Funeral Insurance in Hi-Death

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 20th April 2010.

If you’ve been watching the idiot box lately, you may have noticed an increase in the frequency of a particular advertising campaign which is of the upmost importance to everyone.  And no, I’m not writing about those annoying funeral insurance commercials. Oh dear, I feel a rant coming on…

I really can’t understand why that old couple in the ad are so super duper happy to have their funeral insurance. Personally, I think I’m much better off using that $2.50 a week to buy something that makes me happy, such as an ice cream, satisfied in the knowledge that someone else is going to have to pay for my funeral. And if I wanted to pre-pay for my burial or cremation, I’d save up the money, put it aside in a high interest account and keep the change, rather than pay the funeral insurance company for the rest of my life. I don’t care if I have to watch ShamWow infomercials for eternity, just stop trying to sell me funeral insurance!

Ah, that’s better…

What I am actually referring to is the regular reminders to start preparing for digital television. According to the Australian Government Digital TV website, Orange will have its analogue television signal switched off sometime between January and June 2012. Although there is still plenty of time to take action, there is an increasing array of extra channels with new programming that makes the decision (and financial outlay) to upgrade a little less painful. The ability to watch free to air channels in high definition is also attractive.

For most, the easiest but most expensive way to upgrade is to simply purchase a new TV. Whether it’s plasma, LCD or LED, all new televisions are capable of receiving the digital signal, in either standard or high definition.  If you have an older television that works perfectly well, the addition of a set top box will also allow you to receive the digital signal. This is probably the most environmentally friendly choice too.

Despite having a nicely elevated mountain to broadcast from, Orange in particular seems to have patchy digital signal coverage. Even within the CBD, many digital TV viewers are having problems getting satisfactory reception. If this is a problem for your home, I would suggest that you investigate an external aerial upgrade with a signal amplifier. The general rule is that if your analogue reception is poor, your digital reception will be substandard too.

Older style outside aerials may not be capable of receiving the new frequency band that digital broadcasting occupies. In the case of digital signals, the bigger the aerial is not necessarily the better. Although there is not a specific digital aerial, the latest models are much smaller than what you would see on the majority of homes in Orange. And one last piece of advice, don’t bother buying rabbit ear style inside aerials. For digital TV, you are wasting your time and money with them.

Digital television will soon be your only choice when it comes to free to air broadcasting. An ever expanding array of new channels is finally allowing the ABC, SBS and commercial networks to compete with pay TV. Unfortunately, having to endure the tortuous Zumba and funeral insurance abominations will be no less painful in digital high definition.

Published in: on April 20, 2010 at 13:51  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Paranormal Profits

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 13th April 2010.

The most profitable motion picture ever recently hit retail shelves on DVD and blu-ray. And no, I’m not writing about Avatar. Paranormal Activity, a supernatural thriller made for a paltry US$15 000, has taken more than $100 million at the US box office.

Written and directed by Oren Peli, the film was shot over a week at the director’s own home. Similar to the Blair Witch Project, which also features on the most profitable movie list, the premise of the feature is the discovery of home videos belonging to a young couple investigating strange happenings inside their apartment.

Katie and Micah (these are actually the actors’ real names too) set up a video camera in their bedroom to capture the supernatural activity that occurs while they are sleeping. As things start to go bump (and worse) in the night, the movie taps into our innate fear of what may happen when we are at our most vulnerable, that is, when we’re asleep.

 Originally screened at horror film festival, Screamfest, in 2007, Paranormal Activity attracted interest from Hollywood, particularly Steven Spielberg’s Dreamworks studio. With the intention of remaking the movie with a bigger budget and big name actors, Dreamworks agreed to one last test screening at the request of the director, who believed the original was potent enough for a general release.

The test screening was initially thought to be a failure, as patrons kept leaving the theatre, however, when the producers discovered that the reason for the departures was sheer terror, a viral marketing campaign was started. Coinciding with a very limited cinema release in US university towns, a website was set up where people could demand the US domestic release of Paranormal Activity. As word spread about this frightening flick, Paramount Pictures, which owns Dreamworks, promised to release the film when a million people requested the movie via the website.

In October 2009, as demanded, Paranormal Activity hit cinemas across the US and the rest is history.

Is it as frightening as the marketing campaign would have you believe? Put simply, no. Paranormal Activity works best in a darkened cinema with the sound up loud, or at home during the night with the lights off. The scares are pretty low-tech so don’t expect the Kraken to appear in 3D. The lead actors, who were unknowns before and likely to fade into obscurity after this film, remain believable throughout the film. The repetitive nature of the storyline which continuously returns to the bedtime surveillance camera makes the 86 minute running time seem longer.

Paranormal Activity is an effective supernatural thriller that is worth your time. I definitely recommend that you rent or buy it. This is mostly because I make an appearance in the fan featurette. At 5 minutes and 10 seconds, my spooky face can be seen. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

The top 5 most profitable movies ever:

1. Paranormal Activity

2. Tarnation

3. Mad Max

4. Super Size Me

5. The Blair Witch Project

Published in: on April 20, 2010 at 13:43  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , ,

DVD Commentaries and RiffTrax

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 6th April 2010.

