable but also similar to the Tap Dogs inspired industrial dance from 2000.

k.d. lang closed the entertainment part of the ceremony with a hauntingly beautiful version of Leonard Cohan’s Hallelujah. This song is fast becoming one of the most covered and overexposed songs in history, although this version seemed to suit the occasion well, even though I have no idea what the song is actually about…something to do with Shrek I think.

With the opening ceremony done and dusted, I continued my mission to appreciate the Winter Olympics the next day by watching a whole afternoon of events. Unfortunately, I’m afraid to report that a DVD was on by dinner time. Sorry Canada, maybe in another four years?

Published in: on February 18, 2010 at 08:22  Leave a Comment  
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