Eighties remakes suck…but if you really have to, remake these

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 1st November 2011.

There’s nothing new under the sun. This year has seen the release of eighties remakes, Footloose and Fright Night. Both films have enjoyed moderate box office success and mixed critical reviews, but ultimately, one has to wonder why a remake was necessary.

With a prequel to the 1980 classic The Thing also hitting screens this month, plus a troubled reworking of Red Dawn likely to finally see the light of day this year, it seems all bets are off.

So here are my picks for eighties classics to be remade, even though I think it’s a bad idea.

Number 5 is alive! Despite starring Steve Guttenberg and having a shameful Indian stereotype character played by white actor Fisher Stevens (Birdy Num Nums anyone?), Short Circuit (1986) is great fun. Johnny 5, a military prototype robot, gets struck by lightning and develops self awareness. Permanently stuck is wise cracking mode, Johnny learns about life as he goes on the run from the bad guys with charisma vacuum Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy in tow. A poor sequel was produced in 1988 with only Fisher Stevens and Number 5 returning.

Have you ever left a yogurt in the fridge for so long that it becomes an evil entity that wants to take over your body? That is pretty much the premise of The Stuff (1985). Miners discover sweet tasting goo seeping out of the ground and decide to mass market it as a dessert (as you do). Of course, the goo is alive and has the power to turn the good folk of America into zombies. Only an industrial espionage expert hired by a rival ice cream company can save the day. I know it’s not exactly Hamlet but conceptually The Stuff is pretty good, er, stuff.

John Cusack was a staple in eighties teen comedies and two of his classics deserve a reboot. The Sure Thing (1985) stars Cusack as a young man who embarks on a road trip across America to hook up with a bikini clad blonde. Bad luck pairs him with uptight classmate Allison (Daphne Zuniga). Chaos ensues. Will he get to meet the girl of his dreams or will the mismatched travelling couple fall in love? I’m sure you can guess.

Better Off Dead (1985), also stars Cusack as a teen who loses his fickle girlfriend to a fellow skiing rival. Depressed, he tries unsuccessfully to kill himself. Pursued throughout the film by a paperboy (I want my two dollars!) and two very funny Asian revheads who seem to be waiting to race him at every traffic light, Cusack has to get his skiing mojo back as he falls for the pretty foreign exchange student next door.

In the eighties, two-for-one vouchers could often be found on promotional bottles of a particular brand of cordial (the one my dad picks the fruit for). These vouchers were only good for whatever film was being pushed at the time, and this is how I got to see my final pick, The Boy Who Could Fly (1986).

Teenager Milly meet Eric, an autistic boy. Both have lost a parent or parents and they soon become friends. After a series of strange events, Milly comes to the conclusion that Eric might have strange powers. Can Eric really fly? Have you read the title of the film?

On paper, none of these films sound worthy of a remake. However, like the original Footloose and Fright Night, they each contain a particular energy, attitude and innocence unique to the eighties and this cannot be replicated by CGI, 3D or any Kevin Bacon wannabe. But if we must disturb the graves of classic eighties cinema, you could do far worse.

Published in: on November 1, 2011 at 12:12  Leave a Comment  
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Rewind Festival Wound Up

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 25th October 2011.

A few weeks ago I penned a column about the upcoming Rewind Festival, a two day music festival featuring an array of eighties acts planned for this coming weekend. Last Monday came the announcement that the event had been cancelled. There’s no doubt that this decision was due to poor ticket sales. This is bad news for the few who had purchased tickets and now have to scramble for refunds, and whilst the notion of a retro festival appears attractive, there are plenty of reasons why Rewind was doomed to fail from the beginning.

Firstly, the planned event location was too far from a major city to be viable. Bluescope Field in Kembla Range, near Wollongong, may have been an acceptable site for campers, however, for day ticket holders, who would have been the majority of attendees, the distance to travel was too great.

As the event date drew closer, an attempt was made to shift Rewind to the Hordern Pavilion. This is a good indication of how much the promoter’s expectations fell as ticket sales stalled. Bluescope Field has a maximum capacity of 30000 compared to the Hordern’s 5500. A promotion for two tickets for the price of one a month before the event was another ominous sign that sales were not going well.

I decided not to attend the festival as I didn’t fancy camping out in the elements, particularly if rain turned the grounds to mud. Perhaps my thoughts were indicative of the majority of Rewind’s demographic, Generation X’ers. I now find it difficult to stand through a regular two hour or so concert. There’s no way my knees would make it through a two day festival. Bring on the comfortable chairs and hotel rooms.

I also think that the night time is the right time for concerts. Darkness adds a ferly atmosphere to a gig and many of the Rewind acts were unfortunately scheduled to play under the sun.

The Rewind Festival has previously been a success in the UK. Of course, they have a much bigger population and a longer tradition of music festivals. In Australia, the festival scene is highly competitive. With The Big Day Out, Homebake and Splendour by the Grass soaking up the majority of festival dollars, smaller festivals have to virtually sell out to be feasible.

A strong Aussie dollar compared to the greenback also makes Australia more attractive to overseas based acts. Defunct eighties and nineties performers are reforming to cash in on an increasing demand and interest in all things retro. The successful Day on the Green franchise proves that Baby Boomers and Generation X’ers will pay top dollar to see quality retro acts alongside contemporary artists. Of course, most of these retro performers have a deep back catalogue of hits, which is more than could be said for most of the artists on the Rewind Festival bill.

The rise of MTV in the eighties led to many iconic music videos. These classic clips have been on constant rotation on TV ever since. Why would I want to see a much older Bananarama lip synch their way on a sparse stage through their biggest hit, Venus, when I can watch a much spunkier and younger group from the comfort of my living room?

So another music festival bites the dust. It’s a pity really. I would suggest to the promoters that an arena tour of the capital cities with a rapid fire format similar to the Countdown Spectacular concerts in 2006/07 would have been a much better choice.

Published in: on October 27, 2011 at 01:26  Comments (2)  
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Movie Review: Tucker & Dale vs Evil

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 18th October 2011.

Think about the storyline for your average horror film. Does this sound familiar? A group of nubile college students heads out to the woods for a camping trip. On the way they insult two hillbillies, who then proceed to extract revenge by killing off the promiscuous teens one by one. Yep, it’s pretty much the framework for a whole raft of slasher movies.

What if you reversed the concept, following the film from the hillbillies’ perspective? Except this time, the yokels are simple but friendly folk, and the teenagers are familiar with the rules of horror movies. Every good natured move the hillbillies make is interpreted by the teenagers as an attempt on their lives, and one by one they meet their demise through a series of hilarious mishaps.

Sounds like the perfect horror comedy. And it possibly is. The film’s title is Tucker & Dale vs Evil and it has just hit Australian DVD and blu-ray shelves after a difficult birth that saw it come extremely close to a theatrical release and possibly become a major hit.

Alan Tudyk, one of my favourite actors, stars as Tucker. You might remember Tudyk as the popular character Wash from the short lived Joss Whedon sci-fi western series, Firefly, and the subsequent big screen film, Serenity.  As Dale, you have rising actor Tyler Labine, who was most recently seen as chimp handler Robert Franklin in this year’s surprise hit, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Also starring as college student and love interest Allison is Katrina Bowden, best known as the cute but dim Cerie in TV sitcom 30 Rock. A solid cast for sure.

The director is Eli Craig, making his feature film debut. His short film, The Tao of Pong, is available on YouTube and is great fun.

Filmed in 2009 in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, the completed film premiered at the 2010 Sundance Film Festival to cheering audiences. A subsequent screening at the prestigious South by Southwest in Austin, Texas also received a rapturous response.

A mainstream distributor became interested in the project and put the film through a test screening which resulted in overwhelmingly positive figures. Thinking that it was all a mistake, the distributor held a second screening which came back with similar results.

The final obstacle in the US film release process is the booking of movies by the cinema chain owners. Unfortunately, based on one screening, a major chain didn’t think it had potential and turned it down. And with that, Tucker & Dale vs Evil missed out on a major US cinema release. It premiered in Australia last week as a direct-to-DVD title.

I have a tendency to support the underdog, and after reading about the film’s history, I immediately rushed out to buy a copy. And I have to say that it doesn’t disappoint. Deliciously gory and hilarious at the same time, the film is a refreshing take on a worn genre.

Tucker & Dale vs Evil deserves mainstream attention. It is an absolute shame that the latest The Not-So-Final Final Destination chapter is taking up cinema screens when a much smarter and deserving film is relegated to the small screen. I guess it happens all the time.

So gather a bunch of friends, find the biggest TV that you can, buy (and don’t download) Tucker & Dale vs Evil and have yourself a great night in.