If you’re a film buff like me, simply watching a movie on DVD or blu-ray is simply not enough. Straight after the final credits roll, I love to restart the film, this time with the audio commentary running. Pretty much a standard “extra feature” on the majority of non-vanilla movie releases, commentaries are usually recorded by the filmmakers and included on the disc as an alternate soundtrack, allowing the movie to be watched with the comments heard instead of the original dialogue or score.

The majority of audio commentaries are recorded by the director. Some also include other members of the crew or cast. For older movies where the filmmakers are no longer alive, film historians will sometimes record a commentary. On “special edition” discs, more than one audio commentary is often included.

Of course, just like films, audio commentaries vary in quality and entertainment value. The commentaries for The Goonies and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory are great fun as they reunite the casts for the first time in many years. Sylvester Stallone’s ultra-serious track for Rambo (2008) is hilarious as he justifies exploding heads and blood splatters in explicit detail. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) features a memorable commentary by the lead actors in character complaining how they were misrepresented by the (faux) documentary. Joel Schumacher’s commentary for Batman and Robin (1997) is an entertaining two hour apology for this awful almost-franchise-killing third sequel.

If you’ve ever watched a dodgy film that deserves smart comments and quips yelled at the screen, then RiffTrax may be for you. RiffTrax is a website that produces and sells downloadable comedy commentaries for movies. Simply download the commentary of your choice as an mp3 file and then play it over the top of the movie. Instructions for synchronising the track with the movie are included and usually just a matter of pressing play at the same time as a certain part of the opening credits.

RiffTrax is the brainchild of US comedian Michael J. Nelson, who came to fame in the TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988-99). This cult show centred on a man and his robot sidekicks who were trapped on a space station and being forced to watch old B-grade science fiction films (usually with expired copyrights). A revolutionary show at the time, the TV audience watches the cast making fun of the movie and the movie itself.

Movies with RiffTrax comedy commentaries available include recently released easy targets Twilight: New Moon and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, as well as classics such as the Star Wars Trilogy and Casablanca. The website also features downloadable short films (usually American public domain educational films from the 50’s such as Teenagers on Trial) with whacky commentaries.

If you fancy taking the mickey out of your favourite (or otherwise) film, RiffTrax also allows you to submit comedy commentaries of your own. These are hosted on the website and also available for purchase with a 50-50 split on the download fee. Although not likely an avenue for a substantial income, this may be the perfect outlet for a frustrated undiscovered comedian.

Commentary tracks can add an extra dimension to a good or not-so-good movie. Whether focusing on the filmmaking process or purely for a laugh, audio commentaries are worth a listen.

http://www.rifftrax.com

Published in: on April 11, 2010 at 10:53  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , ,

R.I.P. Jack Bauer

This column was originally published in the Central Western Daily on Tuesday 30th March 2010.

This weekend has seen the announcements that two very popular television shows will meet their demise in 2010. Both 24 and The Bill will cease production after long and successful runs. Featuring very different styles of crime fighting, these shows will be missed by Australian audiences. The Bill is somewhat of an institution in the UK, having been in production for an amazing 27 years. It has also been a high rating staple of ABC TV programming. Set in the fictional Sun Hill police station, located somewhere in East London, this procedural drama focuses on the lives of one shift of police officers. Over 2300 episodes, almost no subject has been left untouched by The Bill. From corrupt politicians to gay officers, from violent crime to the mandatory police station fire, the Canley Borough Operational Command Unit is certainly an eventful place to work, although the chances of a police officer making it to retirement alive is rather slim, with many characters biting the dust over the show’s 26 seasons. Once commanding UK audiences of 7 million viewers in 2002, ratings have now slumped to half those numbers in recent years. This has prompted broadcaster ITV to put The Bill out to pasture. Iconic hero Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) burst onto our screens in 2001. 24 was revolutionary in its real time approach to television storytelling. Told in 24 episodes of 44 minutes each (the fight against terrorism still needs commercials), each season followed the events of a single day as the US came under attack from terrorists. A product of 9/11, Jack and the Counter Terrorist Unit controversially used torture and endorsed sacrificing lives for the greater good of the American people. Over 8 eventful days (or seasons), Jack has fought off Middle Eastern terrorists, Mexican drug cartels and American conspirators to prevent nuclear bombs, deadly virus attacks and Presidential assassinations, respectively. Don’t forget that he also overcame heroin addiction in season two. The real time storytelling style of 24 worked well in a weekly episodic format. Watching several episodes together however, often revealed huge plot holes and lapses in logic. No-one seemed to eat, drink or go to the toilet during the 24 hour period either. Maybe they did this in the commercial breaks, just like the audience. Similarly to The Bill, which English actors saw as a rite of passage due to its high turnover of performers, 24 has also provided employment for almost every ethnic looking actor in Hollywood. The only catch, you almost certainly needed to play a terrorist. I’m sure that despite any reservations from actors regarding ethnic stereotyping, the need to eat and pay rent won out each time. So the fictional towns of Sun Hill and Los Angeles will soon be without their crime fighters and law enforcement agencies. Loyal fans and viewers at least can take some solace in the fact that the cancellation announcement has occurred early enough for the producers of The Bill and 24 to give their shows a proper send-off. There is nothing worse than a final episode that ends in a cliffhanger.

Published in: on April 5, 2010 at 10:49  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , ,