Film Reviews: IMAX Great White Shark 3D and Hidden Universe 3D

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 21st January 2014.

The IMAX format continues to grow in popularity with filmmakers. More and more mainstream features are being presented on the eye popping huge screen, including the latest chapter of The Hobbit trilogy. Darling Harbour is the home to the world’s largest IMAX screen and whilst the evening is saved for the blockbusters, by day it remains the domain of tourists and school groups, drawn to the gargantuan cinema and its short form documentaries.

Mostly focusing on nature and history, these cinematic attractions pose a problems for a film reviewer. They are definitely well crafted movies but are they the drawcard or simply fodder to present to tourists so they can experience IMAX on the hour? I checked out the latest two IMAX documentaries and the good news is that they both offer considerable bang for your buck. Or if you are taking your whole family, quite a few bucks.

From the marketing material, I fully expected Great White Shark 3D to be a gorefest of huge teeth and helpless sea lions. Now I realise that you are more likely to be killed reading this review than eaten by a shark but that didn’t stop me from feeling a little anxious about man eaters on the big screen in 3D. Damn you Steven Spielberg.

Narrated by the incomparable Bill Nighy, GWS3D is an entertaining and beautifully shot doco which sets out to change our attitudes towards the great white shark. Jumping across numerous locations which are home to our fishy friends, the film features scientists and activists who are working to ensure that the shark stays off the endangered species list (and out of shark fin soup).

From tour operators in South Africa who attract them to their boats so tourists can have close encounters in steel cages (dubious in my books – surely this is only teaching the great white that humans equal dinner) to free divers who simply tag the predators in the open water off the Mexican coast (OK, so the cage people have a point), we get a glimpse into the lives of those dedicated to unravelling the mysteries of the great white shark.

GWS3D was surprisingly bloodless with a cute sea lion becoming a buffet lunch scene only being hinted at. Instead, the money shot was footage of a wooden sea lion lure being attacked from below by a gigantic shark leaping out of the water. In slow motion, the perfect killing machine soars through the air. Perhaps the makers of Sharknado were onto something.


Hidden Universe 3D, an Australian production, is a much drier feature (pardon the pun). The film focuses on deep space astronomers who venture out to the Atacama desert in Chile to peer into the universe using the European Southern Observatory’s VLT (that’s the Very Large Telescope for the non-astronomers out there).

Narrated by actress Miranda Richardson, I could take or leave the human storyline component. Instead, I would have been more than happy to just sit back and enjoy 45 minutes of the beautifully 3D rendered pictures of planets, nebulas, moons and super luchadore midgets (I may have made that last one up). Those scenes are fantastic. It’s like being immersed in the opening credit sequence of Star Trek, which in my book is not a bad thing.

Great White Shark 3D and Hidden Universe 3D are now playing at IMAX Darling Harbour.

Published in: on January 21, 2014 at 16:13  Leave a Comment  
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Film Review: Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

This film review was posted on the Orange Post on Sunday 19th January 2014.

Two years ago, Kenneth Branagh proved he was capable of helming a fun, superhero flick with Marvel Studio’s Thor. He now returns with Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit and the result is a taut and slick action thriller that will keep you on the edge of your popcorn.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit revives the film franchise based on the late Tom Clancy’s popular series of pageturners, although this is the first entry to be inspired by the characters and situations rather than a specific book. Essentially a reboot, this time the titular hero is a product of 9/11.

Chris Pine is the fourth actor to portray Tom Clancy’s CIA junior analyst turned field agent, following   turns by Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford and Ben Affleck. After ably filling William Shatner’s Starfeeleet issued loafers in the revitalised Star Trek franchise, Pine is a suitable mix of reluctant hero and ass kicker.

Just like last year’s Man of Steel, any scene featuring Kevin Costner, as CIA mentor Thomas Harper, is instantly elevated. Costner was apparently in line to play Jack Ryan in the nineties. I couldn’t help but think that this film could so easily have been a passing of the torch with Costner in the Jack Ryan roile and Pine as newbie Agent Magilacutty.

Keira Knightley works well as the female love interest / spouse in peril but I was distracted by her choice to sport US accent. And Branagh is menacing as the villain de jour.

With the Bourne Franchise setting a trend in this genre for shaky cameras and kinetic action scenes, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is a welcome throwback to a more traditional style. Although not a killing machine, Ryan would rather use brains than his fists but is capable of defending himself or evading capture when required. Branagh frames these scenes so the audience can actually see what is happening.

The film is not without its problems. Some of the dialogue is exposition heavy and the True Lies inspired subplot involving Knightley’s Cathy being unaware of Ryan’s occupation and then suddenly being thrust into a CIA mission does not really work. Ryan’s chronic pain problems are forgotten midway through the film. And I have some questions. Would a counter terrorism mission spanning two countries really fall on the shoulders of just two agents? And why couldn’t I take my eyes away from Knightley’s immoveable forehead?

Unlike last year’s failures of Jack Reacher and Jack the Giant Slayer, I’ll be more than happy for another instalment in this revived franchise.

Published in: on January 21, 2014 at 16:10  Leave a Comment  
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Film Review: Saving Mr Banks

This film review was posted on the Orange Post on Sunday 19th January 2014.

I saw Saving Mr Banks several days ago and the sense of satisfaction that I experienced as I departed the cinema has since dissipated. The more I think of this biopic, the more problematic the film and it’s plot holes seem to be.

That’s not to say that the film is not an enjoyable look at the making of one of the most beloved children’s films ever. I am really drawn to films about the making of films. And Emma Thompson gives a powerhouse performance as the acerbic author of the Mary Poppins books, Australian born P.L. Travers. It’s just that a Disney produced biopic about a Disney produced film is not a good sign of an objective warts and all portrayal of real life events.

For instance, Walt DIsney himself was present for Travers’ arrival in Los Angeles, however he soon left California to avoid having to deal with the difficult author. In this film, Disney is a constant presence. I guess there is no use in paying Tom Hanks to be a supporting player.

Rumours persist that Walt Disney was a misogynist, a racist and an anti-Semite, with Disney’s own grandniece supporting these allegations. It’s not surprise then that Tom Hank’s portrayal of Disney is instead the caring fatherly figure that we all imagine the creator of Mickey Mouse and Disneyland to be. Fair enough that Hanks has picked up the unique walk and smoker’s cough but if you’re going to show Travers with all her irrational ideas and quirks, then why DIsney-fy Disney?

The scenes where Travers picks apart the work of composers The Sherman Brothers (B.J. Novak and Jason Schwartzman) and writer Don Dagradi (Bradley Whitford) are great fun. Her demands such as the colour red not appearing in the film and her objections to lead actor Dick Van Dyke demonstrate how protective the author was about her famous character. However, the script by Kelly Marcel and Sue Smith lets the film down by never resolving these demands. Obviously Dick Van Dyke starred in Mary Poppins and no primary colours were missing in the sets and costumes so how was Travers convinced to sign off on the rights?

Travers was born in Maryborough, Queensland, and unlike the Disneyland and Disney Studios scenes which are appropriately recreated, or in the case of Disneyland simply aged back to 1961, the Australian components of the film disappointingly look like the backlot of Universal Studios (which it actually was).

The flashback structure explaining Travers’ love and dedication to her alcoholic father (Colin Farrell) is a little clunky but leads to a nice revelation at the end and goes some way to explaining many of the aspects of the Mary Poppins persona, on page and on screen. Less effective is the kind hearted limo driver (Paul Giamatti) who was created for the film for Travers to warm to, and therefore defrost in the eyes of the audience.

Saving Mr Banks wears its heart on its sleeve, much like Mary Poppins the movie. Despite some great performances, you can’t help but feel that the filmmakers aren’t quite telling you everything.

Apparently P.L. Travers travelled to Ireland to adopt twins but returned with only one. This son ended up an alcoholic, and eventually met his own twin by accident. He too was an alcoholic. There’s a much more powerful film there already.

Published in: on January 21, 2014 at 16:06  Leave a Comment  
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WWE Network – even more reason for wrestling nerds to stay inside

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 14th January 2014.

Last Thursday, at a glitzy press conference in Las Vegas, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) Chairman Vince McMahon announced the creation of the WWE Network. Widely expected to be a new premium sports channel to be carried via traditional US cable TV distributors, WWE pulled a pro wrestling storyline swerve by revealing that the fledgling network will be internet based, and most importantly, available in Australia.

WWE Network will consist of a live feed plus on demand programming. I have no doubt that die hard fans will be able to stay glued to their screens 24/7 but is there enough footage of men pretending to fight in their undies for a whole network?

On their way to becoming the dominant wrestling promotion in the USA and by default, the planet, WWE have swallowed up almost every tape library going so their archive of over 100,000 hours of bouts and footage from the 1940’s to now will be a major drawcard for enthusiasts of the square circle.

WWE is also promising original programming such as Wrestlemania Rewind which will examine some of the greatest match-ups in history, the stories behind them and talk to the participants, assuming they haven’t died in a steroid or drug related incident. Another documentary style show, The Monday Night War, will spotlight the infamous mid-90’s battle for ratings between WWE and World Championship Wrestling (WCW). Of course, history is written by the victors so don’t expect a balanced perspective. For the record, my friends and I were huge WCW fans at the time. With hindsight, WCW was pretty terrible. Our preference for it may have had more to do with Australian pay TV’s decision to drop WWE programming at the time.

I’m most excited about WWE Legends House, a reality show which sees “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan and other stars from the eighties with inverted commas in their names live under the same roof. I’m looking forward to enjoying the antics of the legends. By legends, I mean a bunch of unhinged old grapplers who have been dropped on their heads a few too many times.


For most fans, the biggest attraction will be the monthly pay per view events such as Wrestlemania. Currently priced at $35 a pop via Australian pay TV channel Main Event, the pay per views will be part of the network lineup. With the introductory price point for the WWE Network being set at US$9.99 per month, with a minimum six month subscription, the online channel represents great value for fans and appears to be another sign that tradition TV distribution is on the wane.


The best news for Aussie wrestling fans is that WWE Network will become available for us in late 2015 or early 2015. The lag is presumably to allow WWE to renegotiate its arrangements with local distributors such as Foxtel.

WWE Network premieres in the US only on February 24. In the words of the late “Macho Man” Randy Savage, “Oooooh yeeeah!”

Published in: on January 19, 2014 at 21:04  Leave a Comment  
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A Game of Binge Watching – Game of Thrones

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 7th January 2014.

The way we consume entertainment has changed, and the studios know it. No longer are we obediently tuning in once a week for a fix of our favourite TV show. Instead, we are turning to “binge watching” and the market is adapting to our needs.

Many moons ago, when I was studying at university, the highlight of the week would be my weekly episode of The X-Files. Every Thursday night, I’d sit transfixed by the spooky adventures of Mulder and Scully, and Friday morning would be dedicated to the dissection of the storyline with my mates, between lectures of course.

Dominant US streaming service, Netflix, fired a shot across the bow of traditional television   content providers last year when they began to produce their own exclusive series. House of Cards and Orange Is the New Black both premiered to critical acclaim. The resurrected Arrested Development and Hemlock Grove were met with mixed reviews. Instead of a traditional weekly release schedule, these new shows were unleashed upon the world in complete season blocks. Viewers could watch episodes at their own pace.

Combined with the ever popular DVD box sets, iTunes downloads and marathons on pay TV, the pressure is off to timetable TV viewing. Binge watching is the new normal, and I experienced it for the first time this past weekend. Say goodbye to sleep and hello to Game of Thrones.

Lauded by critics and fans, I was well aware that Game of Thrones, based on the popular books by George R. R. Martin, would be a must-see on my never ending list of movies and TV shows to eventually watch. However, I kept putting it off as I was reluctant to deal with its large ensemble cast and complex, political storyline.

Spurred on by my significant other, who has already devoured every available episode, I was inspired to purchase the double season box set on blu-ray (I don’t steal media) and begin my binge. Let the games begin.

My Game of Thrones experience had a confusing start when I accidentally watched the second episode first. Initially impressed by the brazenness of the writers to begin the show mid-storyline, my enthusiasm soon turned to frustration. I didn’t have a clue what was going on.

A quick check of an episode guide online set me straight and I begin in earnest. Thankfully, everything made sense this time around and by the third instalment, I was well and truly hooked.

