Nineties Retro Revival

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 23rd August 2011.

I had the pleasure of catching up with three of my favourite early nineties bands this past weekend. Almost twenty years had passed since their commercial heyday but a packed Enmore Theatre is clear evidence that there is a demand out there for revived and revamped retro acts.

First up were Australian alternative darlings The Clouds. Formed in Sydney in 1990, they were renown for the trademark female harmonies of lead singers Jodi Phillis and Trish Young. I’m pleased to report that both were in fine voice and the band sounded as tight as the last time I saw them at one of the very first Big Day Out festivals, way back when it didn’t sell out in one day and I was young enough to not be annoyed by so many young people there.

In a short and sharp forty minute set, The Clouds had the mostly thirty-something crowd moving with all of their hits, including Say It, Soul Eater, Bower of Bliss and my favourite, Hieronymus. I loved the latter so much that I named my dog after it. Hieronymus Young still lives in Sydney with my parents.

Next up were UK alternative rock icons, The Wonder Stuff. Best known in Australia for their 1991 hit collaboration with Vic Reeves on lead vocals, Dizzy, the band released a string of popular albums between 1986 and 1994 including The Eight Legged Groove Machine, Hup and Never Loved Elvis. With charismatic red wine swilling front man Miles Hunt and original guitarist Mal Treece onboard, the rest of the band’s personnel have changed since they last toured Australia in 1991.

An hour long set breezed by as The Wonder Stuff pumped out favourite after favourite, including Unbearable, Circlesquare and The Size of a Cow at a million miles an hour. My mildly arthritic knees are still sore from all of the jumping up and down that seems to be the dance move of choice in a general admission crowd situation. Why can’t we all just sway?

Headlining the show were Jesus Jones, a London based group who formed in 1988. Their biggest hit, Right Here, Right Now, has set the band up financially after its use in multitudes of advertising campaigns worldwide. Remarkably, the band’s lineup has not changed over the years, and they have never stopped touring.

In their distinct, rock fused with techno style, Jesus Jones delivered all of the hits and more, including Real, Real, Real and International Bright Young Thing. They last toured Australia in 1990, and I’m certain that except for an upgrade for their musical programming from floppy disc to hard drive, they sound exactly the same.

After a well deserved encore from the headliners, the show was over and the appreciative crowd poured out into the streets of Newtown bound for a nice cup of tea before bed. Well, we’re all quite a bit older now.

For a few short hours this weekend, the early nineties were back. I was studying for my HSC. Mickey Robbins and Helen Razer were hosting the Triple J breakfast show which I tuned into religiously in my mum’s station wagon as I drove to high school on my P plates. Kurt Cobain was still alive and life was good.

It doesn’t take much to work out that Generation X is all cashed up and looking for a retro good time. With Roxette, Bachelor Girl and 1927 reforming for reunion gigs soon and the upcoming Rewind festival, the interest in all things nineties is huge so expect to see other long dead acts be resuscitated for your enjoyment.

Published in: on August 23, 2011 at 07:27  Leave a Comment  
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Bored of Board Game Movies

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 16th August 2011.

As Hollywood continues to cannibalise itself with remake after remake, it has turned to other areas of popular culture in the hope of finding inspiration and more importantly, a profitable franchise.

We’ve had a glut of comic book films lately. Marvel has churned out the rather enjoyable Thor and Captain America flicks this year, both chapters of a storyline leading up to the highly anticipated Avengers movie to be released next year. DC unleashed the rather ho-hum Green Lantern on cinemas this week, and they’ll soon be serving up the final film in Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy plus another reboot of the Superman franchise.

Video games have been the basis of many terrible and a few decent movies of late. From the absolute low point of Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead to the fun Resident Evil series, these films always fail to deliver an experience that comes close to playing the game but that doesn’t seem to stop Hollywood from trying. There is talk that video game classic Space Invaders has been licensed for a cinematic revision. In this particular case, I would be happy if they don’t try to capture the gaming experience. I’m pretty sure that a Space Invaders film has already been made. It was called Independence Day.

And then there were the toy films. The Transformers franchise has certainly been the high point in terms of box office clout. Unfortunately, the power of Grayskull couldn’t save Masters of the Universe from being unwatchable, and G.I. Joe was a great film to ignore when you’re reading a book. This year, Hugh Jackman will star with boxing robots in Real Steel, based on the Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots toy line.

Just when you thought that there were no other aspects of pop culture to rape and pillage for a quick movie buck, the trailer for Battleship was released recently. That’s right, a movie based on the Milton Bradley board game.

Starring Liam Neeson and R & B superstar Rihanna, the plot focuses on an international naval fleet preparing for training exercises when they come into contact with an alien force. The trailer features a scene revealing that the aliens have knocked out the battleships’ radar, thus forcing them to fire blindly at the enemy (of course).

I’m absolutely positive that this terrible idea for a movie will feature a captain standing on a naval vessel bridge watching the skirmish unfold on a screen and then shouting out, “You’ve sunk my battleship!”

There’s also talk of Bladerunner director Ridley Scott developing a film based on the Monopoly board game. This sounds like a contender for Worst Film of the Decade not starring Katherine Heigl™.  OK, it may make a decent theme for a scratchie or McDonalds promotion but it sounds like the death of narrative cinema to me. In the same way that I have never ever finished a game of Monopoly (has anyone?)  I doubt I will make it through this clunker if it ever gets made.

In Hollywood, it seems as though there is nothing new under the sun. To me, board games represent family holidays where we’ve been stuck in the caravan on a wet day. Unless it’s Hungry, Hungry Hippos in 3D, I have no interest in movies based on board games. Do not collect $200 and do not pass go.

Published in: on August 16, 2011 at 07:29  Leave a Comment  
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No pokies in the Skull Cave

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 9th August 2011.

Many years ago, my cub pack visited our local McDonalds for a “behind the scenes” tour. I’m really not sure what I was supposed to learn from the experience. It certainly didn’t help me get my bronze boomerang. Perhaps Akela felt that sooner or later, I’d either be working there or eating a lot of their burgers, so I might as well get used to the place. Based on what happened to some of my scouting friends later in life, they probably should have taken us on a tour of Parramatta Gaol.

Although there was nothing essentially wrong with taking children on a tour of a fast food joint, I remember thinking that it was a little on the dodgy end of the ethical spectrum.

I had exactly the same feeling when I visited the classy establishment that is Star City this past weekend. Wandering through the casino floor on my way to the high rollers room (apparently the bathrooms there are really nice), I stumbled across a bank of pokies themed on one of my favourite childhood superheroes, The Phantom.

Initially, I was a little excited about the prospect of this. The Phantom, created by Lee Falk in 1936, is a comic full of iconic characters. Who wouldn’t want to play a poker machine populated with images of Diana Palmer, Guran, Devil, Hero, the Skull Ring, and the distinctive purple costume of The Ghost Who Walks?

Hold on. Isn’t The Phantom supposed to be fighting bandits, not the subject of a one armed bandit? As the Guardian of the Eastern Dark, Kit Walker fights for truth, justice and the Bengallan way (or something like that). He represents jungle justice and will fight for the rights of the native people, animals, eco-system and the occasional stegosaurus. I’m pretty sure that scatters, double ups and features aren’t a part of The Phantom’s ethical vocabulary.

Let’s face it. The King and Queen of the Nile and Big Red the kangaroo probably wouldn’t have a problem being associated with gambling. Neither would the turtles, sea horses and starfish from Turtle Treasure. If there is no smoking allowed in the Skull Cave then surely The Man Who Cannot Die would object to an RSL packed with pokies installed next to his throne?

I know I’m being facetious but to a comic fan, this is almost the same as encouraging punters to try their luck on a Ghandi’s Gold or a Dalai Lama-Rama pokie.

If you’re going to theme pokies with popular properties, characters and personalities then I have a few suggestions. How about Abba’s Money, Money Money Machine or Scrooge McDuck’s Speck-quack-ular Slots? If you like a flutter, you won’t be able to resist the flashing lights of Ritchie Rich’s Retirement Fund, Daddy Warbucks’ Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Will You Eat Tomorrow or Mr Burns’ Springfield Millions Meltdown. You know you want to put your hard earned dollars in Charlie Sheen’s Winning.

In the end, I couldn’t stop myself from trying my luck with a twenty dollar bet. Sure enough, The Phantom stole my money and I wasn’t allowed in the high rollers room. I shouldn’t have trusted The Ghost Who Walks Away With Your Money.

Published in: on August 14, 2011 at 09:11  Leave a Comment  
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Novelty Acts: are we laughing at them or with them?

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 2nd August 2011.

I’m not really a fan of talent shows on television. I haven’t watched a single second of the current season of Australia’s Got Talent. I suppose I don’t really fit the demographic for buying records from fourteen year old singing prodigies. If I do have to watch American Idol or such shows, I prefer to sit through the first few episodes which cover the initial audition process. There is something quite fascinating to me about those talentless contestants who face the audition panel with nothing but an overwhelming sense of self-belief.

Do these wannabes truly think that they have a talent that they must share with the world? Surely they can’t be completely delusional. Hasn’t someone taken them aside and told them the ugly truth? “Look mate, I don’t really know how to tell you. You can’t sing / dance / play the gumleaf.”

Every now and then, one of these “gifted” performers slips through the net of good taste and becomes a star of sorts. A novelty single or album gets quickly released. Someone makes a buck, usually the manager or producer, the performer’s fifteen seconds or so of fame expires and we all move on. We were all in on the joke. They weren’t. Or were they?

William Hung rose to infamy when he auditioned for the third season of American Idol in 2004 with an off-tempo and off-key rendition of Ricky Martin’s She Bangs, prompting an uncomfortable situation where the judges had to stifle their laughter and present some level of constructive criticism. When informed by Simon Cowell that he really had little to offer in the way of talent, Hung replied, “Um, I already gave my best, and I have no regrets at all.”

This “glass half full” attitude somehow struck a chord with audiences, despite the fact that in terms of singing ability Hung had no glass in the first place, and William was signed to a record deal. What followed was three, that’s three, albums of Hung murdering perfectly innocent pop covers. Inspiration, Hung for the Holidays and Miracle: Happy Summer from William Hung are all CDs worth listening to… once, and would all make wonderful additions to your coaster collection.

Hung’s misplaced belief in his singing prowess is evident in the fact that he clearly recorded three albums of unfamiliar songs with little or no rehearsal, and all probably in one take.

Speaking of one take wonders, have you sampled the vocal stylings of New Zealand’s own Wing? Born in Hong Kong, 51 year old Wing has never let a lack of talent stop her from making records, twenty of them to date. From Andrew Lloyd Webber to AC/DC, Michael Jackson to Abba, Wing has recorded them all in her unique offbeat vocal style (think cats fighting outside your bedroom window).

As Wing’s notoriety spread via the internet, she became the subject of a South Park episode and was invited to perform at a BBC Radio One music festival in the UK in 2008. She later toured the US, even playing the famous Birdland Jazz Club in New York City.

For around US$15, Wing will phone you up and personally sing you a song. It is already on my Christmas wish list.

Throughout all of Wing’s recordings and performances, there is not a single hint that it may be all a gag. Regardless of the song, Wing performs it seriously. What won’t be serious though, is your reaction. Make sure you check out her performances on YouTube.

Wing has truly made a little go a long way, and has had a remarkable career so far, especially for a novelty act. And that I suppose is my point, do Wing and William Hung know that they are novelty acts? Is self-belief, or even self-delusion, enough? Are we laughing at them, or is the joke on us? I guess we’ll never know. The only certainty is that I shouldn’t have admitted to owning William Hung albums.

http://wingmusic.co.nz

http://www.williamhung.net

Published in: on August 14, 2011 at 09:03  Leave a Comment  
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Scratch Me Unhappy

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 26th July 2011.

Last week, NSW Lotteries released a new instant scratchie with a top prize of one million dollars, surpassing the previous maximum prize of $250,000. With a simple and stylish black design, these new cards have a buy-in price of $15. Wow. Imagine spending fifteen bucks and winning a million. What are the odds?

Well, that’s precisely my question. As of today, the NSW Lotteries website does not have any information about this new scratchie, but if the odds are similar to the $250,000 game, then it would be 1:500000. Now that give you more of a chance of winning the major prize than Lotto, but that’s not exactly saying much. Statistically, there’s not a great deal of difference in the chances of winning a major prize in Lotto between someone with a ticket and someone without a ticket.

Despite knowing all of this, I still enjoy buying a scratchie every now and then. Because I get to scratch and reveal the lucky numbers, cards, symbols or whatever, I feel that I have a little control over my own destiny. Of course, that is far from the truth. In fact, my chances of winning the major prize may already be zero before I bought the scratchie.

Let me explain. Scratchies are kind of like a normal lottery in reverse. Instead of selling all of the tickets and then drawing the winners, the prizes are allocated to tickets at the time of printing and then sold one by one. So if the very first scratchie sold of that particular promotion is the one with the major prize, then everyone who buys a gamecard after that has no chance of winning the big one. Wouldn’t you like to know that the major prize is still on offer before you plonk your hard earned $15 on the counter?

To be fair, the NSW Lotteries website does have a page that lists the major winners on scratchies but it is not predominantly displayed and doesn’t really give any indication of what prizes for each scratchie game are left to win.