Published in: on October 18, 2011 at 22:10  Leave a Comment  
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Bargain Bin Blu-Ray Reviews

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 11th October 2011.

With the price of blu-ray discs coming down, there are now some great deals which bring the price of high definition discs in line with their standard definition DVD counterparts. One particular local non-specific music and movies store even has a special of 3 blu-rays for $40. This proved rather hard for me to resist so today I took the opportunity to purchase some movies which were not particularly well reviewed but I had some interest in, as well as an old favourite that I couldn’t wait to see in high def. So without any further ado, here are the reviews of my 3 for $40 marathon.

The Exorcist is regarded as the scariest movie of all time, and I must say that pea soup vomit in high definition does not disappoint. I never got the chance to see it during its original theatrical run, being minus two years old at the time, but it still packs a mighty punch. Even if you have no particular religious beliefs regarding demonic possession or exorcism, it is practically impossible to not get sucked into the spooky tale of young Regan McNeil and the events which transpire when her body becomes the temporary home for the evil spirit Pazuzu, as often happens.

This blu-ray edition features the 2000 released, “Version You’ve Never Seen”, which includes the infamous originally deleted but now restored spider walk sequence, where twelve year old Regan, played convincingly by Linda Blair, walks down the stairs on her hands and feet, backwards and upside down. I caught this version on the big screen at the time and believe me, it will send shivers down your spine.

The bonus features include some very interesting documentaries on the making of the film, plus an informative commentary from the director, William Friedkin. Unfortunately, the 2008 BBC documentary, The Fear of God: The Making of “The Exorcist” is nowhere to be found. A must-see for any fan of classic cinema, don’t watch it alone, or without extra underwear on hand.

Machete spun from a spoof trailer added to the 2007 Grindhouse double feature from directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. Unfortunately, Australian distributors did not think that audiences would sit though two horror / exploitation flicks in a row, complete with fake coming soon trailers, and the films were released separately, bombing badly at the box office.

Starring ex-con turned actor Danny Trejo in his first leading role, Machete also boasts an all-star lineup of top shelf Hollywood actors such as Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez, as well as has-been acts including Don Johnson, Steven Seagal and Lindsay Lohan.

A violent, bloody celebration of B-grade seventies drive-in fare, the film is great fun, especially if you enjoy the work of director Rodriguez, who co-directs with Ethan Maniquis. If you’ve ever wanted to see Bob De Niro hamming it up alongside renowned thespian Seagal, then Machete should be on your bargain bin list. Don’t expect much from the extra features. There are a few deleted scenes and a pointless audience reaction sound track.

Faster stars Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Driver. Yep, no name, just Driver. To up the acting quotient, Billy Bob Thornton also stars as Cop. Hmm, perhaps they should have renamed the film, Movie.

The problem with Faster is that they’ve taken Johnson, one of the most charismatic Hollywood stars to emerge in recent years, and removed any sense of humour or fun from the film. An action packed revenge thriller, it takes itself way too seriously and made me want the film to end…faster.

For a few dollars more than the price of one new blu-ray release, I got one classic, one rewatchable spoof and one humourless dud, which translates into two keepers and one pretty coaster. Not bad for forty bucks, really.

Published in: on October 17, 2011 at 05:22  Leave a Comment  
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Terra Nova: hit or miss TV?

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 4th October 2011.

Steven Spielberg’s latest science fiction creation for television, Terra Nova, premiered this past Sunday night. A big budget affair, there are high hopes for this series from its studio Fox and production company, Spielberg’s Amblin Television.

Terra Nova begins on Earth in 2149. The polluted atmosphere is barely breathable and the law dictates that couples may only have two children due to overpopulation. Scientists have discovered a rift in the space-time continuum allowing vital personnel such as doctors, scientists and lawyers (I’m joking about the last one) plus lucky lottery winners to jump back 85 million years to Earth’s Cretaceous period. Fortunately, this Earth is also in an alternate time stream so the events of the past cannot affect the future.

In the new settlement of Terra Nova, doctor Elizabeth Shannon and her two children are secretly joined by her former cop and now prison escapee husband Jim and their illegal third child. Can they survive in a world populated by hungry dinosaurs living in a fenced village (or is it a hamlet, I can never remember) under military rule? Only future episodes and ratings will tell.

So far, things are looking up for this fledgling series. Ratings in the US are acceptable (just) and reviews have been generally positive with an aggregated score of 65% on Metacritic. Thirteen episodes have been ordered so at least we’ll get a decent story arc and season one box set to buy.

Executive producer Steven Spielberg has a mixed track record when it comes to television. He has overseen critical and popular hits such as The Pacific and The United States of Tara as well as flops such as Seaquest DSV and Amazing Stories. He is also not afraid of covering familiar ground and recycling old ideas. Alien abduction series Taken was a retread of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. This year’s Falling Skies feels a lot like War of the Worlds. Band of Brothers was a close relation to Saving Private Ryan. Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment also produced Earth 2, a short-lived sci-fi series with an extremely similar premise to Terra Nova.

Reportedly Spielberg vetoed Terra Nova’s proposed filming location of Hawaii in favour of Queensland. Jurassic Park’s lush forest locations were mostly shot in Hawaii and Spielberg wanted to differentiate them from Terra Nova’s lush forest locations.

I’d like to suggest that it’s not the trees that would make viewers think that Terra Nova is Jurassic Park-lite. That would be the fenced compound, armoured vehicles and the, wait for it, dinosaurs.

It certainly hasn’t been smooth sailing for the show so far. The pilot episode premiere was pushed back from May to September due to delays in completing the visual CGI effects. One of thirteen executive producers, David Fury, departed due to creative differences, and torrential rain delayed filming and damaged sets in Queensland.

I enjoyed the two hour pilot episode. The no-name cast was appropriately believable, the set and locations decent and the dinosaurs menacing. My only gripe was that perhaps too much was packed into the storyline. The rebellious teenage son got himself in and then out of trouble. Dad was shunned and then accepted into the security team. We met the breakaway settlement (the bad guys) and they attacked. Dinosaurs ate stuff, including people. How could so much happen in one day? It’s a good thing the storyline has established that the time travelling is one way only, otherwise I’d be on the first trip back to the polluted future.

With a production budget of $4 million per episode, Terra Nova is one of the most expensive TV series ever. Decent sci-fi is hard to find so let’s hope it survives past one season. A good indication will be if it manages to hold onto its Sunday 8:30pm timeslot. The ominous sign of a shift to 11:30pm on Wednesday right after the Proactiv ads will be an indication that Terra Nova is an endangered species.

Terra Nova airs Sunday nights (for now) at 8:30pm on Ten.

Published in: on October 17, 2011 at 05:18  Leave a Comment  
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Encore Encore

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 27th September 2011.

I was fortunate enough this weekend to catch the sold out Tom Burlinson show, Now We’re Swingin’ at the Civic Theatre. Accompanied by a tight eight piece band, Burlinson was in fine voice and proved why he was chosen to provide the voice of Frank Sinatra for the Australian film The Night We Called It a Day.

After two acts of smooth swing standards, Burlinson took his final bow to a rapturous audience, walked off the stage and then immediately returned for an encore. Although well deserved, it was a little disappointing to not get the opportunity to clap, roar and make some noise to at least feel as if we demanded the encore.

Traditionally, the encore was an unplanned event. In olden times, the appreciative audience at an opera, Shakespearean play or hanging would holler and scream until the performer returned to give them some more.

Nowadays, modern audiences expect an encore and it is most certainly planned as part of the set list. Have you ever wondered if it is really possible that your favourite artist has forgotten to play their most popular song, said goodnight and wandered off to their tour bus for an early night in? And then the concert venue staff have neglected to turn the house lights back on?

I’m pretty sure that an encore is part of the contract for most rock and pop live performances. If it is inevitable, why bother with the charade?

I once left a school dance early to check out 90’s indie rockers Ratcat at Patrick’s Nightclub in Pennant Hills. I was already eighteen by this time, but none of my friends were, so when my mate Clive was turned away at the door by security, I ventured in to the club on my own. Towards the end of the set, lead singer, Simon Day, announced that they were obliged to do an encore but, with the audience’s permission, would just play a few extra songs. Nobody objected.

Apparently Elvis never played encores. The cliché, “Elvis has left the building” was the announcement made in concert halls to let audiences know that The King was not coming back. I guess that extra song or two would be a waste of good eating time, especially when fried banana and peanut butter sandwiches are involved.

The not-so-spontaneous encore is not limited to pop and rock acts. During the most recent Australian tour of The Boy From Oz, Todd McKenney would emerge following the curtain call in his dressing gown and not much else to sing a Peter Allen tune as himself, not Peter Allen. With a mostly grey haired demographic in the audience, it obviously went down extremely well. There wasn’t a dry seat in the house.