Produced by HBO, home of my beloved Boardwalk Empire, Game of Thrones is serialised storytelling at its best. Lavishly produced on location mostly in Northern Island, with CGI enhancements, the show is a feast for the eyes, particularly in high definition. The acting is uniformly exceptional, with a cast willing to strip off with great regularity.

With fifteen episodes devoured and five to go before I have to make the critical decision to either wait for the Season 3 box set to become available on February 19 or download the lot now from iTunes, I am well and truly addicted. Besides food and (a little) sleep, nothing will stop me from finishing the show. I’m even fast forwarding the opening credit sequence to get to the story faster.

Game of Thrones Season Four will premiere early this year. It’s already in my diary.

Published in: on January 7, 2014 at 16:59  Leave a Comment  
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My Worst 5 Films of 2013

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 31st December 2013.

With 2013 done and dusted, it’s now time to wade through the cinematic dregs of the year and fish out the floaters which are my bottom 5 films of the year.


5. One Chance – Based on the life of internet sensation and winner of Britain’s Got Talent Paul Potts, this biopic offended me. Obviously a talented opera singer, Potts does  practically nothing to pursue his dreams until he is plucked from obscurity by a Christ-like Simon Cowell. Unsurprisingly, this flick was produced by Cowell. The marketing campaign compares this drivel to Billy Elliot. For the record, One Chance is nothing like Billy Elliot besides the fact that both films star Julie Waters and focus on a bunch of unhappy poms.


4. Movie 43 – All I can say is that a lot of favours must have been repaid considering the A grade cast of this Z grade comedy which consists of a series of interconnected short films. Emma Stone, Richard Gere, Greg Kinnear, Halle Berry, Kate Winslet and a remarkably brave Hugh Jackman are just a few big names in this all star cast. Like Jackman’s abnormal facial growth in his segment The Catch, this film is unwatchable.


3. Save Your Legs! – This Aussie disaster should have been titled Save Your Money! A mediocre amateur cricket team goes on tour to India and loses a bunch of games. Gripping stuff I know. Even the exotic setting couldn’t reprieve this alleged comedy which stars the usually solid Brendan Cowell and Stephen Curry. Give me the drop toilet scene from Slumdog Millionaire anytime. I only got to the end because I watched it on a plane and couldn’t walk out.


2. Sharknado – Granted, some may say that this is the greatest bad film of all time. They’re wrong. This is just a bad film. Originally a TV movie, this makes the list for it’s one day theatrical screening. Starring Beverley Hills 90210 has-been Ian Ziering and a surprisingly non-nubile Tara Reid, the list of things wrong with the bomb is never ending. Sharks managing to stay alive out of water and flying through the air until they are shot out of the sky like birds. Disastrously bad editing and continuity. CGI effects done on a Commodore  Vic-20. Dialogue written by monkeys. Did I mention that Tara Reid keeps her clothes on?


1. Scary Movie 5 – I’m ashamed to say that co-writer and uncredited co-director David Zucker was responsible for two of my favourite spoofs of all time, The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! and Airplane! (a.k.a. Flying High). By unpopular demand, he now brings us the wildly unfunny latest entry in the Scary Movie franchise, which continues to suffer from the law of diminishing returns. The problem for moviegoers is that they are insanely cheap to produce and someone keeps buying tickets. Letters of apology to the CWD please. The talented Anna Faris wisely stayed away from this abomination, and is replaced by the untalented Ashley Tisdale, whom your tweeners will remember from the saccharine High School Musical series. She’s joined by an array of B grade stars making cash for cameos such as Charlie Sheen, Snoop Dogg and the pneumatic Lindsay Lohan. You know you’ve seen a bomb when one of the best jokes in the trailer is Sheen getting crotched by a door and it doesn’t even make it into the final cut.

Happy new year everyone. Fingers crossed for a brilliant year of cinema starting tomorrow.

Published in: on January 7, 2014 at 16:56  Leave a Comment  
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My Top 5 Films of 2013

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 24th December 2013.

As a certified cinefile and your favourite film critic, I’ve seen 190 films so far this year. Not bad, but down from last year’s haul of 230 movies. As the year winds down, it’s now time to look back and reflect on the year in film. Here are my top 5 films of 2013.


5. Searching for Sugar Man – Seventies folk singer Rodriguez had poor sales all over the world, except in South Africa, where his records resonated with the growing anti-apartheid movement. Long presumed dead, two fans set out to find the truth behind this enigmatic musician. Don’t read any more about this great documentary, or you’ll spoil the experience.

4. Silver Linings Playbook – Jennifer Lawrence certainly deserved the Best Actress Oscar for her depiction of the mentally unstable Tiffany in David O. Russell’s fine romantic dramedy. With a cast to die for, including the surprisingly good Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro, Chris Tucker and Australia’s Jacki Weaver, Silver Linings Playbook is a superb examination of how life doesn’t always go to plan.

3. The Rocket – This heart warming Australian drama, set in Laos, is adapted from director Kim Mordaunt’s own documentary, Bomb Harvest. The impending construction of a new dam sends a boy, his emotionally scarred father and bitter grandmother on a journey in search of their new home. Their only hope for a bright future is winning the prestigious but dangerous Rocket Festival. Completely spoken in Lao, The Rocket is an outstanding Australian film. A big shoutout goes to my friends at the Orange Film Society who brought this and many other fine arthouse films to local audiences this year. I look forward to an exciting 2014 program.


2. Zero Dark Thirty – Kathryn Bigelow’s nail biting thriller depicting the search for and capture of Osama bin Laden is finely crafted, with an all star cast including the brilliant Jessica Chastain, Mark Strong and Australia’s Jason Clarke. Originally written to conclude with bin Laden’s escape from the battle of Tora Bora, the screenplay was altered to include his capture and assassination in Pakistan. It’s in this final act that Bigelow deftly manages to keep the audience on the edge of their seats, even if the conclusion is common knowledge.


1. The Way Way Back – I rarely rewatch any film, but I have already enjoyed this bittersweet coming of age comedy three times. Introverted 14 year old Duncan (Liam James) is forced to go on summer vacation with his mother (Toni Collette) and her overbearing new boyfriend (Steve Carell). Stumbling across the Water Wizz water park, Duncan finds a kindred spirit in Owen (Sam Rockwell). Written and directed by Oscar winners Nat Faxon and Jim Rash, the film is well paced and perfectly encapsulates the growing pains of adolescence. Rockwell is an absolute standout in a talented ensemble cast, as is Allison Janney as the acerbic alcoholic next door neighbour. I’ve never experienced an American seaside summer vacation, nor worked in a water slide park as a teen, but The Way Way Back resonated with me. Highly recommended, it will leave you wanting to spend more time with the characters, a feat any screenwriter should be trying to achieve. The soundtrack is a killer too.

Notable mentions – Django Unchained, Lincoln, Argo, The Imposter, Star Trek Into Darkness, World War Z, Evil Dead and The Lone Ranger

Published in: on January 7, 2014 at 16:51  Leave a Comment  
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Scooby Doo and WWE: the megapowers collide

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 17th December 2013.

As kid growing up in the eighties, one of my favourite things to do on a Saturday morning was to wake up early and watch cartoons. Nowadays, I much prefer to sleep in and miss Saturday morning altogether. My favourite animated series was Scooby-Doo and if it was listed in the TV guide, I’d make sure that I was glued to the box for every minute.

Sure it was super formulaic. There’s a mysterious figure haunting a location, usually a mine, theme park or film set. Scooby and the gang arrive in the Mystery Machine to investigate. Chaos ensues. Insert a whacky chase scene. The criminal is collared and unmasked to reveal that it was Old Man Smothers / McGillicutty / Jackson all along. The famous phrase is uttered. “And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.” Roll credits and theme tune.

I guess the simplicity of the formula appealed to my young brain.That would also explain why I also loved similarly simple shows such as The Famous Five, Murder She Wrote, Hey, Hey It’s Saturday and A Current Affair.

My absolute favourite episodes were the ones which saw the Scooby Gang team up with guest stars, in particular Batman and the Harlem Globetrotters.