The extended gameplay scratchies amuse me. They are usually the more expensive ones and involve a slightly greater complexity pattern of scratching, if that is actually possible. They are also quite often based on bingo, crossword puzzles or a licensed board game such as Monopoly, Scrabble or Twister.

The interesting thing about these cards is that the game itself is completely irrelevant. There is no game. You’re either a winner or more likely, a loser. You might dutifully follow the Monopoly card instructions and scratch your way around the board as instructed but the result is predetermined. You’ll only collect $200 as you pass go if the card was printed that way. Extended play cards really are the scenic route of scratchies.

For some reason, I am attracted to scratchies that are tied-in with movies. Gambling is so much more fun when the X-Men, Spider-man and Indiana Jones are involved, although I’m not quite sure what the friendly lottery folks are trying to achieve. Do they want more movie buffs to buy scratchies or more gamblers to go to the movies?

Lotteries have been labelled a tax on the stupid. I think that’s a little extreme but I believe people should see scratchies for what they are, a fun way to spend a few minutes with a moderate chance of winning your money back, a very slight chance of winning a bigger prize and a very good chance of getting the scratchie stuff stuck under your fingernails.

Published in: on August 14, 2011 at 08:58  Leave a Comment  
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Weird Al Rules

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This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 19th July 2011.

It’s hard to believe but pop satirist and accordion player, “Weird Al” Yankovic, released his 13th album, Alpocalypse, this year. With more than 12 million records sold over a career spanning 35 years, Yankovic has mostly outlasted and in some cases, outsold, the pop music artists that were the basis for his amusing parodies.

Born Alfred Matthew Yankovic in 1959 (he turns 52 this year), “Weird Al’ released his first official single on Capitol Records in 1976. It was a parody of The Knack’s My Sharona, reworked as My Balogna. This was followed by Another One Rides the Bus, a send up of Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust. From there, as they say, the rest is history.

Yankovic’s career particularly benefitted from the emergence of MTV in the early eighties. His hilarious music video for Eat It, a parody of Beat It by one hit wonder Michael Jackson, was virtually a shot-for shot remake of the original clip and was placed on high rotation, becoming one of Al’s biggest selling singles.

No-one seemingly was safe from Weird Al’s focus. Major acts such as Madonna (Like a Surgeon), Nirvana (Smells Like Nirvana), Green Day (Canadian Idiot), Red Hot Chilli Peppers (Bedrock Anthem) and Michael Jackson (a second parody, Fat) were satirised alongside flash in the pan acts such as Coolio (Amish Paradise), The Presidents of the United States of America (Gump), Billy Ray Cyrus (Achy Breaky Song) and The Offspring (Pretty Fly for a Rabbi).

In the USA, permission is not required to record a parody of a song, however, Yankovic generally seeks permission from the original artist before working his magic. Many recording acts consider it an honour to be satirised by Al. His latest single, a spin on Lady Gaga’s Born This Way, entitled Perform This Way (the video is fantastic, check it out on YouTube) was initially refused permission by her management. When Gaga, reportedly a huge fan, found out that a decision had been made without consulting her, Weird Al was given the go ahead.

Not everyone wants the Yankovic treatment though. Vegetarian Paul McCartney did not want Live and Let Die to become Chicken Pot Pie. James Blunt’s management didn’t like the idea of You’re Beautiful being made into You’re Pitiful.

My favourite song on every Weird Al album is his polka medley. This is where he takes a dozen or so chart hits at the time of recording and recreates them as a thigh slapping, lederhosen friendly polka, complete with tubas and piano accordions. As my high school’s resident DJ in the early 90’s, I’d quite often turn school dances into Octoberfest by playing Yankovic’s Polka Your Eyes Out.

I had the pleasure of catching Weird Al’s live show earlier this year from the front row of the Enmore Theatre. More of a live theatrical performance than a concert, Al changed costume between almost every song. This meant that there were long gaps between tunes, which were filled with amusing videos, but after a while it became clear that the show was far from spontaneous. His band was amazing, with some members being with Al from the beginning of his career. Their ability to reproduce almost any style of music was uncanny.

With a career almost as long as my life so far, “Weird Al” Yankovic will hopefully be around to poke fun at the ultra serious music industry for many years to come. When the funniest thing in music these days is Justin Bieber, it is good to know that the Clown Prince of Pop is around.

Published in: on August 14, 2011 at 08:53  Leave a Comment  
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