The modern encore is an outdated performance tool which has grown stale. I guess that says a lot about live music nowadays. With mega light and sound shows controlled via computers, there is not much room for spontaneity. Would you like to read more? Too bad, I’ve left the building.

Published in: on October 17, 2011 at 05:15  Leave a Comment  
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Cut from the Final Cut

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 13th September 2011.

Imagine being a struggling actor and after years of unsuccessful auditions, you finally get your big break. You rehearse your lines, shoot your scenes and then gather all your friends and family together to watch your work on the big or small screen. Imagine your horror when you find that your scenes have been reduced to a few seconds of screen time or even worse, cut completely from the final project.

Star Wars debuts on high definition blu-ray tomorrow. For Episode IV: A New Hope, English actor Garrick Hagon was cast in the role of Biggs Darklighter, Luke Skywalker’s long time friend. He shot several scenes including one on Tatooine where he confides to Luke that he wishes to abandon the Imperial Academy to join the Rebel Alliance, as well as a reunion at the Yavin 4 hanger prior to the Death Star battle. Both of these ended up on the editing room floor, with only a minor appearance, and subsequent death by explosion thanks to Darth Vader, making it into the original 1977 cut.

I suppose he can’t complain. Hagon does appear in one of the most popular motion pictures ever, and was even immortalised as an action figure. And that is much more than my next subject can say.

The Big Chill was a hit film released in 1983. It was directed by Lawrence Kasdan and starred Glenn Close, Jeff Goldblum, William Hurt and Kevin Kline. Its storyline follows a group of college friends who come back together as thirtysomethings after the suicide of one their mates.

The original script called for flashbacks of the dead friend’s life that were to be interspersed throughout the film. These scenes were shot using an unknown actor at the time named Kevin Costner.

In the final cut, all that remains of Costner’s work are a few shots of his wrists and hair as the corpse is being prepared for the funeral. After sitting through Costner’s self-indulgent disaster, The Postman, I think The Big Chill may be his best work. The deleted scenes have never been released.

Speaking of which, The Big Chill soundtrack is rather excellent. Costner isn’t on that either.

Being cut from a film is not just a phenomenon for unknown actors. Famed film director Terrance Malick finally returned to the big screen with 1998’s The Thin Red Line after an absence of twenty years. This World War 2 drama features seemingly every big name male actor of the time, including Sean Penn, Nick Nolte and George Clooney.

Malick’s first cut ran for a bum-numbing five hours. By the time it hit cinemas, The Thin Red Line was down to 170 minutes. Unfortunately, to achieve this feat, all of the scenes featuring Gary Oldman, Billy Bob Thornton, Viggo Mortensen, Jason Patric, Mickey Rourke, Bill Pullman and Martin Sheen were left on the cutting room floor. I hope they all got paid anyway.

The deadly final cut has even happened to me, although in my case I barely made it in front of the camera.

In my years as a child actor, I was cast in the ABC miniseries Children of the Dragon, starring Gary Sweet. I played a hotel bellhop and had two scenes opposite English actor, Bob Peck.

Peck had starred in the sci-fi flick Slipstream opposite Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill, so I was pretty excited. He later went on to star in Jurassic Park as doomed game warden Robert Muldoon.

My first scene was shot in the morning. All I had to do was grab Bob’s suitcase from a limo and lead him up some stairs. My other scene had dialogue so a few days later I dutifully practiced my lines and waited in the dressing room for my call to work with Mr Peck. Eight hours later, an assistant knocks on the door and informs me that they are running late and my scene had been cut.

What a bummer. Oh well, if it was good enough for Robin Hood, The Wrestler and that guy from Star Wars, it’s good enough for me too.

Published in: on October 17, 2011 at 05:12  Leave a Comment  
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Star Wars on Blu-ray: how many times do I have to buy the same movie?

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 6 September 2011.

If you’re a Star Wars fan, this month has been a long time coming. Wednesday 14 September will see both the original and prequel trilogies released on blu-ray. Finally we’ll be able to see that extra tall (or clumsy) Stormtrooper bang his head on the rising door in A New Hope in stunning high definition.

For around $120, you’ll get nine discs and over thirty hours of bonus features. Thirty hours! That is a lot of commitment, even for a Jedi. Don’t expect to see any nerds around town until the Saturday after its release at the earliest.