Produced in 1972, the “Dynamic Scooby-Doo Affair” and “The Caped Crusader Caper” see Batman and Robin work alongside Scooby, Shaggy, Fred, Velma and Daphne to battle the dastardly Joker and Penguin. I was a huge fan of the sixties camp incarnation of Batman, starring the legendary Adam West, so this was the coming together of two of my most beloved franchises. It’s also worth nothing that the quality of acting is not much different between the animated and live action Batman. I’m not sure if that’s a compliment to the voice actors of the cartoon or a brickbat for Adam West’s thespian skills…

As a child, I had no idea who the Harlem Globetrotters were. I still don’t. They seem to be some sort of basketball team who specialise in doing tricks but aren’t very good at playing an opposing team, kind of like the Parramatta Eels. Amazingly, they were also sleuths who like to solve mysteries. In “The Mystery of Haunted Island” and “The Loch Ness Mess” they team up with the Scooby Gand to investigate locations being haunted by mysterious figures… I won’t bother. You know the rest.

It was with some trepidation that I discovered recently that the latest Scooby-Doo animated movie sees the titular Great Dane work alongside another of my loves…wrestling.

Scooby-Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery sees the Scooby Gang investigating the world of professional wrestling. Despite my initial reservations that these two worlds colliding might be a mistake, I’m think I’ll keep an open mind. After all, there are plenty of masked men in the WWE to be revealed. And quite a few steroid smugglers I’m sure. Scooby snacks anyone?

Many WWE Superstars will be lending their likenesses and voices to the project, including renowned Shakespearean actors Triple H, John Cena, Kane, The Miz, Brodus Clay, Santino Marella and the chairman of the board, Mr McMahon.

In March next year, Scooby-Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery will be unleashed on the world, direct to DVD. Hopefully the Scooby Gang will solve some of WWE’s greatest mysteries, such as, “Why didn’t the referee see that?” and “How is it possible to be beaten up that badly and not get a single bruise?” I might finally also get an answer to the most commonly asked question whenever I admit to liking professional wrestling, “How on earth can you watch that garbage?” Jinkies!

Published in: on January 7, 2014 at 16:46  Leave a Comment  
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Film Review: After Earth

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 3rd December 2013.

During a trip to NYC earlier this year, there were very few places to turn without being confronted by a huge billboard promoting the then upcoming Will Smith movie, After Earth. Co-starring his son, Jaden, Columbia Pictures had high hopes for the big budget sci-fi flick.  Will Smith is one of Hollywood’s biggest, and most importantly, bankable stars. His name alone above the title should have guaranteed a blockbuster. Unfortunately, audiences voted with their wallets and the film tanked, returning only US$60 million from a budget of US$130 million. Lab coats and gloves on folks, it’s time for the autopsy of After Earth.

In the future, the polluted Earth has been abandoned and mankind has escaped to a new planet, Nova Prime. Alas, Nova Prime is already an alien race’s humble abode and after numerous ignored eviction notices, the deadly Ursas are dispatched to wipe out the humans. Ursas are attracted to human fight or flight pheromones and it is only through the fighting prowess of the Rangers, who can completely control their fear, that mankind prevails.

Legendary Ranger General Cypher Raige (Smith) is on his final mission, accompanied by his son, Kitai (the other Smith), when an asteroid storm sends their ship crashing to Earth, where all living creatures have evolved to kill humans. With his legs broken, Cypher sends his son on a dangerous mission to retrieve a homing beacon. The only problem is that Kitai is a failed Ranger cadet and is unable to control his fear.

Actually, there is another problem, the film is terrible.

Adapted from a story by Smith, After Earth is the ultimate vanity project. The film is produced by Smith, his wife Jada Pinkett Smith and his brother-in-law Caleeb Pinkett. Make your son the co-star and voila, potentially eliminate any objective filmmaking whatsoever. Luckily, Smith found himself a fantastic director. Oops.

Ten years ago, M. Night Shyamalan (pronounced Shama Lama Ding Dong) was the hottest auteur in Hollywood. His thrillers with a twist, The Sixth Sense, Signs and Unbreakable were massive hits. And then it all went downhill. The Village and Lady in the Water showed that the formula was wearing thin. The Happening and The Last Airbender were completely unwatchable. Now a gun for hire, Shyamalan’s name is nowhere to be found on any promotional material for After Earth.

For some reason, Smith has chosen to extinguish all of his natural screen charisma and charm in favour of a cold and humourless performance, complete with bizarre accent. And Jaden fares little better. The cute kid in The Karate Kid remake (you know, the one without any karate), is now a whiney teenager. By the middle act of After Earth, I was hoping that he’d be lunch for one of numerous CGI creatures.

In the future, everyone wears beige, and lots of it. Despite this, I appreciated the futuristic design of the spaceships and dwellings. Based on organic shapes found in nature, the art design overall is excellent. Note that the none of the art designers’ surnames is Smith.

Plot holes abound in After Earth. One of the driving tensions is the film is Kitai’s dwindling supplies of breathing vials. Why does he require them, yet his father, trapped in the debris of the spaceship but breathing the same air, does not? What is point of a high tech survival suit that changes colour to display the health of the wearer? Let’s hope those CGI killer baboons are colour blind. Hypercolour clothing is so early nineties.

With his legs broken, Cypher injects himself with a pain killer which warns of drowsiness. Perhaps the DVD box should have come with the same warning. Even Smith can’t stay awake in his own film.

After Earth is a dull snoozefest. All the way through I couldn’t help but think about what I wanted to do after After Earth. My verdict is best described by my favourite lines of dialogue from the film:

Kitai Raige: “That sucked.”

Cypher Raige: “That is correct.”

After Earth is now available on DVD, blu-ray and on-demand.

Published in: on January 7, 2014 at 16:39  Leave a Comment  
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Christmas Albums 2013

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 10th December 2013.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Such a shame then, that the holiday season has to come with such awful music. That’s right, it’s Christmas album season. Every December, musicians around the globe have just a few short weeks to cash in with generally horrible albums which are completely useless 11 months of the year.

BYO earplugs folks. Let’s trawl through the latest holiday music offerings competing for your, or at least your grandmother’s, hard earned present money.

First up is Leona Lewis, 2006 winner of The X Factor in the UK. Christmas, With Love is a Motown style album of traditional fare, such as O Holy Night, Winter Wonderland and Silent Night as well as some original material. Lewis has a similar voice to Mariah Carey and the album could easily be mistaken for one of Carey’s mega successful Christmas releases. For my money though, if it’s a Motown Christmas you’re after, you must listen to A Christmas Gift for You From Phil Spector. It’s the best Christmas album ever.

Typing of Motown, Australian vocal group Human Nature have also unleashed a Christmas album, imaginatively titled The Christmas Album. On a recent trip to Las Vegas, I was surprised to be confronted by huge advertisements for their Motown show at The Venetian, proclaiming their “modern twist” on the genre. I suppose a quartet of squeaky clean white guys from Australia performing music of a predominantly black origin is a “modern twist”. I look forward to their upcoming negro spirituals album.

Human Nature have been running their Vegas act for the past 4 years. Good luck to them I say. And thank you for permanently performing so far away from me. Back to the task at hand. If your idea of a good time is being stuck in an elevator during the Christmas sales, then this is the album for you.

Remember the band Heart? They had a huge hit in the eighties with All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You, but have actually been around since the early seventies. Well sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson are back with a new Christmas EP, catchily entitled Heart Christmas Single 2013. No longer the hard rocking act of yesteryear, they’ve teamed up with soul crooner Aaron Neville and eighties heartthrob Richard Marx on two holiday themed original songs. This one is strictly for the fans, and anyone who thinks that all they wanna do is have a nice cup of tea and a lie down. File under bland.

What’s better than a Christmas album? The answer is a Christmas single. At least it’s all over in 3 minutes. This year Susan Boyle teams up with Elvis Presley on O Come All Ye, Faithful. The recording sessions must have been a blast. I actually feel bad for the King. It’s pretty hard to object to having your legacy besmirched when you’ve been dead for 36 years. Please don’t buy this single. It will only encourage them.

My pick of the litter is the debut single from Abigail Breslin, the former child star of Little Miss Sunshine. Still an actress and now a budding musician, 17 year old Breslin has a sweet voice and Christmas In New York is a pretty song. I’m not completely certain that a Christmas single is a good way to kickstart a music career, but hey, who needs credibility in the music business at this time of the year?

Published in: on January 7, 2014 at 16:37  Leave a Comment  
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