I’ve been doing my sums to work out how much money I have spent on purchasing and repurchasing Star Wars movies in my lifetime so far. There was the original VHS copy that I bought way back when owning a VHS (or Beta) player was a luxury and you needed to insert the tapes in the top. Renting a video then set you back $10 a shot, so buying Episode IV outright was easily $100.

Then there was the original trilogy that I purchased with my saved up pocket money from the now defunct HMV store in Parramatta Mall in the late eighties. Box sets didn’t exist then so that’s three movies at $30 each.

In the early nineties, I was working for my local Video Ezy store when Lucasfilm announced that they would be releasing the original films for the very last time so I purchased them again on VHS, this time in widescreen. Of course, television screens were still square shaped then so I got to watch my favourite movies in a small rectangle with dirty black bars above and below. That’s another three movies at $30 each.

What the clever folks at Lucasfilm didn’t mention during that promotion was the reason the original films were available for the “last time” was due to the imminent release of the Special Edition which included revised special effects and a little too much tampering on George Lucas’ behalf, such as changing the cantina scene to have Greedo shoot first in order to make Han Solo seem less ruthless. After duly seeing them on the big screen in 1997, I also bought the Special Edition VHS box set at say, $100. Are you noticing a pattern here?

In 2004, Star Wars Episodes IV – VI finally came out on DVD, this time in a box set complete with an awesome feature length documentary. The Force was strong in that one so I bought it too. Add another $100 at least to the tab.

The original, unaltered films were released again, this time on DVD, in 2006. I felt a little sore about this. Didn’t Lucasfilm say that the original trilogy would no longer be available? I guess they meant no longer available on video. Not a bad Jedi mind trick, but no bingo.

The prequel movies were released on the big screen from 1999 – 2005 and subsequently made their way to DVD. I only bought Episode III, largely due to the fact that the first two are mind numbingly awful. One DVD, $30 spent, fast forward through the Jar Jar scene.

Let’s face it. History shows that I’m going to buy the new Star Wars blu-ray box set. I love high definition films. Blu-ray movies look sharper and clearer to me than looking out the window. How is that possible?

So later this month, my total Star Wars expenditure will be $630. That’s not including buying cinema tickets, action figures, video games, books, magazines, the Princess Leia shampoo that you need to take her head off to get the shampoo out or tickets to see Carrie Fisher live. That’s $630 buying the same product over and over again. Despite his inability to direct actors or write decent dialogue, George Lucas is a marketing genius. Make that a ridiculously rich billionaire marketing genius.

I suppose I can’t complain. Star Wars has been an important part of my life in the past, and if I try to watch all of the new extra features it will probably be my actual life for a couple of days in the near future.

So thank you George Lucas. I hope you remember that 17% of one of the bricks in your solid gold mansion was paid for by me. But remember, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice twice plus one, this better be the last time. And I don’t mean a John Farnham “The Last Time” last time.

May the force be with you and your wallet.

Published in: on September 9, 2011 at 08:30  Leave a Comment  
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Nineties Retro Revival

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 23rd August 2011.

I had the pleasure of catching up with three of my favourite early nineties bands this past weekend. Almost twenty years had passed since their commercial heyday but a packed Enmore Theatre is clear evidence that there is a demand out there for revived and revamped retro acts.

First up were Australian alternative darlings The Clouds. Formed in Sydney in 1990, they were renown for the trademark female harmonies of lead singers Jodi Phillis and Trish Young. I’m pleased to report that both were in fine voice and the band sounded as tight as the last time I saw them at one of the very first Big Day Out festivals, way back when it didn’t sell out in one day and I was young enough to not be annoyed by so many young people there.

In a short and sharp forty minute set, The Clouds had the mostly thirty-something crowd moving with all of their hits, including Say It, Soul Eater, Bower of Bliss and my favourite, Hieronymus. I loved the latter so much that I named my dog after it. Hieronymus Young still lives in Sydney with my parents.

Next up were UK alternative rock icons, The Wonder Stuff. Best known in Australia for their 1991 hit collaboration with Vic Reeves on lead vocals, Dizzy, the band released a string of popular albums between 1986 and 1994 including The Eight Legged Groove Machine, Hup and Never Loved Elvis. With charismatic red wine swilling front man Miles Hunt and original guitarist Mal Treece onboard, the rest of the band’s personnel have changed since they last toured Australia in 1991.

An hour long set breezed by as The Wonder Stuff pumped out favourite after favourite, including Unbearable, Circlesquare and The Size of a Cow at a million miles an hour. My mildly arthritic knees are still sore from all of the jumping up and down that seems to be the dance move of choice in a general admission crowd situation. Why can’t we all just sway?

Headlining the show were Jesus Jones, a London based group who formed in 1988. Their biggest hit, Right Here, Right Now, has set the band up financially after its use in multitudes of advertising campaigns worldwide. Remarkably, the band’s lineup has not changed over the years, and they have never stopped touring.

In their distinct, rock fused with techno style, Jesus Jones delivered all of the hits and more, including Real, Real, Real and International Bright Young Thing. They last toured Australia in 1990, and I’m certain that except for an upgrade for their musical programming from floppy disc to hard drive, they sound exactly the same.

After a well deserved encore from the headliners, the show was over and the appreciative crowd poured out into the streets of Newtown bound for a nice cup of tea before bed. Well, we’re all quite a bit older now.

For a few short hours this weekend, the early nineties were back. I was studying for my HSC. Mickey Robbins and Helen Razer were hosting the Triple J breakfast show which I tuned into religiously in my mum’s station wagon as I drove to high school on my P plates. Kurt Cobain was still alive and life was good.

It doesn’t take much to work out that Generation X is all cashed up and looking for a retro good time. With Roxette, Bachelor Girl and 1927 reforming for reunion gigs soon and the upcoming Rewind festival, the interest in all things nineties is huge so expect to see other long dead acts be resuscitated for your enjoyment.

Published in: on August 23, 2011 at 07:27  Leave a Comment  
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Bored of Board Game Movies

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 16th August 2011.

As Hollywood continues to cannibalise itself with remake after remake, it has turned to other areas of popular culture in the hope of finding inspiration and more importantly, a profitable franchise.

We’ve had a glut of comic book films lately. Marvel has churned out the rather enjoyable Thor and Captain America flicks this year, both chapters of a storyline leading up to the highly anticipated Avengers movie to be released next year. DC unleashed the rather ho-hum Green Lantern on cinemas this week, and they’ll soon be serving up the final film in Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy plus another reboot of the Superman franchise.

Video games have been the basis of many terrible and a few decent movies of late. From the absolute low point of Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead to the fun Resident Evil series, these films always fail to deliver an experience that comes close to playing the game but that doesn’t seem to stop Hollywood from trying. There is talk that video game classic Space Invaders has been licensed for a cinematic revision. In this particular case, I would be happy if they don’t try to capture the gaming experience. I’m pretty sure that a Space Invaders film has already been made. It was called Independence Day.

And then there were the toy films. The Transformers franchise has certainly been the high point in terms of box office clout. Unfortunately, the power of Grayskull couldn’t save Masters of the Universe from being unwatchable, and G.I. Joe was a great film to ignore when you’re reading a book. This year, Hugh Jackman will star with boxing robots in Real Steel, based on the Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots toy line.

Just when you thought that there were no other aspects of pop culture to rape and pillage for a quick movie buck, the trailer for Battleship was released recently. That’s right, a movie based on the Milton Bradley board game.

Starring Liam Neeson and R & B superstar Rihanna, the plot focuses on an international naval fleet preparing for training exercises when they come into contact with an alien force. The trailer features a scene revealing that the aliens have knocked out the battleships’ radar, thus forcing them to fire blindly at the enemy (of course).

I’m absolutely positive that this terrible idea for a movie will feature a captain standing on a naval vessel bridge watching the skirmish unfold on a screen and then shouting out, “You’ve sunk my battleship!”

There’s also talk of Bladerunner director Ridley Scott developing a film based on the Monopoly board game. This sounds like a contender for Worst Film of the Decade not starring Katherine Heigl™.  OK, it may make a decent theme for a scratchie or McDonalds promotion but it sounds like the death of narrative cinema to me. In the same way that I have never ever finished a game of Monopoly (has anyone?)  I doubt I will make it through this clunker if it ever gets made.

In Hollywood, it seems as though there is nothing new under the sun. To me, board games represent family holidays where we’ve been stuck in the caravan on a wet day. Unless it’s Hungry, Hungry Hippos in 3D, I have no interest in movies based on board games. Do not collect $200 and do not pass go.

Published in: on August 16, 2011 at 07:29  Leave a Comment  
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